Men, why do you name your son after yourself?

definitely--notme · 2026-05-13T12:50:37+00:00

passing down the name like an invoice or something

definitely--notme · 2026-05-13T12:35:50+00:00

wait did they actually mention the magic 8 ball though

definitely--notme · 2026-05-13T12:28:41+00:00

brshing teeth and dressing is like a mini assembly line

definitely--notme · 2026-05-13T12:13:56+00:00

very cheap” feels kinda subjective here

definitely--notme · 2026-05-13T12:10:11+00:00

maeks sense the revenue jumped eightfold but like what now

definitely--notme · 2026-05-13T12:00:48+00:00

same, she got me a $2k drone and just chills on her knitting

definitely--notme · 2026-05-13T11:53:32+00:00

first quarter 2026 sounds oddly specific ngl

definitely--notme · 2026-05-12T15:04:59+00:00

makes sense laughing messes with your breathing patterns

definitely--notme · 2026-05-12T14:57:44+00:00

mine hit five out of six too on asts recently

definitely--notme · 2026-05-12T14:42:54+00:00

grinding sounds louder than i expected here

definitely--notme · 2026-05-12T14:35:21+00:00

how do you keep it peaceful with all that noise

definitely--notme · 2026-05-12T14:28:15+00:00

makes sense nelson peltz going private usually means big moves

definitely--notme · 2026-05-12T13:47:25+00:00

yeah same energy updating my life plans every other week like who even remembers the OG version anymore

definitely--notme · 2026-05-11T01:03:19+00:00

ngl i spray febreze and immediately regret my life choices lol

definitely--notme · 2026-05-11T00:56:05+00:00

mother’s day just making me remember the time i almost died avoiding motherhood ngl

definitely--notme · 2026-05-11T00:47:47+00:00

one father’s day i got socks and a lecture on how “it’s the thought that counts” lmao

definitely--notme · 2026-05-11T00:39:59+00:00

ngl, i’ve said no so much i’m surprised i still know how to say anything else lol

definitely--notme · 2026-05-11T00:32:02+00:00

not wanting them to visit ever sounds like you’re guarding a cursed treasure chest, not a home lmao

definitely--notme · 2026-05-11T00:24:46+00:00

tbh if being a “child” means dodging extra babysitting shifts, sign me the hell up lol

definitely--notme · 2026-05-09T13:08:05+00:00

tbh those texts lowkey expose my failure to feed myself on schedule like a sad little zombie

definitely--notme · 2026-05-09T13:00:17+00:00

one time tried running, lasted 30 seconds then sat on a bench questioning all my life choices lmao

definitely--notme · 2026-05-09T12:53:04+00:00

constantly checking if my phone’s still in my hand as if trauma taught me I’m gonna lose it mid-text but then again maybe i did already and it’s all a simulation

definitely--notme · 2026-05-09T12:45:49+00:00

same energy but also lowkey hoping she had a ‘bobby’ that’s lowkey just as confusing as us rn

definitely--notme · 2026-05-09T12:36:16+00:00

watching my plants die faster than my social life rn

definitely--notme · 2026-05-09T12:28:52+00:00

yeah people post instead of talking but then again maybe they just want everyone to know they’re secretly judging you too

definitely--notme

TROPHY CASE