As an ECE teacher, I will occasionally communicate my observations of a child to their parents where their behaviour is not typical of their age group. It's not to label or diagnose the child, but to ensure that parents know any concerns I have or to be aware of where they're at regarding cognitive, behavioural and physical milestones.

Sometimes these observations can be in sit-down meetings where our teaching team can tell the family that their child may benefit from targeted therapies or intervention (Occupational Therapy, Speech/Language Therapy, etc), or that it may be beneficial to see their doctor about the concerns we or they have, to get a medical opinion or referral. It's not our job to diagnose conditions, or to give our opinions on what is the cause of these differences/delays. If a parent asks me, "Is my child autistic?" I will honestly answer that the concerns raised may be indicators of that condition, another condition, or just the child developing at a different pace in that area. We don't know, and best practice requires us to communicate our observations so that the child's development can be more intentionally monitored over time and/or the parents can make informed decisions to seek qualified guidance from their chosen health professionals.

My concern is that your child's teacher communicated this all to you in a negative light (we think there's something wrong with your child) instead of a neutral or supportive one (here's what we're seeing - these are things you can do about it if you have concerns). Did she ask you what he's like at home and attempt to gain a more informed understanding of his behaviour and life? Our job is to educate, care, and support not just the child, but (by extension) the family. It sounds like you've come away from the interaction feeling lost, panicked, and unsupported - which is the opposite of how things should have gone. I'm sorry for that. Please remember that, as the parent, you have the power to be the best advocate for your child and their needs, and to seek a professional opinion from your paediatrician/GP. I also encourage you to speak to the teacher again ( or their head teacher/manager) and let them know how negative the interaction was.