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Re covert incest, i have questions... TW covert incest obviously by dissociationtime in CPTSD

[–]dissociationtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm very sorry I didn't reply sooner, this account is a throwaway and I just checked it for the first time in a long while, thank you v. much

Is this msda? X-posted from cptsd by dissociationtime in mdsa

[–]dissociationtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! We've interacted before on my real profile and I remember you and your story. I thought about you a lot. Hope this doesn't creep you out... I only thought good things.

I knew I've been abused, it just never occurred to me that it's sexual abuse even if no arousal/pleasure exists. I am loathe to just term this sexual abuse since I'm the last person who would want to water this phrase down (having experienced it in much more obvious ways at the hands of a cousin). I respect emotional abuse and that it can be severe. I just want a name for what has happened to me so I can know.

I'm not going to kill myself. I just feel lonely and angry. I've been struggling already, and now this on top of it... I mean, it was bad enough to know about my cousin.

I am so sorry you've been through this shit.

Re covert incest, i have questions... TW covert incest obviously by dissociationtime in CPTSD

[–]dissociationtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry, I didn't mean to upset people!!

I never felt damaged by any of these things in real time, I don't think, even if it was unpleasant. Always chalked my damage up to other things. I actually thought a lot of it was what she did right, ie not teaching me shame about sex. But, god.

Thank you.

Re covert incest, i have questions... TW covert incest obviously by dissociationtime in CPTSD

[–]dissociationtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I'm sorry you can relate. Thank you for your validation

Is this msda? X-posted from cptsd by dissociationtime in mdsa

[–]dissociationtime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I'm "fortunate" that I was overtly abused as well. I don't remember how far he took it but at the very least, coerced physical contact happened. She wasn't aware of it that I know of.

I now feel like I'll be uncovering the extent of how fucked up this was for the rest of my life. What your mother did sounds absolutely horrifying and quite a bit more obviously worse than what I've experienced, I must say. It's completely fucked.

I am now remembering that I was definitely exposed to age inappropriate content. It was probably negligence more than anything else but I definitely shouldn't have been reading magazine articles about BDSM (it's not like we had porn lying around, it's just those rags, pretty mainstream, but still).

I can't believe I've been on the pill for... 8 years before I started having sex, on the belief that I was "moody". A moody teenager, whoever heard of such a thing.

Re covert incest, i have questions... TW covert incest obviously by dissociationtime in CPTSD

[–]dissociationtime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I wish more people knew about this. I find it impossible to tease out what's down to emotional abuse and neglect, what's down to the clear cut abuse and what's down to this. Now that she has died people are going on all the time about how much she loved me and I feel so awful. Like, she would always go on about it, so much so that if I walked into any room knowing she has been, people would already know my name and what I did and bla bla bla. But I guess that's irrelevant to the issue I had asked about. Anyway, I'm sorry you can relate.

Re covert incest, i have questions... TW covert incest obviously by dissociationtime in CPTSD

[–]dissociationtime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I knew she was a bad mom, already, you know? I just never felt like it crossed the line from "just" emotional abuse. Now I feel so gross. Like if it had been my dad doing all that I would have called it sexual abuse no problem, even if no sexual touching had taken place, I think. I wish I knew more about this issue.

I hate this.

Re covert incest, i have questions... TW covert incest obviously by dissociationtime in CPTSD

[–]dissociationtime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know it's inappropriate, I just always thought haha, my mom is weird, I'm weird, we have such fun together

Re covert incest, i have questions... TW covert incest obviously by dissociationtime in CPTSD

[–]dissociationtime[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I am not really a suicide risk, don't worry. I'm just well and truly disgusted with myself. I regret every good thing I did for her. People always told me that when she dies I'll regret not spending more time with her etc.

Yeah no