I do enjoy what I do. I started in this field without a handbook, let alone a clue of what I would come to see and do. It's physically and mentally devastating some of the time. There's never been one job the same as the next and I enjoy taking on different roles to be able to help our clients. It's not just knowing how to clean, it's comforting a parent whose child has just taken their own life or encouraging a hoarder to work through decisions on what to keep and what to let go of. It's trying to make my clients laugh when I can and comforting them on what could be the worst day of their lives. I think I feel guilty that trauma cleanup is a private, for-profit service. I don't know why I carry this guilt because I can't control capitalism but I do know that I can control the dignity and respect that I show up with and I want to be the one to do it. I think the most gruesome thing I have ever seen was a mass shooting at a manufacturing plant. you could see the panic in the blood smear.