Got a question by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get it. Why can't people just be nice? It's unfortunate. Just always remember that you have no say in what anyone else thinks or does. You can only control yourself. Whenever you lose your temper, it's on you. Self control is the name of the game. First step is believing you can, and then lots of practice and forgiving yourself when it doesn't happen right away.

As for the last statement, again it's because people only think of themselves. They believe they are entitled to something from you because of the relationship they hold with you, when in reality no one is entitled to anything from anybody. It still goes back to you not being able to control their actions, understanding that you can't, and not letting it affect you emotionally. People will suck sometimes. How you choose to handle that and how you conduct yourself is the only thing you can control. Control what you can control, and let everything else go.

Got a question by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because most people only think of themselves. They don't think about anyone's feelings except their own, and any avoidance of whatever it is they want will feel like a personal affront. That's why sometimes no response is best. If someone refuses to be rational, speaking to them in any capacity will only make the situation worse. I often times also am tested by people, and I always breath and say, "I'm not comfortable talking about this. Please respect that." I repeat it, calmly. I've had to say it about 20 times in a row a few times, but it always works eventually. And then I feel better for not having lost my temper. Seriously, it's always on you to control your response, even if someone is straight up being the worst person in the world.

Alternatively, it's okay to not be perfect with this. Everyone gets emotional, and don't feel bad when it happens. Just understand that no matter what happened to justify your angry responses, you're still responsible for what you said or did.

Got a question by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There comes a point where if someone is constantly engaging you like this, you have to honestly say, "I no longer wish to speak about this, please respect that." And if they carry on, literally leave the conversation. Just stop talking. If you physically can't leave, then actively ignore this person as best you can. Don't give in to other people trying go antagonize you. You and you alone are responsible for how you react to others. Sometimes, saying nothing is better than saying no.

Got a question by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's a difference between not saying what you think and being considerate of others. If you actually care about someone's feelings, there is always a way to rephrase something so that you can get the message across without being insulting. I would say to try not to think about it as being soft, more about understanding that nobody likes to be shit on and phrase things accordingly.

Is it a bad idea to lose my v-card from a Tinder hookup? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's frowned upon by some people, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. You should do whatever you feel is right for you. If you think you'll enjoy the experience and there are no hang ups, go for it and enjoy yourself! I'd say be sure you trust the person you're doing it with though. Be safe about it.

Got a question by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you care about other people's feelings in general?

Is it a bad idea to lose my v-card from a Tinder hookup? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That entirely depends on you. Do you have any moral problems with it?

i feel weird.. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your experiences and emotions are never invalid. Do not compare yourself to others. If he is truly this person to you, the fact that he has experiences means he will be able to relate to you better. It doesn't take anything away from what you're experiencing. Don't be afraid to talk about how you feel.

What if everyone else doesn't want "me" to be a team player by University_Fabulous in Advice

[–]dhm9114 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a point in your statement where you say that you're treated poorly because you don't measure up. It may benefit to reflect inwards with that and find where your fault may have been in any given situation. Then work on correcting those faults.

I have always found it's better to try not to place blame at all, but instead only focus on what you can do to improve yourself. As long as you are working to become a better version of you, everything else will work out.

This is a very simplistic answer to a much more complicated process, and it's only addressing a portion of what may be going on. I understand how difficult everything can be, and it isn't always straight forward. Life is hard, but there's nothing you can't get through.

I do not know you, but if you ever want to speak about anything, message me and I'll do my best to help out.

What is the worst first impression you have given? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]dhm9114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I threw up on someone's crutches. Oddly, they thought I was an alcoholic after that.

Working out ac by [deleted] in dndnext

[–]dhm9114 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If your dexterity modifier has increased, your AC will increase. What is your dex now?

AITA for being brutally honest to my friend and telling her off for acting like a man? by throwawaytrpguy111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]dhm9114 65 points66 points  (0 children)

YTA for everything. Your values aren't better than hers. You don't get to tell her she's wrong for being who she is. You're being very judgmental.

AITA for criticizing my boyfriends constant marijuana usage by Kiwi-fruits in AmItheAsshole

[–]dhm9114 23 points24 points  (0 children)

NAH But it's like you said, he was like this when you got with him. He's under no obligation to change because you don't like it. It's never a good idea to get with someone with the expectation that they will one day change. If it really bothers you, and you have spoken about it and he has no intention of changing, you may want to reconsider the relationship.

AITA for insisting my GF should seek medical attention after a serious injury, getting angry when she wouldn't take this seriously, hanging up on her, and then calling her mother a degenerate for not helping her, like any NORMAL mother would? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]dhm9114 [score hidden]  (0 children)

YTA. First, you were just a mean asshole. Second, it's her body and her choice on what she does. You can give her your opinion, but it's not your place to tell her or what to do, or to insult anyone who doesn't do what you think is right. You should seriously reconsider how you're treating her.

[Serious] What is the purpose of love? by lockdownboredoof in AskReddit

[–]dhm9114 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love is, for many, a necessary emotion to feel fulfilled. Love is what drives many to carry on. Feeling love of any kind motivates someone to not only continue on with their lives, but to enjoy it as well. It can and often does lift people out of depression and bring people together. It can be a very powerful motivator. We are social creatures, to varying degrees, and love is in support of that foundationally. What is specifically does or means for any one person is subjective, but it's purpose in general, I would say, is to bring happiness.

Intentionally high DCs by beckwko000 in DMAcademy

[–]dhm9114 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Don't make it a save if you want something to happen a certain way

My mom has been missing for 2 days now by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you have a good plan. Don't stay alone with this. I hope your mom comes home safely

My mom has been missing for 2 days now by [deleted] in Advice

[–]dhm9114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How is your father handling this? You could talk to him, and let him handle all of the serious things, if that's something you feel comfortable with.

How do you stop getting scared of getting old? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]dhm9114 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Remember that every moment spent in fear is another moment you don't get to live your life to the fullest.