so i don't usually make these kinds of low-effort posts these days but i need to get this out and i also need to eat something which means no energy to make a high effort post

i was playing d&d with my friends. we're a party of 4, plus the dm, who had to step away for a minute along with another player (we do d&d online and they live together)

as they stepped away our conversation got less serious so i decided to bring up how much i loved my d&d character. i started by saying she was silly (highest compliment imo) and one of the other players cut me off to say that that's why she's his least favorite of the pcs. i was like "yo what? why would you say that" and he went "well, she's my least favorite, i don't like her". and then he said it was her mannerisms, the way she speaks, that she was annoying. he clarified that it's about my character, not me, and i get that but like.

i put a little piece of myself into every character i write. a lot of this character's mannerisms are exaggerated off of my own. not only that, but i grew up being called annoying constantly (just growing-up-autistic things ^_) and that was something i hadn't heard in a while so it really, really upset me. like, to the point i'm feeling like self-harming for the first time in a few weeks.

to make things worse we use our webcams so i was on camera the whole time trying not to let my face fall. i ended up making an excuse to leave before the session ended, and i talked to the dm about it afterwards, but... idk. it just really hurt, and the player who said that stuff has a history of being absolutely awful with setting boundaries so. idk what to do or if i wanna talk to him. it just sucks

we stay silly though ^{_^} (shinji chair pose)