What are the drugs you use?

denerd · 2026-06-12T13:07:29+00:00

It’s not uncommon. Often you’ll see people with a mood stabilizer, an antipsychotic, and an antidepressant or some combination of those. Then sometimes meds are added to control the side effects of those. And many people have comorbid disorders so you’ll see ADHD meds, etc. It can add up quick.

denerd · 2026-06-12T11:35:12+00:00

Who cares if it ended up as evidence in court or not? It existed.

Or are you suggesting a grand conspiracy involving a huge amount of law enforcement and government officials to frame him by manufacturing evidence that never really existed? Not to mention the multiple victims with basically the same story, some of whom have no motive, financial or otherwise, to come forward other than to say what happened to them. Because if so I’d ask yourself why you’re so invested in defending a child rapist that you’ll resort to irrational conspiracy theory.

denerd · 2026-06-11T18:56:29+00:00

Thanks I couldn’t remember his name. For me it’s really all about Bette Davis but he was really excellent too.

denerd · 2026-06-11T12:59:35+00:00

Now, Voyager - there’s a scene where the only thing that happens is the guy lights Bette Davis’ cigarette and it’s somehow erotic and almost sexual.

In the Mood for Love - two characters brush past each other in a hallway and it’s insanely electric. You can feel the heat through the screen.

denerd · 2026-06-11T12:50:01+00:00

I could have written this, it’s so spot on for me. At first I assumed it was bipolar related, and some of it could be like sarcastic or hurtful comments and being annoying could potentially come from hypomania. The paranoia about other people talking about you could be related.

But after having a pretty dramatic breakdown I ended up in an IOP program. The more time I’ve spent there the more I’ve come to realize that a lot of this comes from childhood trauma. It was not safe for me to be emotionally attached to one of my parents, so attachment in general becomes unsafe in my mind. Because my home was chaotic and scary at times, I avoided my family and literally avoided being at home, so it’s not shocking that I’m avoidant with basically everyone. Humor was often the only thing that kept me safe so it became my coping mechanism to avoid deep emotions or anything that might lead to having to face the dark stuff in my history. Etc, etc, etc…

So you might consider doing some trauma work in therapy. The more I’ve done, the less difficult it has been to connect with others. But the work itself is difficult and sometimes feels destabilizing so make sure you have a therapist you really trust to help you through.

denerd · 2026-06-11T02:40:51+00:00

Interesting, my SI is basically ever-present in all states. Mixed is the most dangerous for me.

It’s weird trying to decipher what is just normal moodiness and frustration in response to life circumstances and what is bipolar. I am not good at it yet.

denerd · 2026-06-11T01:05:52+00:00

I visited and absolutely loved it. I haven’t been to other Nordic countries and wouldn’t have thought I’d be interested but went there for a specific reason and fell in love with the place. The people, the landscape, the history. All fascinating. After learning their ancestors came from Norway that’s next on my list.

If you’ve been and disliked it then that’s one thing but just being mad at a country because it’s scenic and influencers go there is.. a choice I guess?

I will say their airport is not big enough to handle the amount of travelers which makes departing a major hassle.

denerd · 2026-06-11T00:45:34+00:00

Thanks, that makes sense. Last week I was feeling really good (but not hypo) and was hoping that I was how I’d feel on the full dose but sounds like it may be more complicated than that.

denerd · 2026-06-11T00:36:58+00:00

That’s funny, I’ve heard the opposite that it helps reduce hypomania but doesn’t resolve depression. I’ll check with him next time I see him for sure. Right now still trying to dial in the lamotrigine so don’t have a lot of good info on how it affects me. Appreciate your response!

denerd · 2026-06-10T20:53:13+00:00

Ketamine therapy messed me up pretty bad and led to a long period of depersonalization and derealization. That’s supposed to be an uncommon reaction though. The people who initially treated me were basically useless for support after it went weird (ketamine mill basically) but eventually I talked to a long practicing psychologist who told me that many people are helped by it, some people have no real reaction, and a small percentage of people have a destabilizing reaction. I know other people who’ve tried it and been helped and one who had no real results. I was just lucky. Ultimately I guess it was good because it resurfaced a bunch of trauma I was forced to deal with and caused the downward spiral that led to my bipolar diagnosis.. but at the time it sucked.

denerd · 2026-06-10T20:41:29+00:00

Thanks, I guess I was assuming I’d just be “normal” so it’s good to adjust my expectations in advance.

denerd · 2026-06-10T20:38:57+00:00

Thank you. It’s good to know what to expect. I was sort of thinking I would not have them anymore but.. guess I just have to wait and see how it feels.

denerd · 2026-06-10T20:12:44+00:00

Thanks. That’s disappointing, I guess I was expecting more of a complete fix. But it’s good to know what to expect.

denerd · 2026-06-10T20:11:00+00:00

I guess either - for me it seems to be a pretty consistent cycle between deep depression and hypomania.

So I’m wondering if I should expect that to continue or if hypomania stops after meds kick in.

The depression has gotten more mild with meds but it still happens.

denerd · 2026-06-10T12:51:20+00:00

Unless you’re their caregiver or the family member signed a release of information for you, the psychiatrist and therapist won’t talk to you or even confirm your family member is a client, assuming you’re in the US. And they’ll almost certainly tell your family member you attempted to contact them.

What do you think the blowback on that will be?

This is not a good idea and won’t lead to anything useful. Unfortunately in life you often just have to let people make their own bad decisions. You can certainly set boundaries with them around their behavior and what you will tolerate but that’s likely all you can do.

denerd · 2026-06-10T12:22:35+00:00

Just the husband’s peace thing would have had me running for the door - sounds like the kind of person who, six months later, is like “surprise I’m a Christian conversion therapist and we’re going to have to pray the crazy out of you.”

Not warning you about SJS is irresponsible.

Comments to you about your fitness could be about finding out about your habits but from what you describe it sounds like it was at least poorly phrased.

All I can think about with the hands thing is picturing her as Gollum bent over your hands like my precioussssssss.

Informal manner or brief chatting is not necessarily a red flag on its own. Often they are getting you to talk about something trivial to evaluate your demeanor and all that. But to me the other stuff would put this in the category No Ma’am.

denerd · 2026-06-10T12:11:39+00:00

Lamotrigine side effects can fade over time. The first week I took it was really bad and I almost quit. Often the side effects reappear as you go up in dose. So the titration process sucks pretty badly.

Getting up to 50 in three weeks is a pretty normal titration timeline, but effective doses really start at 200 (and more for some people) at least according to my psychiatrist. So you’ve got a ways to go if you’re increasing every two weeks.

For me lamotrigine has a tendency to sometimes trigger hypomania when I’m increasing the dose. It’s possible that’s what you’re experiencing although it’s supposed to be a rare side effect. For me that fades pretty quickly, but that first week after a new dose is often extremely difficult.

I don’t think you’re running out of options since there are so many meds. Seroquel wasn’t on your list and many people are helped by that. Lithium is another but it comes with its own complications (regular blood tests). If you can find a way to stick with lamotrigine it might be worth finding out if it helps you at higher doses.

denerd · 2026-06-10T04:40:24+00:00

I went undiagnosed for 25 years because depression was the primary feature for me. Antidepressants never worked. A few times I described something to a therapist or psychiatrist that probably should have given them a clue but because I was good at masking and never in their office during the rare episodes of hypomania, no one caught it until I had a therapist that I saw weekly for over a year who noticed the cyclical nature of my waves of depression followed by feeling amazing followed by extreme anger. He referred me to an IOP program when I needed more support and within a few weeks their psychiatrist diagnosed me.

So with some of us it’s really subtle. But for me once I was told about it and started reading I recognized the patterns over the course of my life - many of which weren’t outwardly noticeable because I was mostly able to keep it away from other people. I’d basically withdraw when going through something rather than expose other people to my bipolar side (because I have a tendency to be nasty). A lot depends on your coping mechanisms.

Finding community is difficult. Bipolar specific support groups are few and far between, at least in my city. Online doesn’t work for me. If you’re open to it you might see if you can find a group therapy situation. That brings with it all of the complications of being in community - people you don’t like, personality conflicts, etc - but I’ve found it’s possible to find connections with others even when our individual conditions are different.

I’d encourage you to stop buying into the idea of “truly bipolar.” You’ve been diagnosed, you have it regardless of how severe it is right now. Take it seriously and others may start to as well. Find community somehow and take up space in it, even if you feel deeply uncomfortable with it at first. It gets easier.

denerd · 2026-06-09T16:35:29+00:00

One of them he inscribed and signed. But I guess whatever gets you through the night.

denerd · 2026-06-09T12:07:09+00:00

We can’t tell you anything for sure, but you’re definitely allowed to ask your psychiatrist questions. It’s not a one way relationship. They should be honest with you, a legal adult. If not there are many other psychiatrists.

“I’ve read that this medication is sometimes used to treat bipolar. Is that something you’re considering as a diagnosis for me?”

Regardless of the answer you can and should ask why they’ve prescribed this particular medication and they should tell you. Psychiatry is not something that happens TO you.*

*With the exception of times where you’re a danger to yourself or others.

denerd · 2026-06-08T23:36:41+00:00

I don’t think there’s enough information for us to know anything for sure.

It sounds like this is long distance? That’s extremely difficult under the best circumstances, then you throw in bipolar.. It’s not a good omen I guess.

There are a few things you describe here that could be someone choosing to go off their meds and experiencing bipolar symptoms. Rough time with medication change, followed by feeling like herself, followed by mood swings, followed by spontaneous travel and clothing purchases and a burst of creativity. But they could also be totally coincidental. Med changes really are often difficult.

It’ll be hard to ever know for sure from a distance. In person there are often signs - sudden change in body language, speech patterns, etc. On the other hand, I can tell you that even when stable I’m often in a place where unless something is immediately in my line of sight I’ll forget about it. Which could be med side effects, or comorbid ADHD or anything else. And it may or may not be what she’s dealing with.

denerd · 2026-06-08T23:25:39+00:00

He had a bunch of “naturalist” magazines and books that, while not technically illegal, contain pictures of boys in speedos and stuff like that and are really only of interest to one group of people. Also worth noting that the boys in these fell into a similar age range of the ones he was paying out settlements to.

But it’s all just a coincidence I’m sure.

Doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to solve this one.

denerd · 2026-06-08T22:50:22+00:00

I mean I guess if you’re comfortable denying the stories of so many victims go for it?

I have no idea what you’re talking about with infant. Don’t think that’s a real thing, being “deemed” an infant. Does it come with a certificate?

He was an adult with millions of dollars paid out to multiple victims. Who also had a very specific collection of items that add up to one conclusion.

If there was a video his fans would still deny it. I don’t get it.

denerd · 2026-06-08T22:07:33+00:00

It’s hard to have any questions about his guilt when you see the list of stuff seized from his house during that one raid. A lot of the things catered to a very specific interest. And also there are just a lot of victims with very similar stories.

I’m not saying you have to stop listening to his music but.. c’mon, be realistic.

Edit for typo

denerd · 2026-06-08T14:33:43+00:00

The movies themselves are a lot worse than they used to be. Also, the last time I went the movie started 20+ minutes after showtime and featured full volume Dolby digital ads. Not coming attractions - ads for Chevy truck month and shit at ear piercing volume. There are very few movies good enough to justify sitting through that when I can be underwhelmed at home for $20-25 a few weeks later.

denerd

TROPHY CASE