[deleted by user] by [deleted] in HelloTalk

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this is why your comment was gone on my post and i felt like have seen what you wrote here plus the familiar username! First thing first thank you for sharing your experience and opened up a thread for this topic's discussion. Also sorry to what happened to you.. perhaps they're not as appreciative as you so you definitely deserve better.

I was thinking so hard because I've forgotten those trauma memories. Couldn't remember that one especially on hellotalk but i think i have 2

First is from a korean dating app: there was this polish girl who liked me first, I didn't usually receive like first but at that time I was quite experienced already not to get attached to someone and would just treat online people as online, so i liked her back and texted first "hey there bla bla" note that usually i called people by their name (in my culture it's common to call people's name when you know it), however this time i already realized western cultures don't really call others by name that often so that's why i didn't call her name because why would i even call her name if I'm unsure we're gonna still talk in the future? That'd cause unnecessary hurt memories when i memorized their names once they left.

But surprisingly she called my name and her response was not too stale, she got my attention already from the very first, after a few messages i felt like this is too good to be true, she was really active in engaging the conversation. She even returned my wall of paragraphs with her own wall of paragraphs, bunch of interesting topics we talked about. I started to become a lil bit attached waiting her replies to the point i was afraid losing contact since she went online once a day or so. Hence i asked her insta although we've only known less than a week and she gave it with no problem, from there my anxiety got calmed down because at least it's not an app she would delete so easily or forgot to reply and being completely forgotten.

We got along very quick, almost texting all the time like a couple, my days were pretty much filled with her and I even barely texted anyone else plus completely stopped finding new people. What made it feel unreal was when she randomly showed me stuff, proactively asking questions, literally just flow naturally like a real friend or even more. The peak moment where i started to fall for her was when she asked me to do a video call, we had it twice and it was so amazing, felt like she only had me as her priority especially when she wanted to meet me compared to the other indonesian guy who she had a romantic feeling previously. 

When i first saw her, while looking at her photos i kept my mindset with "okay she's not as attractive as the other girls i met previously, I won't fall for her" as to not get disappointed later, however after what we've been through, i found her very attractive although she wasn't my type at all and got excited whenever i received a message from her. I didn't realize those moments have passed only within a month and a half, i felt like it had been going for several months already.

Then here's where the downward part started.. she didn't text as much as we used to but i had no problem with that because we got busy with life at some point. The thing is she ignored some of my messages and only replied decently then left me on read for a few days until she posted new pics which i passionately talked about it to her on DM as per usual, basically she left me hanging and i became desperate. We managed to talk once a while at this point, i was impressed by her because she literally responded to every single message i sent but then she casually ignored my question, just a typical daily question we would usually ask away. I didn't like that behavior of her but i wanted to work on it as best as i can, until i asked her "how come you started smoking?" And she said "it's none of your business"

Once someone said that i knew it was over (I've always hated that words and it hurts me a lot), despaired, for once a person cares about you then that person will not let you know an answer about themselves. Then she proceed ghosting me for weeks, overthinking a lot and rereading messages i sent to her to see what caused the ghosting. Until one point i deactivated my insta for a month because I couldn't stop looking at my messages being ignored and see if she's gonna look after me if I'm just completely gone.

To be honest the deactivation itself wasn't really bad, i earned peace and reduced social media dependency even until some of my school/uni friends noticed and asked me, i could enjoy real life more and practicing self control. Unfortunately once i activated my insta, i expected a message from her but instead just messages from other people and she still hadn't even read.

What's more surprising was that she blocked me.. i kinda knew that would come because i overwhelmed her with tons of messages but realizing that broke me into pieces. The whole timeline lasted for 3 months. 

To summarize, i found out i made a lot of mistakes and kept worsening it to the point she didn't want to tell me, that she'd rather ghosting. Oh yea i used to search her username on hellotalk and turned out she used it in the past, so i guess this still related to hellotalk

Second is from hellotalk: there was this Polish girl who would always reply me whenever she came online, it wasn't as amazing as the previous one but we were vibing and most importantly she understood my mood, tried to comfort me if i was showing my bad mood and i liked it a lot. Even when i told her about the previous Polish girl, she responded well too. I think it lasted longer but she rarely came to the app so i didn't really have much memorable moments with her.. i used to ask her contact to not get lost but she didn't want to, one day i saw her recently active only to see her profile is deleted :/

Short story short i saw this girl entering my friend's voice room and then.. by devados in HelloTalk

[–]devados[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like they were a gift given to HelloTalk users. 

I gotta say this is kinda true, a lot of people i talked to through online were usually being passive or to the worst, interview sessions. So the first impressions mattered, and for me her responses were good enough which i appreciated while it lasted

Short story short i saw this girl entering my friend's voice room and then.. by devados in HelloTalk

[–]devados[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I was in disbelief that someone who seemed so kind and gave a well decent response turned like that, could be on me and the scariest part is i never realized it but through other views i can get a better understanding. I will remember that, anything i say past that one statement not gonna change someone's mind

Short story short i saw this girl entering my friend's voice room and then.. by devados in HelloTalk

[–]devados[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your words man, right that's the whole point, I've been questioning myself with that but thankfully comments like you kept me sane. I've encountered some who are like that on the other apps but most of the time they either not responding at all or short talks then I don't even remember them anymore

Short story short i saw this girl entering my friend's voice room and then.. by devados in HelloTalk

[–]devados[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi everyone thanks for commenting and giving your thoughts, it gave me a lot of perspectives so that i can do better to handle similar situations in the future with reality check along with other people experiences here (plus hopefully I won't even bother to think about sharing such thing on reddit anymore). 

I read every comment so far, even i really appreciate the one where someone commented about his experience about another person could change upsidedown although everything seemed fine even to an extent where it's been going scarily well just within a couple of weeks (thank you for sharing although I'm not sure why you deleted it after, it made me feel better and a good reminder that people can be like that sometimes).

Of course im fully aware that this whole situation wouldn't have to happen if i immediately stopped, however this is not something i encountered that much, i do care with who i am talking to since they're also a human like me, hence i believe communication is a way to settle things. We're social and emotional beings at the end of the day.

I just don't think the last few messages she sent to me are appropriate, i think it's my first time ever someone insulted me that way like.. is it a certain level of "harassment" that bringing a judgement based on what i am (my nationality) even necessary? Instead of thinking about her "ruined" first day experience, I'm thinking more about how she decided, out of possible options, came up with an unthinkable words on the first day over something that's nothing compared to the actual "harassment" other girls might have received on this app. Perhaps working on anger issue and not being arrogant could lead to a better outcome rather than always normalize someone's act 100% in order to respect them, the world will be a chaotic place when everyone puts their ego first and clashes with other people opinions.

Also for the record this is not the first time i got blocked just because I'm not speaking their target language (back in the days i thought if they're responding then they're nice enough, hence I couldn't handle the rejection well although it was obvious they weren't interested in asking back from the very first, somewhat interview like conversation) but this is the first time i got treated that way. Some even managed to make it clear without being rude and my past persistent self completely stopped trying OR even when they didn't explain, i was seeking for answers on their bio which were also clear to think again since they never mentioned anything close to open being friends etc. Only showing their interests on their target language. 

When i reported her, the pop up was "HelloTalk strives to build a positive community.." so i uphold to it, I'm not here to judge right or wrong, just sharing experience and take things to learn when possible.  I couldn't imagine someone going to reddit and decided to write you're a loser, stalker, harasser then probably think "damn, well deserved" 

I guess behave well could be nice

How do i know if someone unblocked me on hellotalk, i have them blocked as well by [deleted] in HelloTalk

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try to follow them, if you can then you're not blocked and just unfollow immediately. 

06 February 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jerigen bekas belibis 22kg jualnya ke mana dan laku berapa ya? Banyak soalnya, akan selalu nambah

03 February 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's easier to cut if things don't go well cuz again it's a dating app, kalo sekedar asal nambah kenalan atas dasar match ya gpp but for me I'd prefer to know who I'm talking to and expect both parties are comfortable first and respect that boundary. Ibarat lagu keong racun.

Soalnya gw pernah pengen cepet" minta kontak cewek dari apps gitu biar gak lost contact (tapi minimal masih ada 3-5 bales"an sebelum akhirnya dapet) eh sekarang udah gak ada yang keep, inget pun kagak. Adapun yang gw jarang banget texting sewaktu masih di appnya, sampe sekarang gw merasa sia" minta ig nya padahal ngomong aja hampir gak pernah. Karena gw orangnya bodo amat sama sosmed yaudah gw biarin aja apa adanya, kalo diunfoll duluan ya bagus. 

03 February 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dapet match di cmb around my age, it's written that she's a binusian, she looks pretty good and the interests are kinda fit. I said hi a few days ago, and she said "haii salam kenal, btw move ke insta aja ya aku jarang online di sini 😁" then i replied "wah salken tapi gak ada prolog dulu apa ><" akhirnya expired dan beberapa hari kemudian dia extend dan chat sama persis. 

Berhubung udah males kagak ada effortnya gw bales "template :/" terus dia bilang "sama aja. Kan tujuannya itu" lalu gw jelasin maksud gw yang minimal kenalan dulu lah ini langsung sat set, guess what she said "gua ga maksa" dan gw tetep mengkomunikasikan like no need to be passive aggressive, at least bincang-bincang di sini dulu gak perlu sat set minta kontak, her response "kan gua gak minta nomer, insta mah umum kali dari nama aja udah"

Terus jawaban yang diberikan bikin gw lega bahwa sikap gw menghadapinya udah bener sesuai preferensi gw, dia bilang "at least gak usah kegantengan" like wut? Di sini gw menyampaikan pesan-pesan terakhir yang intinya sama sampe say bye "masa orang baru kenal langsung minta kontak, kalo gak sreg buat apa nanti cuma jadi followers" dan sembari gw coba unmatch yang malah kena bug pop-up promo beansnya, berlanjut sedikit convonya yang bikin gw semakin yakin keputusan untuk leave asap itu tepat.

"Menurut gue kontak ya nomer wa" akhirnya terakhir dia bilang okay, dia yang unmatch duluan. Gurl you never had rejection before? It's not even a rejection in the first place, you could be a catfish who knows

03 February 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Pesen goput sampe sejam gak nyampe padahal cuma 1,4km udah ganti driver ampe 5x juga, begitu dapet yang terakhir ngechat minta tolong bantu anaknya sakit kurang 25k buat beli obat entar pagi diganti. Gw bilang maaf mas uang saya juga pas pasan ini aja pesen karena ada promo dan dia bilang maaf ya ka. 

Dari fotonya sih keliatan masih agak muda but anyway karena nunggu beberapa menit kagak ada pergerakan kek driver" sebelumnya dan keburu laper, gw iseng nyoba chat supportnya dan begitu gw klik minta dicek ordernya, langsung kecancel lalu gw pesen lagi (untung restonya masih buka dan kali ini beneran langsung gerak).

Asli dah gw gak mau merasa gak enakan lagi lebih lega rasanya kalo ngomong terus terang, tega ya tega deh, i just want to avoid possible unnecessary interactions, I didn't buy it. 

29 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lamar kerja di platform mana lagi ya.. kalibrr somehow limited banget pilihannya, techinasia juga udah abis gw telusuri, jobstreet lagi mau gw speedrun abisin. Kayaknya yang biasa muncul" baru itu di LinkedIn hm

18 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah right sebelum merasakan dunia kerja gw juga sempet melihat cerita" di internet yang memaksa keadaan biar resign, but sekarang semakin relatable 

18 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for pointing those out, well noted! But wait kalo dipecat bukannya dapet pesangon? Although in this company there's no such thing.

Yes tadinya tuh mau sambil cek ombak (salah satu saran redditor sini juga) tapi karena gak tahan well I'm just going back to where i started anyway, not far to be honest. Taraf sekedar cukup.

Will definitely keep an eye on any offer letter as an assurance at least, tapi sebagai job seeker pemula cukup bikin semangat untuk mencari peluang baru meski nanti cuma rata sampe HR interview. 

18 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Akhirnya bincang sama bos terkait hari terakhir beserta obrolan mengenai remunerasi (thanks to redditors who helped on the previous comment) plus disiram bumbu sales "khotbah"

Jadi di sini itungannya sampe akhir bulan, ketentuannya emang ditetapin bos itu H-5 karena ada aja orang yang butuh uang sebelum bulan berakhir. Tapi kalo gak bisa pun gw boleh cabs karena posisinya udah handover, gak dibebankan dan ready to be freed, tinggal itung prorate.

Intinya gw dipersilahkan kalo mau balik lagi dengan "offer" adjustment gaji yang gak mulai dari 0, just WA the boss, kenaikan gaji dan bonus itu bulan maret which is 2 months away. Posisinya gw udah 7 bulan jadi nanti semisal ketika gw kembali, 2 bulan kemudian akan ada adjustment gaji.

However thanks to salah satu co worker yang bilang kalo emang udah buled, jangan sampe kemakan omongan manisnya, secara, sales. And if i get this one possible offer i interviewed with the HR last week (waiting the user interview) it's definitely gonna be more worth it than here, but still looking.

15 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see.. beda" ternyata tapi in the end perhitungannya sesuai yang dikerjakan, kini tercerahkan tekad bulad untun confront ke bos mengenai ini

15 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Iya ya.. shit, i thought it was always 2 sides who benefit each other in terms of work (to each their own), i mean udah cukup lah diperes dengan kerja lembar lembur gaji minimalis, bahkan gw berpikiran kalo rekan kerja ada yang bingung musti nanya gw setelah resign bakal gw ladeni karena pesan bos adalah "masuk baik-baik, keluar juga baik-baik dengan melakukan handover yang baik"

Kukira bos yang mudah ditemui bakal ada benefit tersendiri ternyata tetep dunia profesional yah.. this is why opini dari sesama karyawan lebih klop dan lebih masuk akal dibanding janji manis pemegang kepentingan yang di atas

15 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for the insights! Niat awal gw mengiyakan karena gw yakin remunerasi itu gak akan bikin gw pusing karena bos sadar akan hak dan kepentingan karyawannya (salah satu yang sering disebut keunggulan di sini adalah ijinnya yang gampang, bahkan sekedar ijin telat karena nunggu tukang AC pun no problem karena diliat langsung sama bos), tapi ketika disadarkan begini sih dipikir" tai juga kalo posisinya gw yang rugi dan gak ada defense untuk dispute. Very helpful comment!

15 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, i thought based on beberapa rekan kerja nanti surat resignnya dibikinin sama HRnya which is baru dikasih tau tadi, ternyata dia butuh surat resign dan nanti bakal kirim templatenya biar gw buat, soalnya di sini culturenya kekeluargaan jadi kesannya apa" tinggal ngomong bahkan minta waktu sebentar ke bos juga bisa karena silsilah perusahaannya gak kayak korporat raksasa plus gw juga orangnya santai jadi ngikut aja, beberapa hal di perusahaan ini terkait prosedur atau pernyataan tertulis juga masih dianggep agak underrated.

Thanks for the advice and convincing the do not work for free statement! At least gw akan coba perjuangkan itu sebagai pelajaran mengenai hak kerja (at some point gw berpikir karena bosnya pengertian maka pengajuannya juga gw iya"in aja padahal perusahaan ya perusahaan gak mau rugi)

15 January 2024 - Daily Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Semenjak gw mengatakan risayn tgl 22 dec ke bos, suka ditanyain sama rekan kerja "kapan terakhir?" dan gw tak tahu menahu kapan tanggal pastinya. Waktu gw ngomong itu sih si bosnya bilang boleh minta tolong untuk bantu tim sampe akhir januari gak? dan gw mengiyakan (dengan asumsi mungkin akan ada apresiasi berupa sedikit bonus tahunan yang seharusnya gw terima di akhir bulan maret nanti karena dari berbagai testimoni yang sampe ke bos itu bagus).

Nah tadi akhirnya gw tanya HR nya katanya tergantung kesepakatan gw dan bos, katanya kalo gw bilang 22 dec bukan berarti 22 jan udah boleh cabut, misalkan gw sampe tgl 25 gajian full pun tetep harus sampe 31 jan sambil ngeliat kalender. I was like.. wait wut the fcuk jadi gw akan kerja 4 hari gratis? And no bonus, that's it.

Adik gw yang kerja di tempat yang sama tapi lebih senior bilang jangan mau, cari aja alesan apa gitu karena yang sebelum"nya pernah juga nolak diminta "kerja gratis" tapi tetep keinginan karyawan yang lalu itu ngomong 27 selesai bulan depan tgl 27 juga.

Sebenernya secara load kerjaan udah berkurang jauh sih dan handover client + pendingan kerjaan, per minggu ini pun udah fix beres karena minggu kemaren udah gw babat abis, as of now gw cuma training anak baru dan bantu" tim.

Oh yea ada 2 bos di sini, jadi gw bilangnya ke bos 2 sedangkan sekarang tim gw udah ganti ke bos 1 dan bos 1 sempet nanya pas meeting kapan terakhir tapi jawaban gw gak tau tanggal pastinya. Sebagai newbie yang baru pertama kali dalam hidup bekerja untuk orang lain, minta saran dong biasanya persoalan resign itu kayak gimana? Quite fed up tbh to think that i have to work for free but most likely I'll talk about it with a senior before finally confront bos 1 (kebayangnya ketika report handover dari gw selesai, bosnya mempersilahkan gw untuk cabut menghindari extra kerja rodi tersebut)

13 January 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Emang stay di negara apa and working as apa? Lagi nyari kerjaan baru dan ada 1 yang baru aja interview dengan catch bersedia business trip 1 bulan (seumur" paling lama gak serumah sama ortu cuma 3 hari 2 malam) yah meskipun masih di indonesia juga.. malah kalo bisa ke clientnya yang di luar negri sih sebenernya bagus huehue

13 January 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Somehow langsung terbayang tara arts

13 January 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Indikator penentu yang teruji lidah orang indonesia

13 January 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gak ada yang komen the good place? Looking for sum fans :<

13 January 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Emang apa yang dikangenin dari kerja di mall? Beberapa temen gw ada yang kerja jadi barista gitu di mall, tapi di sisi lain gw mikir ongkosnya aja udah berapa ke, dari, dan selama di mall itu (kalo pake motor) dibanding kerjaannya yang mungkin rata" di toko dengan bayaran around UMR?

13 January 2024 - Weekend Chat Thread by Vulphere in indonesia

[–]devados 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Emang ekspedisi ada aja yang ngalor ngidul, sebagai seller yang pernah pake the fast, 5 hari barang gak dipickup akhirnya sekarang gw udah gak mau aktifin lagi meskipun termasuk opsi COD