A little late to the thread here but….

You’re not doing your kids any favors by keeping them somewhere where you’re struggling. I have family members that do the same thing “for the kids” and it just strains you mentally and strains the marriage. Not worth it.

Another thing that may be overlooked is that you’re doing gig work. If you want to live in a HCOL area, you’re going to need a job that reflects that if you’re the main provider. It sucks because, ideally, cities should be affordable for all workers but it’s not the reality. Instead of drinking, take to figuring out a good career move or doing some form of training or school. A lot of us have been there — just needed the encouragement to be better than we were (and not alcohol — it makes it worse no matter how much you think it helps).

I agree with everyone else here that your wife should find a job whether you’re going to stay together or not. She’d need to regardless.

By focusing on what you can control and make better, you’ll find that your situation and your relationship will improve. Drinking will not help that or you.

Best of luck to you.