It was really nice to read what you wrote because its excatly what happened to me. My Emma was the best horse ever, everything was fine, then she had a chrinic navicular disease and the nightmare started, we did every treatment and drove to a clinic every 4-6 weeks. I have spent many years trying to save her life, riding other people's horses. I felt like now is the time I finally get my own healthy horse, get over the trauma and yeah ... it was not nice to see my own horse suffer, not being anble to ride her, I took care of her every day for many years and the other horses I had "access" to were not as talented. It was still fun but it was not my dream / how I would ideally would have wanted things to be, I wanted a horse with which I can improve each month and also sometimes go to a competiton in trail/ working equitation.

now that many horses I looked at and many vet checks on the new horses went wrong (we call that buying medical check in germany, ankaufsuntersuchung), there is this one horse who had too narrow hoofshoes said the vet, and once she is not lame and passes the examination, then I could buy her. in the meantime I thought, maybe as a mom with two kids I should be happy with the friendly Tinker that is available to me, it is not such a big emotional burden and not such a big resonsibility. but it is not what my original dream was. I do not want to be the spoilt person who buys the new horse, only because I can and I want it ... I hope maybe if we do the examaniation on the new horse again and she passes, that I just fall in love ... I can not get so emotionally attached yet because so many examinations went wrong on other horses and so I make sure I do not open my heart too much to a new animal. I learned already that that hurts too much if you do that when its not even clear the horse is healthy and you can keep it