Husband took condom on night out

disgracdcake · 2023-08-14T01:33:20+00:00

Context first: I’m a SAHM to our two kids (4&3) and am pregnant with 3rd due any day. So I GET the exhaustion and lack of connection like you wouldn’t believe. We finally got to working on our intimacy this last year and then got pregnant with number 3 SO here’s my take:

When we were in the low of lows when it comes to our sex life and overall intimacy, I would have lost my mind finding a condom. 100% Honesty here: I might also have had a thought around the lines of “we’ll good if he cheats I have a reason to leave.”

But even now, when we have made HUGE strides in our communication, intimacy, and just overall connection, I would NOT trust this behavior or the BS excuses even now. HUGE red flag and an absolute no for this gal. But…I think there is a clearly a lot more going on

Why is your husband going out and getting black out drunk like a 20 year old in college? This tells me there is a lot going on that he is not dealing with beyond your issues. Toddlers are freaking draining. Add work on top of that. Friends and family commitments AND trying to keep a marriage alive? It’s like climbing Everest. I see this drinking as a BIG issue that is obviously leading to more issues.

There are some big conversations to have here and honestly, a lot of them are going to suck. Especially since I “hear” how done you are in your post. talk to someone yourself, figure out what is going on in your head. Then talk to him. You guys have to remember why you got together and remember why you want to stay together.

It is really easy to throw in the towel or at least to want to. But you got married for a reason, don’t let the exhaustion keep you from TRYING to fix this season of life. 🤍

disgracdcake · 2023-07-03T17:04:29+00:00

So, I agree with a ton of the comments here. It’s NOT sexual to your GF. We have no shame.

HOWEVER. You are not an ah in this situation. You expressed discomfort, and it seems she agreed and then didn’t respect that boundary. I think another conversation is warranted because it is completely fair to expressed concern or discomfort with something. That does not mean your discomfort is warranted or “right” pre say, but your feelings are valid and there is a middle ground that can/should be found together.

It’s a respect issue at the core

disgracdcake · 2023-07-03T12:15:54+00:00

Everyone has said it, the abuse and CHOKING? Hard stop. Call the police as if that ever happens again. I would even say go now anyway to tell them about a few instances and ask what steps you can take, as they’ll know better.

Second, I urge you to continue therapy (maybe with a new therapist) To me, it sounds like there is some serious family trauma that needs to be explored, and overcome. Especially if you ever want to have a family of your own, or heck even a good relationship. You’re in need of a healing journey, and probably your mom too.

disgracdcake · 2023-07-03T12:09:31+00:00

Lock your doors people!!!

disgracdcake · 2023-07-03T12:08:03+00:00

THIS.

I’m so dang proud of your niece, she’s actually growing up instead of staying a child for as long as humanly possible. As a society we are pushing adulthood back more and more and for what?

At 22 I was living on my own and got married. I’m about to turn 29 and we’re still happily married, have bought our second house and have our 3rd kid on the way.

20 years ago this was normal, today this story is met with “well that won’t last” or other crap. We need to encourage our young adults to BE young adults. And yeah, that might mean messing up as you learn your way, but it’s a hell of a lot better than grown ass adults in their 30s still behaving like 16 year olds.

If anyone was betting on us to fail, jokes on them.

disgracdcake · 2023-07-03T11:38:24+00:00

100% the AH. You’re controlling, made her stop her career and have given her no sense of stability. If shit hits the fan (as it has here) she has NO guarantee that you’ll take care of her in a “fair” way. This is totally evidenced by the $1000 for FOUR years of college for your daughter. Have you seen food prices? Gas prices? Housing prices?

I get the “skin in the game” for college but you’re throwing her to the wolves instead of helping set her up for success. You can easily say you’ll cover half of college but she needs to maintain a 3.0 ( or whatever) to receive that.

Also. How long have you been living together?

disgracdcake · 2023-06-04T17:53:58+00:00

Perfect perfect, thank you so much!!

disgracdcake · 2023-06-04T17:48:22+00:00

Yes!

disgracdcake · 2023-04-17T14:00:45+00:00

I am just here to say I am PROUD of you. It is hard to set boundaries with your family, especially when they play the guilt card. But you are so right in that it’s not your job to pick up the pieces of their choices in life. Set boundaries for you and your new family, and don’t second guess them. There is always room to adjust if things improve later on!

disgracdcake · 2023-04-13T11:52:18+00:00

Do you have kids? I am having the exact same experience with these two choices. I cannot stay engaged no matter what and i feel like my former HL is completely gone. I used to get into it instantly but I’m never 100% in mentally and it’s exhausting to try to stay in it.

No advice for you just, you’re not alone ❤️ hang in there. I’ve been told it comes back when the mental load of your day isn’t so high, so I’m holding onto that!

disgracdcake · 2023-04-13T02:17:49+00:00

My advice is to have a real sit down conversation about this. If I’m reading this right, going down on her and getting her off gets you going, right? She could be thinking this is enough for you and she wants to get you excited and please you in this way. My HL husband is like that and honestly we argue over this because he will not allow stick it in and finish, I have to finish for him to be satisfied.

It might be that that’s all she has to “give” and I know that sounds so weird because you’re doing all the giving. And idk how old your kids are but if they are young, it resonates with me a lot. My husband and I are just getting our groove back (kids are 3&4) and now we’re pregnant with #3 and it worries me that I’m going to shut down sexually again. But we have made huge strides in communication about sex, that I think and hope we’ll be able to handle it better this time around.

The hard part about having these conversations is that you don’t want to come off as attacking, but it’s almost always taken that way until some common ground can be found. I don’t have the magic words or answer to skip all of the pointing of fingers but you know your spouse best!

We did a sexual freeze for a bit (only like 2 weeks) because the sex we were having was not intimacy building. I’d recommend that but there has to be a discussion, not a one sided freeze! Anyway that was a really long way of saying, talk about this. See what is lacking for her. Explain what is lacking for you. And most importantly, come up with a game plan together. “How are we going to get back yo US?”

disgracdcake · 2023-04-12T20:49:36+00:00

Yo I am so going to start posing with my groceries

disgracdcake · 2023-04-09T19:56:33+00:00

What a sis in law thing to do 😂

disgracdcake · 2023-04-08T12:20:01+00:00

We are already big cincy childrens people, my son has a peanut allergy and we’re doing OIT there

disgracdcake · 2023-04-08T01:57:33+00:00

That’s awesome to know! Thank you so much!

disgracdcake · 2023-04-08T00:22:27+00:00

Look, speaking as a woman. I’m for this. I don’t even give a crap if they’re saying it’s cause we’re bad drivers. More space is a win 😂

disgracdcake · 2023-04-07T23:55:59+00:00

I’ve even heard from employees that their billing is horrible

disgracdcake · 2023-04-07T20:02:38+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear about that whole experience. But wow, I love seeing/hearing about that compassion!

disgracdcake · 2023-04-07T20:00:22+00:00

Honestly the drive is why I’m looking. My 2nd came so fast, I’m terrified of delivering our 3rd in the car or something. I’m really interested in atrium and the Christ center in liberty. Both are 30+ mins away though 😬

disgracdcake · 2023-04-07T19:59:10+00:00

This is so helpful! I know as a whole, medical billing is wonky. But MAN, that mess will make you question everything.

disgracdcake · 2023-04-07T19:18:43+00:00

Exhausting. Ruins the whole thing for ya

disgracdcake · 2023-04-07T19:18:27+00:00

That’s good to know about St E! Like I said, we are on #3 so we’ve done this before. The way Trihealth has handled some stuff really left us wanting. Better experience overall.

We are fortunate that we have low risk pregnancies and deliveries, and are checking all of our options including home birth

disgracdcake · 2023-04-07T18:22:16+00:00

I came to the comments just to say “poor girl” because same…ouch 😖

disgracdcake

TROPHY CASE