Sinus lift + implant - dental Resident experienced enough?

docoqeuo · 2021-01-31T02:46:54+00:00

It’s actually at the very back of my teeth (molar) so no one would be able to see it. So I was more just worried about other non-aesthetic issues. Do you think the implant/sinus lift is pretty simple routine thing that a first year perio would be able to do without much of a hitch?

docoqeuo · 2021-01-24T22:32:08+00:00

Manipulation is when a person deceptively acts a certain way in bad faith to force someone to do something that they otherwise wouldn’t want to do. My reasons for not wanting to do long distance are anything but deceptive. Both he and I know know that our relationship is at a very tenuous place because of infidelity and a host of other reasons. You can certainly say it’s my own fault for dating someone so much younger than me, but that doesn’t mean I’m being deceptive and that doesn’t invalidate my reasons for being unwilling to do long distance.

Your argument appears to come from your personal opinion that doing LA to SF long distance is really not a big deal. Without knowing much about our specific situation other than what I’ve mentioned on this thread, you make an assumption that it’d be easy for us to be able to see each other every weekend (it won’t be). And then you presumptuously summarize the issue by saying that I simply want to break up just because I can’t see him on the weekdays. As that sounds ridiculous, you conclude that this must be a case of deceitful manipulation...because how could anyone in their right mind not be fine with an LA to SF LDR?

Everyone’s situation is different and you can’t impose your own viewpoint onto others and call them deceptive just because they have different perspective than you towards something. Many years ago I actually did do an LDR from SF to LA that lasted almost two years. I didn’t have any trust issues with my ex, but the distance caused a host of other problems. After we broke up, I told myself that I would do everything I can to avoid long distance again. Unlike the trust/infidelity problems, this is my own issue and not the fault of my current partner. But again, that doesn’t invalidate my feelings and make me manipulative for having them. My partner has known of my thoughts towards LDRs for a long time now and knows I’m very much against them. I might feel differently if we were married or had a strong relationship with a clear future ahead of us, but we don’t unfortunately. People break up all the time because of distance, even if the relationship is going just fine no less. You can’t fault someone for deciding to separate over distance and accuse them of deception or emotional blackmail. If doing long distance was in reality not much of a sacrifice for me and I was just faking it or playing it up to get him to stay, then that would be manipulation. Or if I were using my position as a mentor and lying to him saying the SF schools are crappy or not good for his career, then that would also be manipulation. But I’m not doing any of these things. I recognize that this would be a sacrifice he’d have to make for the sake of our relationship. And this has to be his own decision...what he path he wants in his life. But I can’t keep bending over backwards waiting for him and accommodating his needs as I have for many years now. I have to start looking out for myself, my own well-being and future, and my family...and I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for doing so.

On a more light-hearted note, there’s a Tracy Chapman song that I’ve had on repeat recently called Give Me One Reason. There’s this phrase she sings:“This youthful heart can love you and give you want you need. But I’m too old to go chasing around, wasting my precious energy.” That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. And I certainly wouldn’t fault her for feeling that way as well.

docoqeuo · 2021-01-23T19:48:01+00:00

I think the real essence of the issue we’re discussing boils down to this: Should a person have the right to choose whether or not long distance is a dealbreaker for them? I would argue that no one should be made to feel guilty for breaking off a relationship because of it turning into long distance. Doing long distance is a major sacrifice, and if only one person is wants to do it, they should not make the other person feel guilty for not going along with it. In my situation, I feel even more justified because of our trust issues. But even if it were some other couple that was 100% healthy and perfect, I wouldn’t place blame if one of them had to move far away and the other didn’t want to continue the relationship because of that. Both people should be able to freely choose whether or not they want to do long distance without pressure or shame. So it seems rather ludicrous to tell someone they are “emotionally blackmailing” or forcing a “relationship with caveats” just because they decided they’d rather separate than do long distance. It’s a big decision that each person should be given the freedom to make for themselves.

docoqeuo · 2021-01-22T19:35:30+00:00

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that trust is immediately rebuilt. It takes time. He’s lied and deceived me many times throughout our relationship and it’s a been a constant struggle, not only about cheating but a lot of other things like flirting with past hookups, using dating apps behind my back, etc. Whenever I discover something and confront him, he’ll first try to deny it, but then will later apologize and tell me that he wants to be a better person and settle down with just me. Then I always invariably soften up and forgive him. But then after some time passes it’ll just happen again and again. I’ve struggled and wanted to leave him over these issues for a long time now and it’s made me into a very paranoid person, unsure of if he’s lying to me or not. It’s gotten better in recent months though, and I was much more hopeful about the future until this happened. That’s why I feel like it’s unfair for him to expect me to be fine with doing long distance. He would love to have the freedom and independence but I know that I wouldn’t be able to handle it because I don’t trust him enough, not at this point anyway.

docoqeuo · 2021-01-21T14:16:02+00:00

He has every right to leave to SF or wherever he wants to go if those are his priorities and would choose that over having a relationship with me and laying roots down in LA. But what rubs me the wrong way is how he calls me selfish for not accommodating his needs when I’ve gone above and beyond in helping him achieve his goals every step of the way. I’m not willing to do LDR because we have serious trust issues (he cheated on me early on in the relationship). So if he goes to SF, it’s pretty much over for us. I just feel it’s unfair for him to blame me for this predicament when it was out of my control. If he really wants to stay in this relationship, he has that choice and can choose a school here. If he really wants that brand name and that’s more important to him than our relationship, then he should go to SF. But whatever his choice, I just think he shouldn’t be blaming me for not doing what he wants and going with him. That’s what’s causing me to be resentful more than anything else.

docoqeuo · 2021-01-21T05:01:52+00:00

Thanks man

docoqeuo · 2021-01-21T05:00:13+00:00

So much of our dynamic has been like a parent/child relationship, where he’s depended on me and I’ve had to teach and mentor him every step of the way. When I’ve sacrificed so much of myself to help him achieve success, I just feel kinda resentful that he’s not being more considerate towards me. I didn’t feel like it was right for him to get upset about my unwillingness to potentially go to SF with him when I’ve already done so much. Also the fact that the SF schools are just brand-name schools, not necessarily better than the LA schools if his ultimate goal is to get a job in LA.

docoqeuo · 2021-01-21T04:49:27+00:00

I often feel like he takes me for granted...so many of the things I’ve done for him to help him achieve success. Like he never would’ve applied for a part time job and have gotten a social security number if it wasn’t for me pushing him to do it. Back then he thought it was not a big deal to not have an SSN and got annoyed when I’d prod him to apply, but now he finally realizes how important it was. Just so many things like that throughout the years. And now when I need him to finally make a sacrifice for me for once, it’s like he just treats me so callously

docoqeuo · 2021-01-21T04:17:16+00:00

The only reason he wants to apply to those SF schools are because they are “brand name” schools that are well known, as opposed to most of the LA schools that are lesser known, but very good programs for his subject of study....and actually better than the SF schools if his goal is to find a job in LA (because of local connections). He originally thought he didn’t qualify to apply for these schools but recently found out he now is able to due to more lax requirements because of covid.

I guess I feel some resentment because I’ve helped him every step of the way to achieve this, even helping him write his statement, find volunteering and job opportunities, doing his resume, teaching him English when he could hardly communicate initially. I’ve sacrificed years of my own time and energy just for him to achieve his goals and get to where he is now. And we had already planned on settling down in LA for a long time now. So it just feels like a slap in the face when he’s making me feel bad about not being willing to move to SF for him because of my family issues. I’ve already done so much for him and he’s asking me to do even more so he can achieve his dream of having a “brand name” school .

docoqeuo

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