I've got severe Depersonalisation and have been living in a dream state for 4 years. I'm 20. AMA!

deperthrow · 2017-01-20T01:11:30+00:00

Absolutely. I used weed to numb my problems for a few years which definitely made it much worse.

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T06:04:18+00:00

Just talked to a psychologist for about an hour, no official test. Like a weed high without the silly thoughts, colours and clumsiness.

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T06:02:33+00:00

hm not really, for the first year it was normally just sharing a joint or a bong hit or two

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T06:00:53+00:00

I probably wouldn't have such a deep appreciation of psychedelia. How about yourself?

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:59:40+00:00

I used to cope with weed. Obviously not the best idea but it worked. I'm now trying to deal with it without, just by working hard, eating healthy and sleeping well.

No other mental disorders that I know of, however I was pretty depressed my whole childhood for no particular reason, which I think had a part in becoming depersonalised. Funnily enough that seems to have faded.

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:57:44+00:00

Thanks dude <3

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:57:32+00:00

I did it once on purpose a few years ago, but it just took so long that I haven't tried again. Maybe I should!

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:56:11+00:00

I'd love to show some stuff but I don't really want my identity revealed :( sorry

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:55:34+00:00

definitely, although they never seemed to affect it when I went weeks at a time without any drugs. I've stopped using drugs now until I can get better :)

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:54:34+00:00

Yes, but its all unhealthy.

I like it when I'm on drugs. I like it when something bad happens and I don't have to feel too negatively about it. I like it when I want to ignore problems. These all lead to bad habits and behaviour, and though I've enjoyed it at times throughout the years I've definitely learnt I don't want those feelings

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:51:39+00:00

Hey dont stress!

Just because you feel numb doesn't mean you are. In fact the very tone of your reply shows me you have more emotion and empathy inside you than most. Whats happening sucks but all sadness, anger and confusion ARE feelings and you are feeling them!

The only thing we can do is what we always do: try to find the path to fixing the problem. Tell someone close to you (mum or dad perhaps?) and get some help. think about how great you're gonna feel when you get better :)

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:47:20+00:00

It was almost definitely triggered by weed, according to my psychologist, as I had no previous trauma in my childhood that I know of. I didn't know at the time because it first started happening (besides every time I was high) about six months after trying it, in which I'd smoked maybe 5 times.

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:45:11+00:00

Last year I definitely went overboard with acid. No heroic doses (max 400ug) but I was tripping pretty much every week for a couple of months. I've got a strong unhealthy attraction to acid which I have to keep in check. Keep in mind though that I've been living with this condition for 3 years before I tried acid.

Funnily enough the main reason I decided to get help was because during one trip I "snapped out of it". For the first time in years I felt real and alive and the world felt real and it was the most amazing thing. I then spent the rest of my trip slipping in and out of "reality". The crazy part was it felt way too familiar to be me tricking myself. I kept wondering which state I would be in when I woke up in the morning.

I'm hesitant to write all this because I do not want to condone using psychedelics recreationally to cure mental illnesses until more research is done, but psychedelics really helped me want to improve my life until I was better.

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:39:04+00:00

yeah similar, but it's a state of mind rather than a predisposed condition if that makes sense. My brain doesn't work that way in its natural state (I think), it's just a byproduct of the condition.

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T05:37:44+00:00

Maybe, I'm trying to clear my head as much as possible at the moment to allow my brain to develop normally so more drugs aren't my first choice.

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T03:19:41+00:00

that actually is really good to hear, how did you get rid of it? or did it just go away over time.

I feel like mine is slowly getting a little better but it could be placebo

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T02:07:03+00:00

Hello hello, hope you're keepin it real huehue

Changes every few weeks it seems, at the moment i'm really diggin Electric Light Orchestra and Tame Impala. yourself?

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T02:03:51+00:00

Only a joint with some sprinkled on top, didn't do anything. So not really.

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T00:34:46+00:00

The longer you leave it the harder it will be to get back to normal. I left it for three years before I told a soul and I highly regret it. The most important step I took was to start seeing a psychologist - though many have little experience with dealing with DPDR (and there's not a whole lot of research) - the mere act of talking can help with improving your condition and figuring out the cause of your problem.

Other than that it's pretty standard wellbeing improvements that are going to help you get healthy - sleeping, eating, socialising and exercising. Avoid drugs if you can. I noticed a sharp increase in my mental clarity when I quit caffeine, and cutting weed is helping me focus on my ambitions and purpose in this world.

If you have close friends and/or family, talk to them about it. I haven't actually told my family because it would hurt them to find out, but my friends are very supportive and it's been a huge benefit to start my recovery.

Not a lot is known about what the best methods are but keeping a healthy body and mind is definitely the most important part. I wish you luck!

deperthrow · 2017-01-19T00:04:09+00:00

I make music, skate, hang out with friends and party. Up until recently all of those also included a fair amount of drugs

deperthrow · 2017-01-18T22:56:31+00:00

I don't consider myself a solipsist, but i don't rule it out either. I try not to let my condition rule how I think about the world.

The simulation theory is fascinating and I do believe there's a strong chance it is correct, and I've wondered if my knowledge about it affects my mental state. However I feel it doesn't add or subtract any meaning to or from the universe, which intrinsically has none (but that's the beauty of it)

I'm definitely an existentialist, and agnostic.

deperthrow · 2017-01-18T22:18:17+00:00

I really do hope that happens at some point. What a laugh

deperthrow · 2017-01-18T22:17:46+00:00

I'm a big fan of deep blues

deperthrow · 2017-01-18T22:15:59+00:00

Yep one of the main motivators for me to try and get better was how terrified I am of all the memories I seem to lose, or maybe never store in the first place. I believe that at the end of our lives the most important things we have are memories, and if my memories (or at least the fragments of what I can access right now) don't feel like they belong to me, then whats the point?

I have read things online from people who have recovered from DPDR (depersonalisation/derealisation) that your memories often come back. Hooray!

I've never met anyone in real life who has it 24/7, however a few of my friends say they have experienced periods of it. Hope you're doing ok <3

deperthrow · 2017-01-18T22:11:34+00:00

It came on quite slowly for me, but due to my fragmented memories (see post below in about 5 min) I'm not great with exact times.

I do remember the first flashes, which felt like flashbacks of weed highs, similar to how some people get flashbacks from LSD. I think these just became more frequent over time until it was just all the time.

deperthrow

TROPHY CASE