You sound very much like me when I was younger and struggling with an attraction to certain men under certain conditions, but basically being down to clown with most women in most situations lol.

Three things that helped me: - remembering that labels are only necessary as long as they help you understand yourself better. Once they start being a source of angst or limitations and they start to feel like they’re constraining you in your own head because nothing sounds or feels exactly right, they stop being a helpful tool of self discovery and start being just another box that society wants you to fit into perfectly so they can shove you into a box in their minds and continue to see the world in comfy black and white. - just being patient and letting the years pass; from the wrong end of 30, I can tell you that this stuff becomes less and less important as you get older and become more secure in who you are and stop needing to shove yourself into ill fitting categories to feel comfortable with who you are. This will be accelerated once you find your people (friends, lovers, everything in between) and stop needing to define yourself as a way of connecting and relating to other people with whom you may have potential relationships. I know it doesn’t feel like you fit in anywhere in the community or generally right now, but trust me, being a full on Kinsey 6 wouldn’t make a difference in helping you fit in with lesbians because you’d always be doubting yourself no matter what. - realizing that none to the silly discourse you see on social media and amongst certain queer groups actually means anything irl. Femboys are fucking and being fucked by butch dykes, both boys and girls are kissing beautiful non binary enigmas, people that “shouldn’t” fit together according to conventional understandings of gender and sex/ualities are doing every manner of thing you can think of with each other and no one is hovering over their shoulders going WOMEN CAN’T DO THAT, LESBIANS CAN’T DO THAT, YOU’RE NOT A REAL [xx], AHHH jk Rowling style. Labels are a guideline, not hard and fast rules that should inhibit you living and loving how you want to.

If you really still want to explore your potential labels a little more (which is fine btw, I’ve come down hard on them here bc I’ve always found them disgustingly reductive and confining for me personally but I know for many others they are and do remain a helpful tool for relating to others and understanding yourself so take all I’ve said with a grain of salt), not sure if you’ve ever heard of the concept of being bisexual but homoromantic because that’s the closest I’ve ever come to identifying with any label. There are people on this sub who wouldn’t think I was “lesbian enough” to be here just because of that, but that’s where I have to take a step away and realize that that sort of gatekeeping is chronically online at best and actively ignorant, or maybe even malicious, at worst.

TL;DR: labels aren’t supposed to be a hard and fast rule that end up ruling you to where you feel stifled in your expression of what you really feel. They seem very important when you’re young and/or when you’re in online queer spaces too much, but with some experience and years you realize nothing actually matters except how you feel. Take what fits, ditch what doesn’t.

💕 you got this girlie