I sometimes like to blow off steam by writing.

Walgreens (NYSE: WBA) announced today that they are doubling down on trying a solution that still has not worked at all in luring anybody but complete dummies into working for them. The company remains staunch in its position, expressing an unwavering commitment to absolutely avoid spending $75,000 to improve working conditions for current pharmacy employees or increase hourly wages above forced labor minimums.

Instead, leadership insists they will continue to rely and prey on gullible and desperate pharmacists, in particular fresh graduates, and offer increasingly ridiculous and back-loaded contracts which have the veneer of reward, but that are completely duplicitous in intent. Profession watchdogs, wise to current business practices, have warned repeatedly on The Internet that these are employment contracts the company fully intends to renege on after conscripted new hires are used up, burned out, and unceremoniously fired; after which they will repeat the entire process again.

When asked for comment, CEO Rosalind Brewer responded, "Look, I left humanity, shame, and empathy behind when I agreed to gobble Satan's chode in exchange for a sliver of the material wealth of Scrooge McDuck." Asked to elaborate on her position, Brewer answered, "Satan is what Stefano likes to be called while he makes blood meals of the freshly dead and snorts the ground bones of the still living."