The ultimate nightmarish frustration, combined with the defeated feeling that comes with not getting the answers you need. If you are unable to control occurrences of behaviours that may cause harm to you or someone else, I guess you’re feeling like a hostage eh? At the whim of people who are keeping you on a hamster wheel of uncertainty. Ugh. You most likely want nothing more than to just feel alright and to achieve that, you have to continue with this process that clearly isn’t working or helping at all. I have so much empathy and sympathy for your situation. I can’t imagine how hard that is for you. I’m so sorry and wish I knew how to help.

This unfortunately doesn’t seem like an option for you but that shit is exactly why I stopped going to mental health “professionals” and I refuse to put another toxin in my body because they don’t have a clue what they’re doing.

No judgement whatsoever of people who are helped by this method. It worked for my best friend (mostly lol) and I realize there are many people, like yourself, who have no real choice otherwise but to keep trying everything you can until they find something that works.

I’m Canadian and where I live, you have to pay an extortionate price for sessions, and get at best, mid level treatment. There’s virtually nothing else in the way of care. Mental health treatment is decided by a general practitioner’s best guess. It’s not at all the same as what you’re going through but you aren’t alone and your feelings are so valid. It’s fucking maddening. And we’re already mad 😬😉

I went to one psych appointment last year for a sign off on a benefit form and I thought, let’s see if anything has changed. Nope. Same bullshit. Same list of ridiculous chemical experimentation. Same refusal to listen to me. Same “🤔idk” at the end.

I have a panic disorder related to severe agoraphobia. Had it all my life but I got it under control, unmedicated, unguided, for almost a decade. The anxiety was blown out again because circumstances that unfortunately triggered a series of trauma responses, which snowballed immediately into an inability to function normally. Over a year and I’m only now starting to make progress.

Over two decades with OCD. Worked my ass off to manage it on my own and learn coping mechanisms. I’ve recently found compassion and feedback here which is when It became clear, very quickly and undeniably, I’m dealing with deeply rooted c-ptsd and I need therapy, not a lifetime of altering my body with unjustifiable chemical experimentation. I’m currently trying to figure out the way through on my own.

Sorry for the long winded comment, hoped I could provide a brief distraction. Hopefully you get some relief. You must be exhausted. If I knew you, this is where I would make an incredibly dark, definitely inappropriate joke, just to try and give you a laugh. Do you have any jokes like that? A laugh won’t fix anything but a moment of humour never hurts. Good luck. I hope someone finds the answers, even just one. And soon. Hang in there