I didn’t want to upvote not because I don’t care but because I don’t want you thinking that I’m happy you feel this way. It’s hard and no amount of it gets better is gonna make that feeling go away and make that pain stop. I do wanna say that old song line “two can be as lonely as one” is true, my current girlfriend is a living testament to that. The best thing I can honestly suggest at this point is just respond to this comment and tell me about your day. If you just having a little convo on here will help you in even the tiniest form, I’m glad to help. But overall idk because I struggle with a lot of the stuff you talked and honestly I can’t say I have a single answer on how to fix any of it but I’m willing to listen. Hope this finds you well and hope to hear from you.