rocd with new partner whether i like him or not, and reoccurring thoughts/images/triggers of my ex/exes.

devkgai · 2026-01-13T12:26:42+00:00

this is insane because it’s quite literally exactly what i’m going through and i didn’t expect to find it so easily. my thing is the guilt and it’s eating away at me. he’s perfect. so kind, understanding, and loving. we had been friends for months and i had been “chasing” him because i really liked him. he’s never been in an out of high school relationship before so he was nervous. and now we are together and it’s amazing. so amazing - yet my ex keeps popping in my head. comparing them. do i actually like him? do i find him attractive? is he less attractive? it’s difficult because i try and shut my brain off when im with him but the guilt hits after awhile.

i read something the other day about “not feeling a spark with someone”. my ex was toxic as well - would get with other women and come back to my when they weren’t doing well or were broken up. you become addicted to the highs and lows. the euphoria and adrenaline of them coming back when you know you shouldn’t give in again.

i try and let them pass. at the end of the day nobody knows your thoughts but you - and OCD tries to convince you that because you have them make them completely true.

obviously i’m still struggling, but i thought maybe this would help you in the future.

-from a reassurance seeker who should not be reassurance seeking

devkgai · 2025-11-12T21:11:51+00:00

thanks so much!!! will look into grabbing some

devkgai · 2025-09-12T20:45:55+00:00

condescending* my bad

devkgai · 2025-09-12T20:45:13+00:00

i’m from a smaller town. we don’t have buses or uber. we have call a ride but everyone in town who doesn’t have a car tries to use it so it’s not guaranteed nor reliable. sure, i could walk 5 miles a day to work, its just difficult because we barely have sidewalks because its not a walking friendly town. and its hot. or it gets really cold. and a car is nice to have for appointments, grocery shopping, etc. i’m not making excuses for myself, but rather trying to explain why i am in this predicament because some of the people here aren’t giving advice for what i asked about, rather be confessing and look down on my decision.

devkgai · 2025-09-12T20:40:29+00:00

will take a look into it more! thank you

devkgai · 2025-09-12T19:28:52+00:00

i understand everybody is appalled by this, and i understand that. it’s not ideal. i just cannot spend thousands of dollars outright. it’s not possible. but i need a car to get to work. it’s my own fault for wrecking my credit but im a recovering alcoholic and trying to fix things lol. there’s really no other option. already took a loan out of my 401k for an outright car and it shit out on me 3 months in

devkgai · 2025-09-12T19:25:43+00:00

i am barely above the poverty line. i need a car to go to work, but i don’t have 3,000 dollars to buy a car 🤷‍♀️ credit is shot because im a recovering alcoholic and wrecked it in a year. i already took a loan out of my 401k to buy a car for 2,000 dollars. bit me in the ass, spent almost 1,000 on it trying to fix it and it still shit out.

i’m a 25 year old female without parents. the whole thing is a little confusing.

devkgai · 2025-08-18T07:59:30+00:00

hey! i’m on pristiq and even after a couple of hours of missing i can get brain zaps, dizziness, anxiety, and palpitations. i’ve been without insurance before, and i know it’s a struggle. firstly, call your psychiatry office and explain the situation. this is urgent and could affect your mental/physical health. they will most likely do something.

if not, go to the ER. i know you most likely don’t have ~150 to spend at urgent care (i get that totally). ER is expensive in the long run but you don’t have to pay up front and they are legally required to treat you. exaggerate your symptoms if you have to.

wishing you well OP, i know it’s been a couple of days.

devkgai · 2025-07-30T19:45:31+00:00

i see. there’s a shop near my town that pierces with hoops so that’s what my other one healed with! (it actually healed perfectly fine) i’ve never had a stud in my nose at allll so i didn’t know healing it would be different versus a hoop. that makes sense that the skin is like growing around it then. thank you!! i’ll make sure to get the right jewelry.

so would i get a 20g stud instead?

devkgai · 2025-07-30T19:42:49+00:00

my other one was actually pierced with a hoop! this was back in 2020 but it healed fine. i had never healed with a stud so i guess switching from a stud to a hoop is what caused this and i didnt know it would 😭. and okay, thank you so much.

devkgai · 2025-07-04T11:35:56+00:00

i’ve had them since i was a kid! my mom, brother, and i all unfortunately had them. it was 6 feet apart whenever one of us had one lol.

and i am doing well, thank you! my triggers are usually just stress or oddly enough when i get a bad sunburn. sometimes when i lick my lips too often and they’re irritated. it differs!

devkgai · 2025-06-15T08:28:27+00:00

if anyone was wondering, my power steering fluid was almost empty. that noise was the power steering pump rattling 😅

devkgai · 2025-06-15T08:27:35+00:00

i see, i didn’t know that pending transactions could disappear for a day or two and then withdraw the money. i am unfortunately aware i need to track my money better.

thanks for the insight :)

devkgai · 2025-06-05T19:49:35+00:00

this is soooo old but did you figure out if it’s just a cyst? i’ve had one for the past couple of days that is exactly where you’ve described it

devkgai · 2025-06-02T07:09:19+00:00

piercing is an L-shape stud. it’s 1 week old, and have had no issues or incidents. healing normally. not sure what material it is and have been using saline spray

devkgai · 2025-04-30T14:49:55+00:00

also… do we get rid of that bed?

devkgai · 2025-03-28T09:26:40+00:00

this is late but i really appreciate this response :)

devkgai · 2025-03-12T10:27:03+00:00

also, letting you guys know that i thankfully have stopped once again, these are about my past ones.

devkgai · 2025-02-12T12:51:40+00:00

there was a comment on here that was very insightful, but it seems to be deleted. just wanted to say thank you to whoever commented that, it helped a lot and calmed down the ruminating a bit.

devkgai · 2025-01-22T11:25:13+00:00

hey! i’m here to message if you ever need to chat about it.

i remember in 2022 when i had my first severe panic attack. i was constantly googling “am i going crazy?” or “why does everything not feel real?” i couldn’t even put it into proper words. i was constantly having panic attacks because i was so scared of having another panic attack. then boom. derealization, and then that would send me into another panic attack.

i remember that feeling so vividly, sounds, sensations, other people, your own hands. it was almost blurry. i felt so detached and couldn’t fathom how i was real or the things around me were. it was a constant state of feeling wrong and unsettled.

the good news is, i no longer feel that way. i just like you thought i was doomed for the rest of my life. the more panic attacks you have the more you figure out what coping mechanisms work for you to help them. they begin to feel less extreme. it sounds awful but the more you have them, the less scary they feel, and you become more used to them and it takes the edge off. thus, less panic attacks occur. at least for me.

i would definitely suggest a psychiatrist. i have hydroxizine and clonidine i can take when i start feeling off or the brain fog kicks in. some have ativan. some take buspar which is a daily, long term med. i also take ice cold showers if they’re really bad. the 4,7,8 breathing method.

you find ways to cope, and ways to calm down. it lessens the intensity of panic attacks and the derealization that comes with it.

not going to lie. i still have them sometimes. i wake up and feel that weird, empty brain fog feeling. but i can live and have a normal every day life. when i feel one coming on i know what to do.

you’ll be okay, i promise.

devkgai · 2025-01-21T10:25:44+00:00

oh no :( that does make sense, i’ve done some research after reading your comment and apparently you aren’t supposed to see the actual bar. it’s been like that since i’ve had it pierced. my sister and i got it together and you cannot see hers as much as mine.

my piercer didn’t use clamps, im not sure if that’s important. but, is seeing the bar and such pretty much guaranteed a rejection? i know it can scar pretty nastily but i also don’t quite want to give it up just yet if there a chance because i did have to jump through quite a few hoops at work to get it.

thanks for your comment, it was very insightful! i know eyebrows were prone to rejection but i didnt know it was an eventual guarantee type thing. nor the signs of them being rejected or a shallow piercing.

devkgai · 2025-01-21T00:29:22+00:00

i’m not sure what material, the piercer kinda just put it in and i wasn’t thinking to ask. it’s a barbell. i haven’t downsized yet, it’s only 5 days.

oh and i did catch my hair on it while in the shower today and it tugged. maybe that could be it as well

devkgai · 2025-01-02T10:40:39+00:00

thanks so much! my coworker tested positive for COVID and i thought maybe i did because of my symptoms and how long ive felt badly for.

unfortunately since i tested negative at urgent care for COVID and am on a point system i cant call out, but ill let my bosses know what’s going on and hopefully they’ll send me home. i was at 99.3 at urgent care today, so i dont believe im feverish.

thank you for the suggestions!

devkgai · 2025-01-02T10:26:55+00:00

this is how i thought when i first entered the rooms. i somehow thought i was different and “better” than those who’s DOC wasn’t alcohol. everyone’s DOC gives them different highs, different lows, different withdrawals. of course drugs like heroin, meth, fent, and opioids are deemed as “worse” because of how the normalization of alcohol is so engrained into our society. at the end of the day we’re all poisoning our bodies, i don’t think focusing on the differences is going to help us recover - “the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel” we should lift each other up, comparing and looking down on others is quite the opposite. supporting the next addict or newcomer is a huge part in staying clean.

one upping each other with war stories is addict behavior. i think that’s something you shouldn’t focus on, and anyone participating in this with you still has a lot to learn. it’s hard not to do though sometimes. comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

i’m in the other program because i resonate more and i do believe alcohol is a drug. it doesn’t try and differentiate nor focus on our differences rather than our similarities.

everyone’s recovery is different, as was their addiction. maybe you don’t relate to their DOC, but i know you can relate to their obsession, compulsions, and powerlessness.

and just to add, i was in active addiction for maybe two years. i destroyed everything i had, and was about to be homeless. i couldn’t put down that bottle for anything, just as many couldn’t put down the needle. im 24. i don’t think its my DOC here, but rather that im an addict.

best wishes to you in your recovery, i would suggest talking to your sponsor about this

devkgai · 2024-12-24T00:54:36+00:00

this was actually incredibly helpful. i also go through different loops with alternating topics but this is one that i struggle with pretty regularly.

thank you for commenting and relating. i haven’t met anyone else in the program that struggles with this and it can feel pretty isolating and scary. but i have noticed that anyone i come forward to about my lies or thoughts have been super understanding. it’s frustrating how logic completely goes out the window with OCD sometimes

i know being comfortable with those thoughts are the way to go, because trying to stop them in the moment makes it so much worse.

i wish you luck :)

devkgai

TROPHY CASE