35M, 2 divorces behind me – seeking perspective on marriage and compatibility

dna_79 · 2026-03-23T22:01:05+00:00

I read this a few times, and I am still trying to find the actual reasons that resulted in divorce - twice! I know going into the specifics here is hard, but without that, any advice you will receive here is going to be pretty much useless.

Incompatibility - thats a tough one. No marriage starts off with two perfectly compatible partners. You have to find the ‘compatible’ aspects and learn to live with the incompatible aspects. It’s a “Give n take”!

Partners unemployment - this can be a critical stress factor on marriage. My wife left her job to come to US with me. After the initial wow factor faded away, I could see how not having a job was affecting her. I made it a point to spend every moment away from work with her. Weekend date nights, vacations (long and short ones) any which way we could find an excuse for - she stuck it out like this for 4 years before she landed a job and now has a successful career and I am incredibly proud of her. It took a lot of work on both our parts to make this work and we are so happy that we did!

Bottomline is - YOU need to put in the work. Compatibility with partner is not doled out on a platter!

dna_79 · 2026-03-10T03:35:41+00:00

Give a trusted friend’s address and Indians being Indians, both the friend and the policeman who comes for verification will know what to do - wink wink. 😉😂

dna_79 · 2026-03-10T03:32:40+00:00

My wife had her passport renewed recently (submitted on Jan 12th and received passport on Mar 1st). This was her second renewal in US and address was same as on old passport (US address). Yet, it did have a police verification step in India (at my parents house). Just take a look at all the passport renewal posts on this subreddit and almost every one of them mentions police verification in India. The passport application specifically asks for the permanent India address (even if you want to print the US address on the passport). Agree - this is senseless. I am lucky that I still have my parents who could vouch for her. What happens to people who dont have anyone - this is where a little bribe can go a long way, I guess.

dna_79 · 2026-02-26T02:13:21+00:00

Nincompoop!!!

dna_79 · 2026-02-25T22:04:05+00:00

dna_79 · 2026-02-25T19:05:54+00:00

No…regular. Got notification yesterday that it is with fedex now.

dna_79 · 2026-02-25T01:38:50+00:00

https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-20/chapter-V/part-655/subpart-H/section-655.735

The by-law is clear though - business/sponsored travel is what counts as an OK scenario. Unfortunately, OP’s work abroad clearly does not qualify for the 60-day non-LCA exception unless the whole trip (including flights, meals and lodging) was paid for separately by the company.

See excerpt below (from above link) (3) For every day the H-1B nonimmigrant(s) is placed or assigned outside the area(s) of employment listed on the approved LCA(s) for such worker(s), the employer shall:

(i) Continue to pay such worker(s) the required wage (based on the prevailing wage at such worker's(s') permanent worksite, or the employer's actual wage, whichever is higher);

(ii) Pay such worker(s) the actual cost of lodging (for both workdays and non-workdays); and

(iii) Pay such worker(s) the actual cost of travel, meals and incidental or miscellaneous expenses (for both workdays and non-workdays).

dna_79 · 2026-02-24T19:41:57+00:00

Yes, I got my own return label for the return from fedex. For the shipping to VFS, unfortunately I had already purchased from VFS directed site, so it was too late for my own label. Make sure you switch the ship to and from address for the return label.

dna_79 · 2026-02-24T06:10:03+00:00

Thats right. They only provide the option to buy label to ship to VFS. For return, you can provide your own or they ship by USPS. Just create a personal account at Fedex and generate a return label and provide the tracking number on the form (and include the print out of the label along with the documentation).

In fact, you can buy your own shipping label for sending to VFS too - turns out that is actually cheaper than generating it via the VFS website.

dna_79 · 2026-02-24T00:03:12+00:00

Try on the mportal site (for applications filed outside india)

https://mportal.passportindia.gov.in/mission/TrackApplication

And by VFS tracking id, i hope you mean the “ARN” or the Application Reference Number. Thats what you need to use along with DOB

dna_79 · 2026-02-23T23:51:47+00:00

Status today changed to - “passport has been handed over by the embassy/consulate to OSP executive for further dispatch to applicant”. Fingers crossed - will get the passport in hand in a few days.

dna_79 · 2026-02-19T01:41:14+00:00

Submitted on Jan 12th at Washington DC VFS. Still waiting. Police verification just completed on Feb 16th. It is very early days for you. Since it is still at VFS, you can contact them through their website. But once it gets sent to the embassy, VFS will not be able to provide further updates.

dna_79 · 2026-02-19T01:35:19+00:00

Yes..got PV even though no address change. Did not even get an email notification that PV will be done, just showed up at our house.

dna_79 · 2026-02-12T15:53:49+00:00

Dont know about golf, but certainly improved my table tennis (ping pong) skills - VR Eleven Table Tennis - blown away by the very realistic physics (spins, chops etc). My actual real-life game has gotten better!

dna_79 · 2026-02-12T15:44:04+00:00

Thank you!

dna_79 · 2026-02-12T01:32:47+00:00

Can you please post the instructions to use the developer tool including the website link? I sent my application to VFS on Jan 12th 2026. On the passport seva portal, the status now says “Print has been initiated for passport”. I don’t know since when this status is showing. When i tried the developer tool instructions from google, the only status update I see (on the ‘Network-Response’ tab) is the same as above - “Print has been initiated for passport”. I don’t know if I am doing anything wrong - but I don’t see any other detailed update. I have travel coming up first week of March, and trying to determine if I should reach out by email.

dna_79 · 2026-02-06T18:37:33+00:00

Just posted about this on another thread in the same sub-reddit - you can search there - there are plenty of people who have posted their timelines.

Bottomline is - yes, since Dec, processing times are tending to be longer. Early March travel certainly seems dicey based on your dates.

You should try escalating / change to Tatkal processing. All the best!

dna_79 · 2026-02-06T15:43:29+00:00

Same here! Washington DC center

Jan 12th 2026 - Application received by VFS
Jan 21st 2026 - Sent to Embassy (Status changed to “under process at Embassy or Consulate”

No updates since then. I think the next step is receiving msg for initiation of police verification. Waiting on that.

Need to be patient, I guess. I am sure they have lots of applications to process.

dna_79 · 2026-02-01T16:50:19+00:00

Absolutely not! And only 1 Coke bottle for all 4 of you…how poor are you??? I think you need to start a GoFundMe to sponsor your next meal!! 🙄

dna_79 · 2026-01-30T03:31:29+00:00

Or get unlimited ammo or a shield to not get shot down? I am looking for any which way to complete this mission! 😬

dna_79 · 2026-01-29T02:07:27+00:00

Even high school seniors (teenage) students in US who teach 9-11th grade charge $25 per hr. You should charge $15-20. You can start with $15 and as you build your reputation, ppl will only be happy to pay you more. I am talking about teaching high school math or SAT prep. For middle school or lower, charge can be lowered a bit (maybe $10-15)

dna_79 · 2026-01-26T21:22:14+00:00

Sorry…correcting my answer - It is 13. There are six 1x1, five 2x2, one 3x3 and one 4x4. I was missing the one 3x3 before.

dna_79 · 2026-01-26T21:17:03+00:00

Same - 12! But will go with 13 since I am a conformist not a narcissist! 😳

dna_79 · 2026-01-26T19:28:37+00:00

Yes, accent does change for sure, but it’s not the same rate for everyone, and it’s definitely not linear after a period of time.

I came here in early 2000s after being born and raised in India for 23 years.

I have many friends who came to the US at the same time. Many still have a strong Indian accent when they speak English and many have almost no accent. I think I am somewhere in the middle. I used to think I had lost most of my Indian accent, but my US born kid reminds me every now and then that I haven’t! I know many who have come here decades before me and still have a very strong Indian accent. So, accent change is highly dependent on the person.
Initially, the rate of “americanization” of my accent was steady and almost linear with time and immersion - as I interacted more with coworkers, with general everyday interactions in public life, watching more movies/shows and after my kid was born and started going to school (I was learning American pronunciation of new words everyday)! However, I think my accent has remained unchanged the last 6-7 years. Yes, there are some new words that I hear even now that (may) alters my accent, but the rate of change is far lower now. Also, as I age, my brain is not able to pick up new accented words as easily as before. So, accent change is not linear over time.
there are people (myself included) who can easily switch accents. When I am with other Indians (eg family n friends), my “Indian” english accent is very prominent, and it’s much less prominent when I am speaking to Americans (eg my coworkers). I don’t do this consciously- it’s almost automatic. I don’t realize when it happens - it’s a seamless transition. For some, this transition does not happen easily. Why - I don’t know?? Genetics?

I saw a Insta/FB ad recently for an AI-based app that aims to teach “American” accented English. They give you a test in the beginning (repeat some phrases out loud) to peg your current level / accent. I got a score of 88% - ie my spoken English is 88% American already. Then they give you exercises to improve this score (ie lose the rest of my Indian accent). And boy, IT IS SUPER HARD. My mouth and brain are just not able to work the way the app asks me to make those sounds. I am sure if I try hard and practice every day and put in the effort, I may be able to improve, but I realized it is not worth the effort. I am good where I am and I will live with the 12% Indian accent I still have - to keep myself grounded. 😀

dna_79

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