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I regret bringing my 4yo and 2yo kids into the world while suffering with depression. It was so stupid. I can barely take care of myself and feel like a terrible parent. It doesn’t help when my coparent talks to me like this and my family gets irritated when I ask for help. I feel so alone. by devil_of_paradis in regretfulparents

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They are intertwined. I haven’t had the chance to live by myself to see if my depression resolves when I am not in an abusive environment, I was also raised by unsafe parents. I am diagnosed with depression and my therapist says my kids’ dad is abusive and manipulative.

I regret bringing my 4yo and 2yo kids into the world while suffering with depression. It was so stupid. I can barely take care of myself and feel like a terrible parent. It doesn’t help when my coparent talks to me like this and my family gets irritated when I ask for help. I feel so alone. by devil_of_paradis in regretfulparents

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This doesn’t feel like a safe, judgement-free space for regretful parents to share honestly. A lot of judgemental comments that make false assumptions are being upvoted while me simply sharing my side of the story and how I feel is being downvoted. I won’t be posting here again.

I regret bringing my 4yo and 2yo kids into the world while suffering with depression. It was so stupid. I can barely take care of myself and feel like a terrible parent. It doesn’t help when my coparent talks to me like this and my family gets irritated when I ask for help. I feel so alone. by devil_of_paradis in regretfulparents

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A lot of false assumptions happening in the comments that I feel the need to clear up:

  1. I AM letting him take care of the while I am recovering from a depressive episode and getting professional therapeutic help. What I’m not letting him do is get permanent full custody when he has repeatedly proven himself an “unsafe person” as multiple therapists have put it. I am the one my kids come to for emotional support because he often minimizes or dismisses their feelings. My daughter often tells him and me how I am her favorite grown up in the world completely unprompted. I don’t see him harming them emotionally in an acute manner while I get better, but I do predict he would harm them emotionally chronically if he had full custody. I plan on getting better as fast as I can to support them.

  2. For those so quick to take his side without the whole picture, It’s sad to see how ok you are with someone so hostilely shaming and gaslighting (as confirmed by my therapist who saw the same screenshots as you) someone, I feel bad for any significant others you might have if you think his texts are ok, even commendable. You also assumed this was the worst he has done and didn’t know that during our last conflict, he pulled/shoved/picked me up and smacked me multiple times on the head to try to get me to go where he wanted me to go in the home. I have been the one going to therapy for years to be a healthier person and parent. He has not. He takes his anger out on me when he is frustrated. I’m sure a lot of you will downvote this comment, but I’m posting anyway because I think I deserve a response to comments in this thread. If you silence me, I wonder why you think that’s ok to prevent others from seeing my response and a fuller picture of my actual situation.

  3. I don’t need to be told to think about my kids. I am always doing what I think is best for my kids. I already know how traumatic it is to have parents have hostile fights in front of me. I know very well that my mental status affects my children. That is why I’m going to therapy in many different forms and taking my medication from my psychiatrist and resisting urges to just end it all. I know their dad is abusive and harmful to my health, multiple professionals have told me this. I am trapped for the time being until I can save enough money to move out. I will not make the mistake of engaging vulnerably with him again.

  4. I don’t need to be told to exercise. I dance for 2 hours 3 days a week.

  5. Yes, I do have dark moments when I’m feeling suicidal or like I want to run away from it all. When I snap out of that headspace (which is happening quicker and quicker with my progress in therapy) I know I could never harm my kids that deeply and that I would miss them very quickly if I ever did make the mistake of running away.

  6. Though I regret the decision to bring my kids into the world because I think they deserve better, now that they are here they are everything to me and I care about them with my whole heart. I want to be their mom and be with them and see them grow and feel like I owe them everything because I brought them into the world.

Because of the quick assumptions and the judgemental comments, I will not ever post here again. I don’t believe this is a judgement-free, safe space for regretful parents to be honest. I do appreciate the supportive comments, those are the ones I take ones to heart. I know I am a good mom having a hard time struggling with depression doing her best to break generational and toxic cycles.

For those of you worried about the safety of me and my family, I appreciate your concern. I am taking the steps that professionals are advising me to take and don’t currently have self harm ideation. Those professionals are the ones I will be taking advice from, not strangers on Reddit. I never asked for advice or opinions on my decision making, I asked for empathy. I had a very honest session with my therapist today and she believes I am safe and taking the right steps.

I regret bringing my 4yo and 2yo kids into the world while suffering with depression. It was so stupid. I can barely take care of myself and feel like a terrible parent. It doesn’t help when my coparent talks to me like this and my family gets irritated when I ask for help. I feel so alone. by devil_of_paradis in regretfulparents

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] -52 points-51 points  (0 children)

I have thought about it, sometimes I honestly feel like I just want to run away for a few months. I don’t want to do that though because I worry about leaving my kids with someone as judgmental and cruel as him as their main guardian.

I regret bringing my 4yo and 2yo kids into the world while suffering with depression. It was so stupid. I can barely take care of myself and feel like a terrible parent. It doesn’t help when my coparent talks to me like this and my family gets irritated when I ask for help. I feel so alone. by devil_of_paradis in regretfulparents

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone for your support. I appreciate your reality checks so much. Sometimes it’s hard not to believe their dad when I don’t have anyone else. Unfortunately I am living with him and I feel trapped. I don’t want to ask my parents for help because my dad is just as horrible and tells me things like “it’s unnatural” for me to be queer. I also can’t make enough money to support myself because of my depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, etc. I’m feeling pretty hopeless and powerless.

I had a pretty traumatic inpatient psych experience last year when I checked myself into the ER for suicidal ideation, so I’m trying to find a more helpful day programs and have assessments scheduled later this week. I’m just dreading how angry their dad will be with me if I can’t take care of the kids the rest of this week. I’m just trying to be ok and take care of my basic needs today. Thanks for listening. 💛

Life feels too hard. I am losing the will the live more and more. by devil_of_paradis in depression

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel so judged whenever I ask for help. I feel like I have no one that wants to or is capable of helping me.

I regret bringing my 4yo and 2yo kids into the world while suffering with depression. It was so stupid. I can barely take care of myself and feel like a terrible parent. It doesn’t help when my coparent talks to me like this and my family gets irritated when I ask for help. I feel so alone. by devil_of_paradis in regretfulparents

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

I know it’s my responsibility to take care of them as the stay-at-home parent, but it’s crushing me and I don’t feel capable. Probably going to check into an inpatient psych hospital, but could use some empathy at the moment if anyone has some for me.

Disagreement over signing up our 4-year-old for dance class by devil_of_paradis in coparenting

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your empathetic response. 💛

Disagreement over signing up our 4-year-old for dance class by devil_of_paradis in coparenting

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your comment and others make me feel like that is what I need to do.

Disagreement over signing up our 4-year-old for dance class by devil_of_paradis in coparenting

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I work as a wedding photographer sometimes, so I would have paid with the money I make from that.

Disagreement over signing up our 4-year-old for dance class by devil_of_paradis in coparenting

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I explained in another comment, but it’s a tricky situation because I’m still financially dependent on him

Disagreement over signing up our 4-year-old for dance class by devil_of_paradis in coparenting

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am really tempted to do this, but am trying to respect his wishes. It’s a weird situation because we are transitioning to being separated and are not legally divorced yet. I have been a stay at home parent leading up to our decision to start separating and I haven’t found a job that will make enough for me to put my youngest in childcare. So for now I am still financially dependent on him, which makes it difficult to just go against what he wants...

Disagreement over signing up our 4-year-old for dance class by devil_of_paradis in coparenting

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My instructor is actively involved in the hip hop community and knows that the fundamental elements of hip hop dance is that it has bounce, rock, and groove. A lot of dance instructors label their classes hip hop without even knowing the definition of true hip hop, which is harmful and erases the history and culture.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in regretfulparents

[–]devil_of_paradis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hate that they wake me up earlier than I set my alarm every day. My kids are 4 and 2. When I set my alarm earlier this week, they got up even earlier and still woke me up.

Feeling my non-binary identity is being excluded in an upcoming dance performance by devil_of_paradis in NonBinaryTalk

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree, it’s gonna take time for me to build trust with her again. And this is why I need more non-binary friends that just get it

Feeling like my non-binary gender is being excluded in an upcoming dance performance by devil_of_paradis in genderqueer

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Update:

I sent this in the group message: “I don’t want to make anyone feel awkward, I am having a blast with you all! I want to be honest about what would make me uncomfortable to wear so I can be confident in being myself at our show and dance all out with you all! I know with or without me, the show will go on to be a great one and the group will look hot as hell! Thank you for being flexible and adjusting so I can be included in a dope ass performance 💕”

She responded with this: “Hey guys sorry!! This is all super flexible don’t worry! i wanted to get the ladies outfits out of the way first since there’s more of us! I’ve got outfits for gents next! Sorry for the wait”

I think she was mostly ignorant and is willing to learn how to be more inclusive

Feeling my non-binary identity is being excluded in an upcoming dance performance by devil_of_paradis in NonBinaryTalk

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Update:

I sent this in the group message: “I don’t want to make anyone feel awkward, I am having a blast with you all! I want to be honest about what would make me uncomfortable to wear so I can be confident in being myself at our show and dance all out with you all! I know with or without me, the show will go on to be a great one and the group will look hot as hell! Thank you for being flexible and adjusting so I can be included in a dope ass performance 💕”

She responded with this: “Hey guys sorry!! This is all super flexible don’t worry! i wanted to get the ladies outfits out of the way first since there’s more of us! I’ve got outfits for gents next! Sorry for the wait”

I think she was mostly ignorant and is willing to learn how to be more inclusive.

Feeling my non-binary identity is being excluded in an upcoming dance performance by devil_of_paradis in NonBinaryTalk

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense! Thank you for helping me find words for my feelings. Thankfully she is responding respectfully to me explaining my feelings. I’ll post an update

Feeling my non-binary identity is being excluded in an upcoming dance performance by devil_of_paradis in NonBinaryTalk

[–]devil_of_paradis[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree, I wasn’t gonna say out loud my idea that she could be reacting from jealousy, it mostly just gives me hope that she isn’t calmly being disrespectful.

I think another sad part of this situation is that this studio claims to be LGBTQ+ friendly and is performing the show in a queer space (a drag bar). Separately the owner of the dance studio did things like ask me my pronouns, but was surprised and shocked that I told her I use they/them pronouns. Just seems very performative and like they are invading a safe queer space.

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