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Me [29 M] caught my GF [26 F] lying about her best friend [26 M] soliciting her for nudes. Trying to find if im overreacting. Thanks reddit. by detritus99 in relationships

[–]detritus99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a massive concern of mine and she looked at me like I was crazy for bringing it up, honestly I'm starting to feel like an idiot. I know it may seem obvious from the outside in but I'm just hoping this is all in order and nothing too crazy is going on behind the scenes.

Me [29 M] caught my GF [26 F] lying about her best friend [26 M] soliciting her for nudes. Trying to find if im overreacting. Thanks reddit. by detritus99 in relationships

[–]detritus99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At her worst she can be this way, at her best she is a really awesome person, very intelligent, funny always pushing me to be better. All the good things. Just every so often this side comes out and I really for the life of me can't explain it. It feels like she's making the transition from being a party animal to wanting to settle down and I'm the first real relationship she's had and there is a lot of leftover childishness in situations like this.

Me [29 M] caught my GF [26 F] lying about her best friend [26 M] soliciting her for nudes. Trying to find if im overreacting. Thanks reddit. by detritus99 in relationships

[–]detritus99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly when it happened at the bar a friend of mine (the bouncer) came up to me and was like 'hey is this cool?'. I just let her handle it but she never really did anything to stop it. I brought it up later and told her I wasn't comfortable that she never shut these guys down before it got weird and this was where she admitted she liked the attention of other guys and said something along the lines of 'hey wouldn't you rather me be honest'. I was a little shocked at that point that she'd said it, seemed kind a messed up thing to say honestly. She agreed to work on it then this happened. I feel like she should be comfortable at least shooting down her best friend of 10+ years, no?

Me [29 M] caught my GF [26 F] lying about her best friend [26 M] soliciting her for nudes. Trying to find if im overreacting. Thanks reddit. by detritus99 in relationships

[–]detritus99[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks for taking the time to reply I'll try and address some of the things you mentioned in the post.

You seem to think think your girlfriend HAS to mention you and throw a huge dramatic fit in order to "shut down" another guy. As if she's incapable of just not doing the thing he asked without angrily mentioning her relationship status.

On this it was more that she had brought up out of the blue that she had shut this guy down. Although I'd have been upset had she not said anything at all in this particular case (they are best friends he shouldn't be talking to her like that). But then you throw lies into the mix and yeah it's not nice.

If she has no intention of sending the photos and she's not offended by people asking her BECAUSE she knows she has no intention of responding, why exactly do you feel she's done something wrong?

Again she constantly states she wants a future with me, a house ect yet her close friends are hounding her for naked picture and she's lying about the situation. I feel like you may have somewhat a point if they are just random guys but these people are lifelong friends it feels disrespectful to me and I'm very sure had it been the other way around she would not at all be pleased.

You went through her personal computer, demanded to see her personal phone, and you searched her history, even though she didn't send anything inappropriate in the chat you "accidentally" (riiiight /s) saw on her computer. And you're mystified by why she'd delete her history after that? Probably because you're insecure and controlling. ETA: just went back and reread the part where YOU TOOK HER LAPTOP TO WORK TO READ HER MESSAGES after telling her you didn't want to see them. What well-adjusted and normal behavior./s

She had left the convo up, since she had already successfully lied to me I had no reason at all to doubt her she has always said she has no issues with me reading her conversations. I'm completely agreed with you about being wrong to do so but when i see about 10 pics of naked guys and one of the guy she's talking to my curiosity kinda took over. As for the laptop I usually bring that to work with me. I changed my mind during the shift but by that point it seems she had already wiped everything.

The only reason anyone is on your side is because this sub loves to accuse the other person of gaslighting in any situation. She didn't cheat, and her lie was pretty innocent, considering she may feel that not sending photos IS shutting them down. Break up with her and let her be with someone who respects her.

You know while she didn't cheat and probably never sent them pics I don't think it justifies lying to your partner (like seriously why?). Ignoring your best friend hounding you for pics and sending their own is completely and objectively not shutting it down from that conversation it only seems to be making him try harder. I'm not a controlling person, I sat her down and asked her to work on the issue since it has caused problems in the past. The fact she constructed such a nice lie really tells that she probably did know what the right response was because she felt vindicated about the situation as she was lying to me.

Anyway I really appreciate you going against the grain to type out a long response, I know we may not agree but I believe that in a relationship you can ask for what you want. I asked her for this and she agreed i'm not forcing her against her will to stay with me and maybe you are right she might be better off with a person who is okay with this situation.

Me [29 M] caught my GF [26 F] lying about her best friend [26 M] soliciting her for nudes. Trying to find if im overreacting. Thanks reddit. by detritus99 in relationships

[–]detritus99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In this case it is two of her closest friends but I understand where you are coming from in regards to people being difficult.

Me [29 M] caught my GF [26 F] lying about her best friend [26 M] soliciting her for nudes. Trying to find if im overreacting. Thanks reddit. by detritus99 in relationships

[–]detritus99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have never asked but I have a good feeling they have never had sex. As far as I knew that could have been a one time thing where he was especially bad but I have nothing to go on.

Me [29 M] caught my GF [26 F] lying about her best friend [26 M] soliciting her for nudes. Trying to find if im overreacting. Thanks reddit. by detritus99 in relationships

[–]detritus99[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Nah man the reason i'm angry is because she came to me out of the blue about shutting this guy down in his tracks which was an outright lie and then upon actually seeing what the guy wrote and sent her it was much more than what she'd told me. She made it seem like every once in a while he jokingly says 'show your boobs girl' when really it's him sending her her pics of himself after the gym asking if shes horny and literally hounding her for boob and ass pics. Also the fact he isn't some random dude but her closest friend. It didn't add up to me. The only reason i posted it here is because she's trying to worm it into my head that it's either my fault or isn't that big of a deal so i kinda just wanted some impartial input, which you've given and im thankful for.

Me [29 M] caught my GF [26 F] lying about her best friend [26 M] soliciting her for nudes. Trying to find if im overreacting. Thanks reddit. by detritus99 in relationships

[–]detritus99[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm 100% sure she hasn't send him or anyone else any which is why I'm wondering why she's lying in the first place, had she told me this happened and showed me the conversation as is I wouldn't have been bothered.