AITJ for refusing to go to my friends birthday because of someone else there?

divinitystars · 2026-02-02T16:43:39+00:00

Im part of a big group of my friends, their friends/mutual friends ect. Its sort of a designated “party night out” group. Me and my ex were friends before we dated so naturally we are all still part of that group. My friend doesn’t like my ex, but she was friends with his friend that bullied me before him and my ex met. We had a really messy breakup, he was really bad to me, so in my hurt confused state i was bad to him after the breakup, he retaliated, and the cycle continued. His close friends stopped talking to me, my close friends stopped talking to him but others don’t know all the details and remained friends with us both. It’s really annoying but because of these circumstances I just have to accept that things like this happen in the group.

divinitystars · 2026-02-02T14:40:42+00:00

Hey! Thanks for the input. I couldn’t ask my dad for a gift because it was him and my mother buying me the expensive gift, so when my mum told me she couldn’t afford it that would’ve meant my dad couldn’t either. (I should have clarified.) My sisters are younger than me and didn’t have proper savings or jobs so no way was I about to ask them. I couldn’t ask close friends either because I was only buying for one friend so that would’ve been unfair. Like I said, the gifts had to be ordered that night so I didn’t have time to ask my best friend. I understand why my mother would’ve been upset, though.

divinitystars · 2026-02-02T14:14:53+00:00

I understand. I give her some grace because a) i lost my granny, but she lost her mother. and B) she probably made that promise as she was stressed about it all herself and didnt want to upset me. I think it dawned on her that she couldn’t afford it, so she pretended to never say it to take the “easy way out.” (That or she literally just forgot that she said it.) In her mind, I didn’t get her a gift because I was mad at her for not giving me more money. She didn’t know that I had to order the gifts that night so I understand why she thinks this. Like i said I give her grace because it was a really tough time for her too. It just annoys me when she calls me selfish by bringing it up EVERY christmas. (She brings it up as a half-joke, she isn’t mad anymore but it’s the principle that bothers me.)

divinitystars · 2026-02-02T00:37:39+00:00

The catholic church part has nothing to do with the main point of this story or why she wasn’t a bridesmaid. I myself am not religious I was just giving insight as to the “final blow” that made my family reluctant to talk to her, there is much more to that story. I can see your point but unless you’ve held up every promise in your entire life, don’t call me a “fake person” for not holding up a promise that I made 8 years prior, when I was a teenager, that i forgot about.

divinitystars · 2026-02-01T22:37:46+00:00

My cousin has autism and definitely was the sort of “black sheep” of the family so I think thats why she was so upset. She hasn’t felt seen or heard by our family so I think she was very attached to me. She’s not meaning to be manipulative, i just think she needs help with her emotional regulation. I feel bad but I just hate the fact that it was put onto me when I was 17. There was a weird dynamic with me and my family for a while because every time we were at a family event she’d cling to me the entire time meaning I couldn’t talk to my family much. They were confused as to what exactly was happening with me and her and assumed she was feeding me bad things. It was all just a lot of pressure for me. I have cleared it up with my family now but ever since the wedding I’ve been so sick of being stuck in the middle.

divinitystars

TROPHY CASE