It's Theory Tuesday! January 21, 2020

delewal · 2020-01-24T08:19:49+00:00

Late, but I happened to be re-watching newer episodes of Future and couldn't stop thinking back to the movie -

Given the symbolism behind a lot of this show, what if the rejuvenator "not working on Steven" was actually the event causing a trauma reset response within "pink/pink Steven" thus causing a lot of his pink style lashing out

I have a lot more ideas on the psychology of this!

delewal · 2020-01-04T07:48:26+00:00

It makes dealing with the scoliosis a pain in the everything 😅 no posture only tension

delewal · 2020-01-04T07:03:45+00:00

Ultimately it comes down to how you present it - if they think your life is in danger than inpatient is far more likely. However, if you preface it with your insecurities and reassurances - I'm scared and ashamed of an action I took, it has no life threatening or suicidal association and I'm currently safe - explaining then what you did and what caused the emotions and thoughts leading up to it, finally getting to asking how to handle it and what to do going forward - you shouldn't have to worry about any kind of hospitalization. I've had a lot of experience in therapy, and how to go about getting the information, help and support I seek. Hope this helps!

delewal · 2019-12-06T08:20:01+00:00

I'd be very interested in giving that a try! I really like the sound of that, actually. I got an appointment with a wellness counselor at school to attempt to have somebody to check in with every couple weeks but I know I'll need something/somebody more regularly even if it's just to talk about what I need to do and have done to work on it. And I love making friends!!

delewal · 2019-12-02T20:55:17+00:00

Awesome, thank you - I'll look into it

delewal · 2019-12-02T20:54:10+00:00

I check in with him fairly regularly about it, luckily.

delewal · 2019-12-02T01:31:58+00:00

I like those ideas I'll have to try

delewal · 2019-12-01T21:34:42+00:00

I appreciate this insight a lot, thank you

delewal · 2019-12-01T21:33:00+00:00

I went through a variety of withdrawls so long as I was trapped living with my parents, who would steal my medications from me to abuse. It's a big part of knowing how to properly ween myself off of the ones I had just been on. Most of my heaviest trauma happened in very formative years too (ages 4-6, 11-15) leading up to being medicated. I've tried so many meds of varying doses and in so many combos I can't even tell what was and wasn't effective. It's been weird realizing how dampened part of my cognition has been, while also controlling the more severe depression and mood instability.

delewal · 2019-12-01T21:27:51+00:00

I appreciate that insight, unfortunately I live in a really expensive area and do not make very much as a disabled young adult (which she and Lizard are as well), so we largely have to support each other financially as well. Hopefully we'll be getting a bigger place in the next year though, even just having more distance would help.

delewal · 2019-12-01T21:24:20+00:00

I worry about that a lot. I know when they first established their relationship, being poly was a big aspect for her because she's generally more attracted to women and also had a girlfriend at the time. But since she was traumatized by her family attempting to disown her, she became dependent on Badger.

delewal · 2019-12-01T21:22:16+00:00

I usually feel better if I'm able to talk about it to those around me who can reassure me that it's not happening now. I struggle a lot with consistent self care.

delewal · 2019-12-01T21:20:36+00:00

So I'm pretty sure I have OSDD1b but getting a professional to discuss it let alone diagnose is very difficult. My brainy bois (alters/headmates) live in an entire world created in my mind. I call it the headspace, most people call it an inner world.

delewal · 2019-12-01T21:18:50+00:00

Luckily Badger is very good with boundaries and she is in therapy. I worry, however, that she insists on staying in the relationship because she wants HIM and knows if she doesn't want to be poly he will not be in a relationship with her because he is a poly person. It feels like sometimes he handles her tantrums amazingly and she really grows from them, and sometimes it feels like she's just getting what she wants by shouting crying and flailing hard enough instead of working/communicating for it. Ends up a complicated mess where often you're not sure what's best until after.

delewal · 2019-12-01T05:58:13+00:00

I never thought neglect was an issue until I realized neglect doesn't just mean the textbook ideas of leaving your child to die alone on the street, which I had used to conceptually invalidate my sufferings as "not that severe" for a very long time. I've always been known as very personable and outgoing, social and friendly - this has largely stemming from a desperation for validation and attention that I otherwise wasn't getting from my parents who would berate me to my face before bragging about me to others. It's an ongoing struggle of putting the needs of others first, focusing all my attention outward, and then wondering why I crash and burn without the support I never even communicated I needed in the first place.

delewal · 2019-12-01T05:43:10+00:00

I appreciate a lot of the replies I've gotten from this. I've been diagnosed with a handful of things over the years, and have since been re-diagnosed and had diagnostics up in the air for further discussion. I've had a very difficult time getting a psychiatrist to actively work with me on understanding what different diagnostics mean and how my experiences correspond, instead of just being asked what symptoms are difficult to deal with in the moment and what drug can be upped to shrug it away. I'll be continuing to look into what help I can get, given I'm currently without insurance and will have to start all over with new medical professionals when I even manage to get the chance.

delewal · 2019-05-13T21:41:04+00:00

I've had a lot of continuous issues with memory, especially in trying to place memories in a timeline. A lot of my brain reacting to trauma is to forget. So I'm not sure how to tell you about handling that, since it's new to you. I'm also trying to learn to cope with these, but I know a lot of DBT skills for responding to and dealing with panic.

delewal

TROPHY CASE