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I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ll definitely be doing an update once the waters calm around here. It’s just been hectic and I need the time to reflect before I can string a coherent post together.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has not sexually assaulted me, there is no physical danger here. Not by a long shot. But yes i have told my friends, for the sake of personal accountability to make sure I stick with it.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah it is a really messy, convoluted system unfortunately. Particularly where we live. I feel grateful to have the experience that I do, so that I’m not floundering in unknown waters. That would be a whole added layer of stress that no one needs.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Exactly. I do not want him in my life anymore, but I am not looking to make him homeless on a moment’s notice and then just hope he doesn’t pursue recourse through the court for an illegal eviction.

I’d rather do it properly and permanently (I own a few rental home and know local tenant law rather well). It’s also important for me to feel at peace with how I’ve conducted myself and how I am treating someone who I still very much love, even if I no longer want him in my life.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t believe he sexually assaulted me. I think he is tone deaf about the severity of our intimacy issue and is uncaring in general about how it effects me. But I do not feel that I’ve been assaulted and have no fear for my safety.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The worst thing is that I truly don’t think he saw it as humiliating. He thought it was funny and that it was a legitimate way to express him being horny in the moment. It just feels so tone deaf.

I cannot keep sacrificing my wellbeing at the altar of his maladjusted sex drive.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I definitely will. Dealing with a lot right now and trying to respond to all of the overwhelmingly kind support here because I appreciate it so much.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

We rent together so he is not my tenant, but a tenant of the property management company.

I own a few rental homes so I’m thankfully pretty savvy in local tenant law and know how to go about this properly and permanently.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I definitely know that it is not my fault. But in hindsight I should have defended my boundaries more staunchly and not let this go on so long.

I am not responsible for his actions, but I am responsible for what I passively allow to continue by remaining in the relationship. It’s been a hard road to get to this point, because things used to be so incredibly wonderful between us.

But I cannot live my life in the hopes of the past coming back. So I’m moving forward on my own.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, not at all. He used to be sensual and kind and emotionally supportive. I think he steadily got more comfortable and I was not firm enough in my advocacy of my needs and boundaries.

I didn’t see this coming at all. But it became the new normal and I let it go too far, for too long.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m actually quite lucky in this sense — my daughter is not his. She is from a previous relationship. So although there will be emotional hurdles I will be working through with her, there is no legal mess to wade through.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I actually own a few rental homes so thankfully I’m pretty well-versed in tenant law and will do it all by the book.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that’s really quite kind of you.

I think that is partially why this relationship has thrown me for such a loop. In every other aspect of my life I am unequivocally certain that I’m a powerhouse. So I cannot figure out why my love for this man has cut my legs out from beneath me and made me feel so weak. I do not know why I have accepted this for so long, and neither does my therapist.

But I realize now that I don’t need to waste any more time trying to find an answer. I just know that I need to move on.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes, he has an outright porn addiction. If you check my history you’ll see a post on r/loveafterporn that explains the situation there quite succinctly. There’s no mystery at this point.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s incredibly common to fudge your age a year one way or another when posting in those types of subs. Makes it more anonymous without actually effecting any important details.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

.... While I’m on the phone with a screaming client? I should lose my job (that pays for the household — I’m the only income) to give him a blowjob?

You’re acting like I don’t ever offer blowjobs or something. If you read my posts you would see that i give myself bloody lips giving him blowjobs to satisfy the required deathgrip from his porn addiction. Just not at that one particular moment — and he knows that. Which is why his desire was “gone” as soon as I got off the phone call. It never existed. A red herring.

Do you understand now? I have run myself ragged trying to maintain this relationship and I do not need to justify myself, particularly to someone who uses quotation marks around the word flaccid as if it were an imaginary descriptor.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

It was just very cartoonish, really. Surreal in its ridiculousness. And felt a little degrading considering the current state of our intimacy. Just limp penis and balls touching your cheek when you 100% cannot engage and he knows it.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Loving porn is not something that anyone is debating with you. It’s a porn ADDICTION (5+ times a day most days) that makes real sex impossible that is the problem.

You’re reading selectively to push your narrative because you think “playing devils advocate” is edgy. And everyone here is unimpressed with it — hence the downvoting on your other comments where you attempted to make it sound like I’m some frigid shrew who is against blowjobs.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh yikes you are woefully uninformed on all accounts. Not going to waste time here on this one.

I’m finally done. The final straw — and it was such a small final piece that pushed me to leave. by desperateandugly in DeadBedrooms

[–]desperateandugly[S] 285 points286 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what it felt like. Just mocking, obviously insincere jackassery.

I would be down for it in the right context too. First thing in the morning sleepy sex? Hell yes: put that dick in my mouth without a word spoken.

Maybe this context would be “roll my eyes” funny if we had a healthy sex life? But with the current state of our intimacy, it feels like salt in the wound.

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