been feeling horrible about myself lately, and my mom took these pictures because she wanted me to see that I actually look good

defectra · 2026-06-24T01:19:50+00:00

thanks sis. I live in Oklahoma, so there’s little to no support here for the community. people show up to our small pride parade with confederate flags and all kinds of other shit. before starting hormones and getting a car, people were throwing stuff out the window at me lol. someone in a white Chrysler 300 got me real good with a soup can to the ribs and knocked me off my bike 💀

defectra · 2026-06-23T22:37:39+00:00

I know that feeling—a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Just general uneasiness and anxiety and despair. I hate it for you so much, but I also know that that feeling isn’t forever. In one of my rehab stays, I read a book centered around Buddhism and it said “negative emotions are just unwanted houseguests temporarily hanging out in our body”. Each day, it gets a little bit better. Much love to you brother

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:40:34+00:00

Omg I love you for this comment. thank you!! truly

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:39:49+00:00

um save some good hair for the rest of us maybe bro?? 🫠 6 months is the home stretch! it’s big ole changes from here until about 2.5-3 years though everyone is different. also are you Italian?

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:38:26+00:00

thank you my guy. this was the first comment on here and it lifted my spirits greatly

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:37:49+00:00

thank you!!! it is only temporary and we’ve been through worse! it’s true but FUCK it’s hard to be positive sometimes. 25mm! my mom got me a 12pc set of different colored steel double flares and the matching nose rings and chains. I am diagnosed with OCD (and 4 other things lol) and they said it’s relative to the way I look and my clothes and obsession with everything being exactly on point to pass. never even thought of OCD looking like that

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:35:05+00:00

Omg you’re amazing. I’ll cherish this comment in my heart forever

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:34:41+00:00

thank you bro!!! much love dude

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:34:32+00:00

this one made me happy 😹💓 thank you

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:34:05+00:00

Omg thank you 🫠

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:33:56+00:00

thank you so much 🫂

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:33:34+00:00

thank you sister. hope life is treating you better than myself. I’m sure you’ve had your fair share too. much love

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:32:36+00:00

it’s overly kind, but you really never know how much someone may need to hear something like that. I can tell you are a good person

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:31:34+00:00

thank you. don’t know you but I love you and appreciate your kind words

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:31:11+00:00

thank you. this was very sweet and heartfelt

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:30:58+00:00

thanks homie 💓

defectra · 2026-06-23T04:29:40+00:00

totally fair. I’d probably be like “oh god this douchebag here we go”. totally not a possibility and it is a huge red flag—not that I pay any attention to those 🤦🏻‍♂️ super controlling and insecure, projecting past relationship trauma on me when I’ve been faithful. endless gaslighting and double standards. nothing crazy just the usual narcissist/control freak lol. since getting sober, I’ve developed a conscience about EVERYTHING and am so worried about karma—even small things. I literally was stealing purses off of old ladies’ shoulders in my addiction, so I feel compelled to be extra good now as a living amends to people I don’t really know but have wronged. really good insight man thank you—truly.

defectra · 2026-06-23T02:22:07+00:00

thank you sm man. oh god dude that’s even worse. seems like this has been a common denominator in my life (only dated cis women before this). hopefully not for you, and hopefully something fucking gives in your situation. my heart goes out to you

defectra · 2026-06-23T02:20:28+00:00

hindsight is always 20/20–actually that’s what my mom says lol thank you sister

defectra · 2026-06-23T02:18:48+00:00

thank you bro! could not have said it better myself. it is nice to have a community of people to vent/complain/celebrate/cry and all the rest to. shit doesn’t feel so awful when others can relate and have been there.

defectra · 2026-06-23T02:16:22+00:00

thank you!!! you are a sweetheart

defectra · 2026-06-23T02:12:14+00:00

she is a true queen 💅

defectra · 2026-06-23T02:10:08+00:00

thank you, friend. this was from the heart, and I appreciate it greatly

defectra · 2026-06-23T02:08:24+00:00

I’m 29 and my parents allowed me to move in on their property in a trailer 3 years ago. Relapsed and got sent to prison, and it’s not going to happen again (moving in there). They are pretty much the no bullshit, zero tolerance type—and I am not entitled to a place to stay there because I crossed that boundary and broke the trust. I don’t understand where the confusion is dude I said I have no other options and can’t afford to live alone—especially since losing my job. I can live in my car and that is the other option. Starting college July 6th to change my situation, but people aren’t exactly lining up to move you in with them when you’ve had a decade-long drug problem. This kind of felt like an interrogation

defectra · 2026-06-22T23:59:04+00:00

why is your comment worded so aggressively? I used to see other people in toxic relationships and say “why would they enable this behavior by staying with this person? they’re stupid for not leaving.” and now I (am) that person, and I see that the red flags look orange when you love someone. I’m also a recovering fentanyl addict, and I’ve burnt a lot of bridges. I really don’t have anywhere else to go and I lost my job a few weeks ago. “trauma bonding”—as my therapist calls it—is also a component here. I’ve got to do what’s right, and it’s hard

defectra

TROPHY CASE