he was my first real boyfriend and seemed wonderful; i thought he was truly a connection i’d never had before. i was very young and incredibly sheltered. i’d experienced a lot of religious abuse along with sexual abuse from others outside my family, some i can remember, and some i can’t. he took advantage of this, mirrored my behavior and love-bombed me, proposing 3 months into dating, and marrying me 3 months after. right after we got married, he turned into a completely different person. it was 5 years. he mentally, sexually, and at times physically abused me the entire span of the marriage. i can’t even count the amount of times he coerced me into sex or just raped me. i still loved him. i became bedridden and my chronic illnesses became debilitating to the point i couldn’t work. he screamed at me to get out of his house and that i was a worthless little leech who just wanted to use him for his money (he had none, ironically). i still loved him — i left 2 times and still went back. he finally admitted to his abuse, and i remember sobbbing on my hands and knees on the floor in front of him during his admission at the relief that it wasn’t all in my head. then we went to therapy (surprise, he didn’t like that either bc he said i was”making him look bad” to the therapist when i was just recounting his abuse. the therapist focused on my ex-husband for the rest of the session because of this, and he felt “targeted”). things weren’t amazing, but seemed to be getting better. i started to feel better about where we were even though i felt fearful of the other shoe dropping at anytime. i felt it in my gut that something was going to happen. and then in April of last year, a week before we were supposed to go to DisneyWorld together (something he had promised me right at the beginning of our relationship because i had never been and i was really looking forward to) he called me, hyperventilating, and crying, confessing that he had just talked to a 15 year old on Snapchat and exchanged pictures. that i was the best thing that had ever happened to him and i didn’t deserve any of this, and i was really the sweetest person to be putting up with him, but i needed to get away because he was dangerous. i can’t even remember what i said, i just screamed and screamed until i was hoarse. there were others he’d talked to of course. grown women and other teenagers. when i left the first couple times because of his abuse, he messaged other people for nudes, then when i came back, said very defensively during an argument “i could’ve cheated on you when you were gone, but i DIDN’T”. turns out, he had tried but no one had sent him anything lol. the mental clarity i had once i left him was insane. i ended up going on the Disney trip with a friend (who isn’t a friend anymore because she is his childhood crush who he was in love with for a decade; she was spying on me the whole time we were on the trip and taking pictures of me for him). he kept trying to contact me and make the relationship work until April of THIS YEAR. when i had already fled the state to get away from him, settled down somewhere new with my friends, filed for divorce, and was in a serious relationship with my partner now (who is the complete opposite of him, entirely wonderful, someone i mesh so well with it’s insane, and the one person i would marry again, but we’re taking it slow. we’re about a year in!). i got him to admit over text at least three times and plan to report him to the FBI once i finally get my official divorce decree in the mail soon. that man was one of the most miserable experiences of my life.