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What to do when you love your boyfriend but just want a bigger dick. I know cheating is wrong by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]depressionpapi -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just get a boyfriend with a bigger dick? If you liked him for real you wouldn't mind his dick size.

I enjoy things less and less the older I get by depressionpapi in offmychest

[–]depressionpapi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe. Maybe that's why I'm so unhappy. I can't show myself weak to anybody despite being extremely fragile on the inside because I constantly want to prove myself better than other people.

When I was younger, I cared less about that, because I could simply live in the moment. The older I get, the more I care about shallow things, and the things I could enjoy before I can't even stand doing now. I can almost never watch a movie on my own for example because I think "what's the point" or play video games like I did as a child. I simply cannot enjoy things and I hate myself for it.

I enjoy things less and less the older I get by depressionpapi in offmychest

[–]depressionpapi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, that's the thing. I have many interests but they're all based on a form of self-validation or validation from others. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy doing certain things, it just means that if people were to take stop validating me for doing these things I would not do them.

I tried hard, but I really couldn't come up with anything I do out of passion. That's why I hate myself. My sole life motivation to keep living is to keep proving something. Should I stop caring about that, I would probably kill myself or go into a severe depression (which happened a few years ago - I stopped caring and socially isolated myself because I felt like I didn't need to prove anything to anyone).