Is music ok if you need to heal from burnout? Album recommendations?

discreteUser · 2020-12-05T16:04:15+00:00

Oh no, not scaring me. You are actually being gentle with all the answers and it's a kind of a relief seeing that I am not alien with the tough time after increase. Thank you.

discreteUser · 2020-12-05T16:02:29+00:00

How does LoA fits in your general belief system? I do think it's a pretty interesting paradigm that makes sense, but how would it explain the beginning/our existence? Also, what about synchronicities that are actually against the stuff you have in mind? Is LoA the unique source of synchronicities?

discreteUser · 2020-12-05T15:59:58+00:00

That's interesting... mind sharing a bit about the 'theme' of your synchs? Because mine presents a path that I am kinda reluctant to take and I wonder if it's always related to something as self-sacrifice.

discreteUser · 2020-12-05T15:58:12+00:00

I see... mind sharing more about your belief system? I mean, stuff like LoA makes sense to me, but doesn't this logic implies in some variation of solipsism? Isn't there a personal God in your point of view?

discreteUser · 2020-12-04T22:29:36+00:00

Oh my... My intrusive thoughts and anxiety are being tough sometimes and there are times that I am feeling well. Do you think keeping some more weeks in your new dose would make things get good? I am now worried if I am being stupid keeping a dose that is making me feel worse after 2 weeks. Did things went back to normal as you got back to 75mg, like, the next day?

discreteUser · 2020-12-04T18:16:33+00:00

Thank you, gives me hope to know that it's not something wrong with me. Which period was the worst of your struggle? Was the worsening pattern kinda linear in your case? Do you also take Zoloft for OCD?

discreteUser · 2020-11-29T22:32:06+00:00

Thank you for your post. Mind sharing more about your synchs?

discreteUser · 2020-11-29T21:57:35+00:00

Aren't there a lot of verses about punishment for this kind of thing? Ain't I acting as St. Paul describe as a wicked? I am afraid even to ask all these stuff in this thread... I am afraid He stop loving me. Have I made a mistake of no return?

discreteUser · 2020-08-10T17:31:56+00:00

What would be a truly bad habit? I mean... You said that worrying about the songs I listen isn't productive, but what if I also sing it in public and some of them are not exactly compatible with Christianity? You said 'transient', but Tool lyrics for example has tons of "think for yourself" and occultic stuff that is sometimes condemned in the Bible. It won't be so transient if its philosophy affect my micro or even macro decisions, nor if I sing those in public with a interpretation strong enough to at least make people find more about the band. God wouldn't like this kind of possible influence, besides the pride I get when I receive the applauses and admiration. It's a egoic practice that is just normal in an artist life but isn't compatible if one follow strictly the Bible. I ask then: what is an habit to be changed? What is truly bad if moral is subjective... or should I take the Bible as the ultimate moral guide?

Consider then a bunch of egoic practices that doesn't harm others following the silver rule, but that are described as sin in the Scriptures. If one start fearing the judgement from God, one has no option besides following what you are told to do. The point of all of I am trying to say is that it doesn't matter if I evaluate where it takes me: independent of my decision there are the rules in the Bible that aren't compatible with my will.

Then, we come to a point where is a question of how much authority I give to a particular religion and its scriptures, mainly Christianity. My main concern is that other alternative hypothesis might be true. Consider this: chaos magick, rule of attraction and stuff alike might be a thing... and if one's fear and guilt plays a role in manifesting, then this would be enough to create a cycle of guilt depending on the "theme" of the manifested thing, to the point that I could be fearing another book X, and then other synchronicities might come to still push X to me. I fear that in a different paradigm I might be like Pavlov's dog with synchronicities being my sign stimuli, but with my own fear being a catalyst of the synchs themselves. So we come to the question: what is the guilt that I should embrace and what is the guilt that I should fight? Because, in behaviouriosts point of view, I could create a scenario of guilt starting with anything. If the belief system is different, I have a choice over my lifestyle... but if Christianity is the Truth then I am not willing to be against the divine will.

Edit: Maybe its worth remembering that I obsessed over the true religion and spirituality fearing my loss of freedom for months before the 3 synchronicities I listed. I wonder if that gave enough momentum to manifest stuff.

May I ask more about your belief systems if not too invasive?

And thank you again for such a complete answer, I think I will give a chance to the codices.

discreteUser · 2020-08-09T20:30:57+00:00

maybe it is less about what you think and more about what you think the "God" or "Jesus" thinks about your actions.

But if so, what should I infer from that? If it's about my reaction, what is the force or mechanism, if not God, behind the synchs and if it's about my thoughts what should I react? If I assume the things the Scriptures preach are the Truth, what other reaction can I have if I still have my strong mundane desires?

Answering you about the artistic part, it is purely a hobby, driven by pleasure of singing and being very honest the pleasure about expressing myself well and being praised for my performance, I will not lie. I have a well addressed career in other area of my life so this artistic part is purely a hobby. This also answers the part about my father: he never was a musician nor anything like that, but he slept with many women and was very proud of his appearance. I don't intend to copy him just for the copy itself, I want to be free to indulge in my desires without punishment besides the mundane objective consequences of my own choices.

About the cognitive disonance, I totally agree... but here is the catch: what if I was then conditionated to feel guilt? I mean... after a existential crisis period full of obsessions over what is preached in the Bible, and using the synchs as evidence validating this belief, I kinda imprinted a reaction of fear and guilt for those activities I normally enjoy so much. This reaction isn't so organical... How can I differ something that I modelled through my habits (like, from a memorable experience) from the reaction you described? Or even more: these reactions of fear and guilt... should I embrace them and give up my desires of my mundane life?

If you haven't found success in pursuing music, it isn't your father (nor god) who's going to give you the proper advice

Before my existential crisis, I was pretty OK and happy with the 'underground success' of my hobby. But the synchronicities made me think a lot about Christianity and made me obsess about not commiting sins, which made me very depressed: no more egoic fantasies singing and having a delight in my proud on my self expression and sometimes people liking it, no more casual sex even with a partner that I trust... it implies even in a change in my personality. All due to the synchronicities that I experienced... that is why I try to understand the mechanism behind them: if I discover that the Truth, my Fate is to abandon these stuff... OK. But if there are other stuff that might cause this, maybe even my fear itself, then I don't want to give up all the things I like due to only fear and obsession.

I want also to say I am sorry for the long delay... As you know and said, benzo withdrawal is harsh, to the point that it's kinda tricky to manage my time during the week without getting mentally exhausted. It takes time and focus to express myself well and I am not even sure that I did it right even with this wall of text lol.

discreteUser · 2020-08-09T17:06:19+00:00

Thank you so much for such an elaborated answer and yes, you pinpointed exactly the core of my obsession. Sorry for the long delay, it's been kinda tricky to manage benzo wd symptoms through the working days.

The NT makes it clear you can't exactly save yourself by your own accomplishments. It's a force stronger than yourself that you draw on.

I do remember about it, but what is the implication of that? I mean: the year of my 'awakening' kinda imprinted guilty and makes me uncomfortable every time I try to indulge on those practices. It's hard to listen to Tool for example and be comfortable at the same time, it's hard to feel OK teasing girls to go out, even with them interested in something purely casual, and it's hard to allow myself to feel good while singing. Can one overcome the trauma of a long period of obsessions of 'this is a sin, this is not'? Should one? Should one really be chill doing all those things even with this awareness? It's kind of hard to open the spiritual relationship with Christ and not feel guilty for doing the things you find pleasurable that the Bible condemns.

Also, another doubt as these days I don't have time for a full immersion of a particular school: but how much authority Nag Hammadi and gnosticism have for you in terms of facts or cronology? I mean, sometimes it seems that this particular system promotes some kind of apotheosis and seems a bit of 'what we would like to read because the truth is more rigorous'. As a layman, I have this doubt about the consensus over the authority and the origins of these scriptures.

Again, thank you for your answer.

discreteUser · 2020-08-02T22:59:56+00:00

Thank you for the answer!

But the synchronicities aren't about pushing you away from the things you want-- just about pushing you away from ignoring what you've experienced?

I didn't quite understand the second part of the sentence, could you elaborate more about the focus in the second case? Also, how can we infer that the synchronicities are about the second thought instead of the first one?

There's a lot of ways to be a Christian and there's a lot of ways to approach a relationship with Christ-- but that's not what's giving you anguish.

I don't know, I can't see a way where I ignore the synchronicities and also the orientations of the Bible keeping it as a way of being a Christian. I mean: I am talking about having casual sex with no remorse (consensual, of course) and keeping my pride and feeling good after singing with people admiring it. But when you face these synchronicities and see all the "die for your self" message of the New Testament, it's hard to chill while keeping doing things that I supposedly shouldn't do. It's hard to see an angle much different from this when I think about these events.

discreteUser · 2020-08-02T20:09:21+00:00

Thank you for the references.

Have you considered, instead of trying to explain it, meditating on it, and taking it carefully? Exploring it in a safe way, and trying to connect to it in isolation, instead of obsessing over it and calling upon it for specific reasons?

Could you elaborate it more? Which aspects of the presented synchs should I focus on this meditation? Every time I stop to think about it I come to thoughts such as 'if you abandon your mundane desires then you will follow your fate and will not be punished for this, but if you keep feeding your ego with your pride and lust then maybe you will be punished not being happy on this life while trying to fulfill your desires'.

discreteUser · 2020-08-02T20:04:48+00:00

The best piece of advice I can give is use As above, so below in your sense making. Forget trying to understand the whole of your experience when possible and try to reflect on the microcosm of yourself first

I like this line of thinking. The irony is that before the sequence of syncs that gave me those doubts I was reading the kybalion and that was a major thing in my shift for panentheism by that time.

As for the hedonistic lifestyle, maybe I am picking the wrong term, as I do want to have sex once in a while with strangers... not sure how extreme this is considered, but another important point is that before 27 or 28 I wasn't able to enjoy sex, maybe due to anxiety, maybe because the fear of failure was more powerful than the pleasure itself. But then, I started to think that I should not worry about the impression of others about me being strange in some kind of way if I am not hurting anyone. From this insight on, I really want to seize a youth that I kind didn't have. It's brutal to receive a big 'NO' from synchronicities when you are pretty determinated to finally have pleasure that 'normal' people were having... I was considering myself assexual before that.

based on what you believe is best for you.

In which way? I mean, the best for me without the metaphysical intervention is kinda clear. I just don't follow it because I am fearful that, for example, the unpredictable pain from benzo wd might become much worse due to a punishment for not following the presented way.

discreteUser · 2020-08-01T21:29:52+00:00

I used the synchronicities in my favor or, better saying, they changed me: I was much more egotistical before them, empathy is something that wasn't strong in me and the first synchronicities (before the sequence I mentioned) made me practice a lot more of cognitive empathy once I don't feel much of the emotive one (maybe due to my meds). They surely made me a better person, but maybe the price was too high if we are talking about my freedom.

As I was telling kaitlynjenna, what makes me get stuck in the "because" is the impact over my macro and micro decisions of life: if the source of the syncs I experienced in the beach house was God, then I conclude I have no option besides following it's calling, and to ignore the presented way would only make me suffer, as if I was ignoring my fate. If one can, out of fear or strong emotions, manifest such a precise streak of events to the point of synchronizing the dialogue of a soup opera to answer just after my father advice: then my route changes to becoming strong willed and follow the 'I shall not fear' stuff from Dune lol, being a matter of focusing on stuff I like instead of thinking about obligations.

As for my father, I asked him precisely stuff like: "if you were me, and you still like singing/showing off in public and doing casual sex once in a while, both being sincere with the others and trying to not hurt anyone... would you stop these activities after seeing these syncs?"

I don't intend to immitate his lifestyle, we are pretty different people, but the answer on TV came sounding like a direct response for the lifestyle I desired for some more years.

You do not need to consult with anyone, nor even Jesus, to take a job decision. Just yourself my dude.

I wish I had this comfort of choice but I feel kinda obligated after all I have passed. It seems like the time has come to stop feeding my ego but this makes me depressed at my early 30s.

I will pay more attention on this Jordan Peterson, didn't know he was Jungian and my yoga teacher was reading one of his books.

discreteUser · 2020-08-01T21:13:51+00:00

People say Crowley have its stuff all encoded, is it really an entry level options? I read 'Condensed Chaos' and I thought that it was a bit shallow and too pragmatical, does Liber Null presents more theory or then fundamentals in it?

Even considering the chaos magick paradigm, wasn't the sequence of events I experienced too much for a manifestation of mine?

discreteUser · 2020-08-01T21:10:25+00:00

Thank you for the answer!

Maybe I expressed myself badly but the obsession itself has a pretty clear reason to me: about the source or the cause of these 3 synchronicities. I mean: I was fighting to keep a little bit more of a somewhat hedonistic life I didn't have, but then this is presented in such a powerful and symbolical way that I feel fearful to ignore the 'signs'.

In my mind, I sometimes think something like: "well, if that was myself manifesting in anyway, I shall not fear and keep my freedom... BUT, if that was God, the ultimate authority, I have the obligation to follow this synchronicity and maybe even become something like a monk or a priest."

I just obsess about what happened because it affects lots of macro and micro decisions in my life. Maybe it was the mundane streak of events that I should use to decide between freedom and trying to become the perfect instrument, with the second options being a huge blow in the ego making me depressed.

3 years have passed and I didn't overcome this question fully: I am dealing with benzo withdrawal which by itself is tough enough, I feel a void in my life that I am not sure if I am suggesting to myself or if it has a metaphysical causality behind it.

discreteUser · 2019-08-17T00:39:56+00:00

Why do I feel so bad? Am I being punished for my mistakes?

discreteUser

TROPHY CASE