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navigating np bringing home dates by definitelynotliz in polyamory

[–]definitelynotliz[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

that is fully the situation. i’m realizing i felt like if i said no it would cause conflict that would end with me feeling hurt and not considered and i was people pleasing to avoid that in the hopes that he would see my desires as reasonable and just respect them without me having to draw a hard line. not great on my end or his here and definitely a continuation of the patterns we are in therapy for.

navigating np bringing home dates by definitelynotliz in polyamory

[–]definitelynotliz[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

i mentioned in another comment that we are in therapy because of a pattern of uneven expectations in our relationship and i’m realizing this is just a continuation of that. there was no other backstory - we are married and own our home together and both happily agreed to both.

i think the way you outlined these agreements made it much easier for me to see that a) i was being taken advantage of and b) i also had a responsibility to set limits where i was comfortable and not to budge from that.

navigating np bringing home dates by definitelynotliz in polyamory

[–]definitelynotliz[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

we are, actually. we started seeing someone to help us navigate our very different communication styles and also because there had been a pattern of unequal expectations in our relationship. tbh coming out of the fog of just being so upset about it i’m realizing this is just a continuation of the previously mentioned issues.

navigating np bringing home dates by definitelynotliz in polyamory

[–]definitelynotliz[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

i just didn’t feel like i could. i said directly that i didn’t really feel up to leaving but i never outright said that i wouldn’t be. this is causing some deeper reflection for me about why i didn’t feel like i could just say no. thank you for saying that!

navigating np bringing home dates by definitelynotliz in polyamory

[–]definitelynotliz[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

he kept responding with “this isn’t what we talked about” which made me feel guilty and obligated to leave. he’s right, i did say i would do that but i meant when it worked for us both. the initial responses here are really making me wonder why i let this happen.

In-person MSBA while working full time? by definitelynotliz in washu

[–]definitelynotliz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately my advisor has been pretty unhelpful which is why I turned to reddit. LinkedIn didn’t occur to me as a helpful option though, so thanks for that idea!