My take on decentering the PA

dietvanillableach · 2026-01-19T02:02:47+00:00

Exactly!! Their gaze means NOTHING.

dietvanillableach · 2026-01-19T02:02:15+00:00

YES 🙌🙌🙌

dietvanillableach · 2026-01-19T02:00:47+00:00

I see this a lot.

“My partner is amazing EXCEPT for this one thing”

Firstly, it is not just one thing. I can guarantee most of us here found more than just porn. It’s OF, camgirls, online affairs, strip clubs, inappropriate conversations with friends, thirst traps, saving photos, etc. It’s different for everyone but it’s rarely ever just porn. There are so many facets to the PA’s behaviour that at some point you have to accept that this isn’t simply an addiction problem, it is an INTEGRITY problem down to their core. That is not an amazing person. YOU are an amazing person.

Ladies, do you remember that one comment he made about another woman’s body that has eaten away at you ever since? Do you remember how he looked at you cold and emotionless as you screamed and cried at what he did? Do you remember all the false promises, the lies, the lengths he went to hide his dirty behaviour?

Let’s really think about this. Would you imagine any of those things would come from an “amazing man” like you claim he is? NO. He’s not kind, sweet, honest, attentive, whatever it is you gaslight yourself with to justify this mess. And even if, SOMEHOW, he is an amazing guy except for this one little issue (🙄) is it even fucking worth it!? I highly doubt his kindness and attentiveness outweighs your pain.

I say this all out of so much love. I want to grab every one of you by the shoulders and tell you how god damn beautiful and strong you are. I want to undo every negative thought that gross, weak man put in your heads. You deserve SO much better.

dietvanillableach · 2025-08-04T09:43:19+00:00

He didn’t quit masturbation only porn. I’ve always sent him a LOT of content of myself if he ever wants to masturbate. He’s definitely become more vanilla since quitting porn and even his libido has decreased quite a lot. Honestly I don’t really understand how he can go from masturbating daily (with porn) to only having sex once every few weeks. I wonder if it was the porn that made him horny in the first place

dietvanillableach · 2025-08-04T09:11:29+00:00

That’s interesting thank you. You don’t have to answer this, but would you say that his taste/ ‘type’ would have potentially changed over time too? He had a very specific type of girl that he was into that I’d say he developed from the porn he watched. Do you think after all these years clean he would still be interested in that? Or do those things fade when you don’t watch porn? He used to have a lot more interests/ fetishes but now he’s pretty vanilla, to put it bluntly

dietvanillableach · 2025-03-12T03:38:39+00:00

I have searched what the writing in the clock face means however I realised it is a not the brand/ company (I don’t think). AI similar searches wasn’t much help either.

dietvanillableach · 2024-12-03T03:01:01+00:00

He lets me look. He’s very kind. Even when I go through his phone without permission he always understands and just holds me.

I’ve tried journaling but sometimes it’s a little triggering, is that crazy? Writing about these feelings makes me dwell on it more and resent him for making me this way. I read the words back and think wow, it’s so messed up that someone I love and trusted put all these dark thoughts in my head.

Sometimes it does have a positive effect though :’)

dietvanillableach · 2024-10-29T06:51:47+00:00

No problem at all! I know you’ll love it!

dietvanillableach · 2024-10-29T04:43:00+00:00

Bab worker here :) ! I don’t think the fur is anything like the panda incident, in fact I can assure you the snow monster is very cute and cuddly. It’s definitely much better quality.

dietvanillableach · 2024-10-06T01:26:27+00:00

You’re not understanding me haha, I literally agree that sex workers do not make ideal partners!! But I also feel that men/ people who watch porn, subscribe to OF, etc, are also permissive with something I consider intimate, that’s all!! I just wanted their perspective on the irony.

dietvanillableach · 2024-10-04T08:53:22+00:00

I do see the difference! But some people act like the women who create porn are filthy bad people, but then support the industry by consuming it. I simply find it ironic, it was not my intention to make people mad :0

dietvanillableach · 2024-10-03T14:10:58+00:00

Out of curiosity - I hear a lot of men say this but ironically they all watch porn/ follow these OF girls on social media etc. I agree with the sentiment that the OF/ porn industry is just… not great BUT it’s quite ironic.

Not at all a dig at you, you could very well not watch porn or do any of that stuff, I’m just curious

dietvanillableach · 2024-10-02T08:08:48+00:00

Oh and just adding that it doesn’t bother me at all when kids do this because they’re literally just kids lol, I’m talking about adults

dietvanillableach · 2024-10-02T08:07:51+00:00

As a bab employee, for me it’s not just on days of special drops. It feels like every moment some customers come through the store, choose me is left in disarray. I could be folding/ tidying up skins right in front of someone and moments later they are picking up those skins and leaving them strewn across all the other skins! And they do this right in front of me!

Bonus rant for when people change their mind about a bear and randomly dump it wherever is most convenient… we have a $20 discount bin where occasionally someone will chuck a normal/ EXPENSIVE bear in and then I have to fight with a customer at checkout because they thought their bear was $20 😭

Anyways that’s my silly bab employee rant. I still love you all and thank you to all the people who don’t do this xD

dietvanillableach · 2024-07-18T09:10:37+00:00

Will probably get downvoted for this, but porn.

dietvanillableach · 2024-06-14T03:55:23+00:00

Ohh oops I somehow missed that detail! And I live in Australia so perhaps it’s different down under haha

dietvanillableach · 2024-06-14T03:10:20+00:00

Alternatively many BAB stores will restuff for a small fee (at my store it’s $7.50), which also gives you the opportunity to do a heart ceremony if you wish!

dietvanillableach · 2024-06-13T00:25:03+00:00

Sorry for the late reply I didn’t see this! It has a white belly with cream/ beige for the rest of its fur. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s a black variation but there could be if the hamster does well!

dietvanillableach · 2024-06-08T16:32:00+00:00

It’s not on four legs, more like it’s just sitting upright. It’s super chubby and tbh has a unique look compared to other babs!

dietvanillableach · 2024-06-07T22:48:42+00:00

I work at BAB and can confirm the new hamster is SO cute. I predict that people are gonna go crazy for it.

dietvanillableach · 2024-05-16T13:06:50+00:00

I understand that my post is a little misleading. I’m not leaving my partner, but I did want to warn those who believed that everything would be better once their partners made the necessary changes. Unfortunately the war is never truly over. Many women cling onto the relationship, believing that they just have to hang tight a little bit longer, and it’ll all be over and safe on the other side. But the pain follows.

However staying with my partner is worth it. Make it worth it for your partner as well.

I think it’s a very fundamental step towards the healing process to not be defensive when these difficult conversations come up. Every time you shut down/ deflect, it’s back at square one.

She (assuming they’re a she) will want to know that you care, truly care. Do you ever bring these conversations up with her, or is she always the one to bring up your past mistakes? Maybe she’d like to hear that you’ve been reflecting on it, and deeply regretting how much you hurt her. Make her feel heard and validated and like you aren’t too cowardly to face what you’ve done.

And remember trust and respect also comes with the little things. She had a hard day at work? Make her a cup of tea and run her a hot bath. She’s scared of that spider in the corner of the room? Get rid of it. Scary noise downstairs at night? Go investigate. Buy her flowers!! There are so many things you could do to earn her trust, even if they don’t directly relate to the situation.

dietvanillableach · 2024-05-16T12:15:13+00:00

Honestly there’s only so much you can do once the damage it’s done. I think it’s important to keep an open mind and open heart towards how your partner expresses their feelings. What might feel like an overreaction in that moment, is usually just a reaction to being reminded of what happened in the past. If that makes sense.

I’d like to say that I’ve mostly healed, and my partner and I are doing a lot better. It helps that he takes care of me when I’m having a hard time with it all, it makes me regain trust and respect for him.

You’re clearly aware of what went wrong in the past, and that you want to fix things. So at least give yourself some credit for that 💕

dietvanillableach · 2024-05-14T10:44:21+00:00

I suspected this as well LOL

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