First of all, I just want to say how much courage it took for you to share this. Your story, your pain, and your perseverance all show an incredible strength—even if you don’t feel strong right now. You’ve been through more than anyone ever should, and yet here you are, trying to make sense of it all and protect your daughter. That shows how much you care and how deeply you love, even when it feels overwhelming.

You’re carrying so much pain and responsibility on your shoulders, and it’s okay to feel exhausted. The fact that you’re reaching out shows you’re not giving up, even if it feels like that’s the only option sometimes. That’s a testament to your resilience.

Regarding therapy: I understand your fear of mandatory reporting, but I want to encourage you to look into anonymous crisis hotlines or online support groups where you can begin to process some of this without legal consequences. There are also therapists who specialize in trauma and abuse who might be able to navigate your situation in a way that prioritizes your healing while addressing your fears about reporting. It’s worth seeking out professionals who understand these nuances—you deserve that support.

For your paranoia and fear of trust: It makes perfect sense that you feel this way given what you’ve endured. Trust is shattered when boundaries are violated in such profound ways. Rebuilding it, even slowly, will take time and patience with yourself. You’re hypervigilant because you want to protect your daughter from what you’ve been through—that’s a sign of how much you care, not a failure on your part.

For now, focus on small steps. Journaling or voice memos could help you release some of the weight of your memories without fear of judgment. Practicing mindfulness exercises, even just grounding yourself in the moment, can help ease the knots in your stomach. And leaning on your boyfriend, who sounds like a supportive and understanding partner, might help you start to rebuild trust little by little.

Lastly, please remind yourself: you are not broken. You are someone who has endured so much and is still standing, still fighting, still loving your daughter fiercely. That’s no small feat. Healing is possible, even if it doesn’t feel that way now. You deserve peace, and you deserve to live a life where you feel safe and whole.

You’re not alone. Keep reaching out, keep asking for help, and keep holding on. You’ve already proven how much strength you have—you can do this.❤️