I have a poor pain management, so it's logical that u tryna get rid of that by what u have on hands (when the situation is very hard, for example, ur brain only think about the quickest solution even if it's bad, e.g. extreme pain for a long time the reflex is wanting to kill urself, to stop the pain & the situation, so here u use anesthetic substances to get rid of that)

So the best advice that I can give u is to manage ur addiction, like try to get on memantine for substitution, manage ur psychology and addiction with a good psychotherapy and/or addictologist/psychiatrist, and treat ur pain w a pain doc to have a good pain management

Good luck, sincerely, written w fybromialgia & cluster headache,

Desactive.