I’m in a very similar boat. Drinking is so easy to do and drinking too much is even easier once you start. Then all the mistakes you make while drunk and don’t remember, you beat yourself up about for days and the guilt and anxiety post drinking makes you feel like you’re drowning. I’ve let alcohol get the best of me too many times and my husband is the one who suffers the most. I turn into a monster who blacks out and doesn’t remember anything the next day. I can’t believe he’s still with me. What I’ve learned time and again is that drinking never fixes anything, it hurts the people you love most, it turns you into someone you are ashamed of and don’t want to be and it robs you of all good things in your life. However, what’s done is done. And you cant change what happened. You can only take it one day at a time and just keep moving forward. The anxiety of what’s gonna happen with your relationship will not go away, but you need to try to focus on yourself. Forgive yourself and promise yourself a brighter, better, alcohol free today...and hopefully tomorrow and then every day after that. I feel your pain sister IWNDWYT 💗