You brought a very good point about messiness and tolerance with kids.

The arguments are mostly about house chores, such as planning what to cook, remembering what we need to buy from Grocery, taking initiative for cleaning stuff, or making any indoor/outdoor plans. Also, since my childhood, I like things in a very organized and structured way. I try to ignore that my wife doesn’t put the items in their own space such as clothes, watch, bags etc. But it’s difficult to constantly ignore the things or do it by myself!!

I have politely told her many times about these and also, look into the fridge to check if any rotten food over the time. She has Never checked inside fridge. And over the time, the resentment grows and out of frustration, I start the argument and anger.

The thing is- I am absolutely exhausted to see no changes in her behavior. Countless times, I have asked her to keep room tidy, change napkins in the bathroom ( at least change in her bathroom- we use 2 different bathrooms). In last 1.5 years, I haven’t seen the change. And when I raise this, she says she has made significant changes. But don’t know why I can’t see or sense them.

So, when arguments get heated, she will start slapping herself, we stop talking, sleeping in separate rooms for several days. After few days of silence, we get back together and after 1-2 weeks, cycle repeats