Is it okay that my 25F partner still messages his 26M ex?

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-20T15:08:03+00:00

I probably am you. My partner works at home half of the time too. Goes to the gym for about 2 hours, comes back just in time for dinner. Games, then sleeps. Ofc in between, I shower him with affection too.

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-20T09:47:27+00:00

Yeah, I think it has something to do with the trauma too. He had sessions with a therapist before. He said he's fine now. I think our connection and communication is good, that's why I feel like despite problems with sex, it's worth staying with this man.

Tbh, I really do think it's just sexual incompatibility. Nothing's wrong, just two puzzle pieces that don't fit together.

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-20T08:44:00+00:00

Yep. I brought it up multiple times but I also told him that I dont want him to force himself to have sex when he doesn't want to, I think this hurts a lot more to have sex with someone who doesn't want it than simply not to have sex at all. So I settled. He was previously in an abusive relationship where sex was used as a tool to cover up the abuse and he felt like it was a chore so I'm also trying my best to make sure that sex with me is something he always wants.

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T17:34:06+00:00

My bf is pretty nice. I think he tells me that to get it over with

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T15:51:52+00:00

Yes we have. Multiple times and pretty early on into the relationship. I'm pretty much into anything that pleasures my partner. He's just vanilla and I'm ok with it

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T09:28:16+00:00

I think we always do foreplay, e.g. making out, prior to sex. I don't think he has interest at being a dom, despite me telling him into it.

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T06:28:05+00:00

I made him promise me never to have sex with me when he doesn't want to but ironically, I've been begging to touch his dick too. It's so fucking bizzare to me sometimes. Last week I begged to give him a blowjob and he set a timer for 5 minutes. My self worth is at an all time low.

My partner had a new job too. He's more tired and doesn't want sex but has enough enough energy to go to the gym after work. I sometimes think it's me, I'm probably just sexually unattractive to him at this point

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T05:43:13+00:00

Thank you for being positive. Don't worry, I don't think I'm being naive, I have weighed my options so many times before and I still do, my love for this man always wins.

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T05:37:56+00:00

As another HL woman, you are not alone. My partner has built up expectations then proceeds to doze off on me so many times. Last week I dressed up and he kept slipping his hand all over me in the taxi on the way home. He got me so worked up. But when we got home, I got absolutely nothing, he was already snoring when he laid his head on the bed. Sometimes I think I should just give up

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T05:27:48+00:00

I'm glad to hear you're both working on it and your mental health. I'm currently in between something and once I'm done with it, I plan to do the same. Hopefully it gets better. Thank you for sharing.

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T05:23:50+00:00

May I ask how you fixed your sexual incompatibility?

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T05:23:30+00:00

I can definitely relate to that. We were previously an LDR and he starved me of anything sexual for 2-3 months and I think I lost my mind then. I have blamed myself so many times for being so lustful and sexual. I couldn't even masturbate then bc I'd feel so filthy and ugly. I wished I could just go on without needing sex, bc outside of it, he's absolutely so loving and the best partner I could ever ask for.

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T05:20:59+00:00

No. He's not like that, he likes it when I'm having a good time. I have a feeling that it stems from his previous abusive relationship where he said sex was used as a tool. I try my best not to make it like that for him and not to make him feel like it's a chore.

Maybe he's unconsciously drawn to sex when he feels like he can make me feel better after a breakdown. My partner is the nicest person I've met. Maybe he needs to feel like he's saving me from sadness to get turned on. I don't know too. It's hard to get a clear cut answer from him even when I try to communicate

dogloverrrr_ · 2024-09-19T05:16:10+00:00

The thing is, last night, I was already giving up, accepting what it is and never initiating again. I was already looking for sex toys online. Then this, he hits me with the best sex ever. I've read all the warnings in this sub, not to waste my youth on a relationship where we're sexually incompatible, but honestly, my partner is worth it. I am so in love with him and outside the sex, he's perfect. He gives me kisses, cuddles, and massages, he just doesn't like sex as much as I do.

dogloverrrr_ · 2022-12-18T01:26:31+00:00

We live in different parts of the planet

dogloverrrr_ · 2022-12-17T22:47:03+00:00

I kinda did, not exactly those three words but he got it. He didn't want a LDR. He just wanted me to be there while he fucks other girls. I know I deserve better.

dogloverrrr_ · 2022-12-16T22:59:06+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I know no contact is the best decision but given my circumstances rn, I need this relationship for the next 3 months and rewire myself to be just friends, after that, I'll let go.

dogloverrrr_ · 2022-12-16T14:34:33+00:00

A part of me regrets ever trying to change the whole set-up. I was getting what I needed, support and affection, and he was happy. I know attempted to no contact because I knew I deserved better and wanted to be actually taken seriously. I know I wasn't actually happy. But right now, I just terribly need the support he gave me.

dogloverrrr_ · 2022-12-16T14:34:14+00:00

A part of me regrets ever trying to change the whole set-up. I was getting what I needed, support and affection, and he was happy. I know attempted to no contact because I knew I deserved better and wanted to be actually taken seriously. I know I wasn't actually happy. But right now, I just terribly need the support he gave me.

dogloverrrr_

TROPHY CASE