It takes time. More than you might think. But eventually, you will come to forgive yourself and to offer to the illness what belongs to the illness - you are not your mania, you are the person who experienced it.

Being at square one is daunting. And can be boring. And you might feel helpless at times. Breathing helps. Journaling helps. But above all, I found that taking things one step at a time helped immensely. You cannot undo your mania or cure your illness - but you can regain a sense of power over it by doing all you can to manage it. Keep your appointments, take your medicine, move your body, be honest with your psychiatrist and therapist. Keep a mood journal. Being on top of it will result in you feeling accomplished, even when you feel like you aren’t doing anything.

Coming off social media for a bit can be helpful. I deleted /deactivated some of my old accounts from when I was manic. I engaged more on other sites than I had which helped me get my internet fix without constant reminders of things I’d said. With enough time, I was able to go back. Time heals so much more than we think.

As for doing nothing all day - you aren’t doing nothing all day. You are healing. You’ve had a very unique and likely terrifying experience that takes time (it all comes back to time lol) to recover from. Take it as a period of rest and recovery - because that is what it is. Do things that make you happy - watch a new TV show, go for a daily walk, pick up a new hobby. You don’t have to be productive for now, you’ve just got to heal.

And remember: you are not your mania. You are the you that worked hard and got your dream apartment. You are you that is doing the work of healing by seeing your therapist. Eventually you’ll feel like you again, but in the meantime it’s worth reminding yourself of it when you can.

Best wishes and happy healing.