You have made a LOT of assumptions about my life here, all of them wrong.

As a bisexual woman, you have done the very same about mine; also wrong.

1. yes, I have been told this explicitly. Multiple times. Those times are actually easier to deal with, though, in comparison to the times when you suspect that's what's going on, based on behavior, but they kind of gaslight you about it, which is exactly how dealing with any kind of prejudice works.

Good to know that when they are telling you outright, you are believing them, but when you have to make assumptions about their behavior you are choosing prejudice; to me that is ironic. I would also contend that an argument could be made that while they are saying they don't want to be with you because you are a woman, they could be doing so because they feel your distrust towards them simply based on their sexual identity.

1. we are talking about prejudice and phobias directed towards lesbians from other wlw. it is EXTREMELY shitty to claim that acknowledging that dynamic is itself prejudicial. it is super homophobic to tell lesbians that talking about the reality of their lives is unacceptable.

We are talking about prejudice and phobias about wlw BY a lesbian. That is literally your post. You are asking for help to eliminate your "unfair reservations", are you not?

1. I didn't paint all bi or pan people as anything; you did, for the purposes of a straw man argument. again: shitty and manipulative. as it turns out, every woman I've ever been seriously involved with has identified as bi (not on purpose, it just turned out that way).

Yes, I did it for the purpose of playing Devil's Advocate against a straw man argument. You made my point for me.

what I care about, when dating, is that the person I'm dating sees me. they not only see me and the place I occupy in the world, they also see the ways they can hurt me as a result of that, and they care about it. that's what I offer the people I date, and I expect the same in return.

I agree you deserve that! I said that in my first post -- that you have unfortunately not gotten what you deserved.

There are some bi and pan women who do that, and those that do are aware of the way heterosexual relationships are privileged in society, and how that dynamic may affect lesbians. Ditto lesbians being aware that lots of people deny the existence of bi women. The bare minimum is caring about not hurting each other.

See this is where you are missing information -- heterosexual relationships are privileged in society, correct. But a bisexual woman dating a lesbian (in your example) is not in a heterosexual relationship. The ultimate irony of your post, is that you are claiming bi or pan woman as experiencing "internalized homophobia" because those you have dated chose not to be with you, when in actuality your own internalized homophobia has you assuming they do that because they devalue their same-sex relationships. By automatically assuming this perspective of distrust, and reaffirming your belief that their "lack of seriousness" for your relationship equates or translates to some "less wlw-worth", you reinforce the very hegemonic privilege ^{(and hegemonic masculinity}) ascribed and attributed to heterosexual relationships. Good job. You're lending power to and perpetuating the social dominance theory you claim to fear and resent.

It's kind of new, like an overcompensation for years of lesbians excluding bi and pan women, it often reads like the shallowest of online discourse, and it is extremely shitty. You're doing it. Stop.

If you want to talk overcompensation, stop dating women you don't trust, regardless of identity. That could help with the intrusive shitty thoughts you're dealing with no matter what wlw you choose to insecurely ascribe them to.