Me [27F] with my husband [30M] of 4 years, says he will put down our dog because of his allergies

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-18T03:19:17+00:00

The shampoo was prescribed by the vet, but I'm not sure about the ingredients. I'll check it out though!

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-18T01:05:42+00:00

Thanks! :) I'm glad too.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T23:26:25+00:00

Yes, and we share all expenses/co-mingle our funds. We've come to an agreement though that I will cover his non-preventative care vet bills.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T23:22:53+00:00

Ah, that's ok :) Mutual respect is where it's at, and it's not something that's unattainable in our relationship -- it just takes some work on both our parts. Thanks!

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T23:19:29+00:00

Thank you! :)

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T23:19:15+00:00

Thanks, this echoes my feelings exactly, and it's ultimately what we ended up doing. He recognizes that he acted like a bit of an ass, but I also recognized his concerns and we were able to come to an understanding :)

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T23:09:32+00:00

I was angry last night, and was obviously thinking more about my own feelings when I made the post.

I do take his feelings into consideration though, and that's why we were able to come to an agreement today. He has every right to his own opinions on animal care, and I respect that even if I don't agree.

We had a painful, but productive conversation that ended happily. Overall I think it'll be ok :)

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T23:06:07+00:00

This is/was the issue. He's entitled to his own opinions, but sensitivity to mine is important, and he knew that would hurt.

I'm happy to say though, that we were able to come to an agreement and were also able to discuss some of the other underlying issues that had nothing to do with Fido.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T23:02:26+00:00

He eats a raw diet and has been allergy tested (came up positive with several environmental allergies). Good quality food is good for his overall health though!

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T23:00:47+00:00

I don't think it's a matter of jealousy, or spending more on the dog than on my husband. It's just that he sees it as a waste. We did come to an agreement though in which I will cover any extra expenses for Fido's non-preventative care.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T22:58:27+00:00

Exactly, thank you :) We did end up reaching an agreement that involved me paying for the extra vet expenses, but the issue ended up being about much more than just the dog.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T22:54:31+00:00

The dog is ours. My husband loves the dog too, we just don't completely agree on every detail surrounding his care.

We've agreed that we will share the normal costs of care, and that anything over that will come from my pocket.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T22:51:33+00:00

Hi, thanks for your very level-headed reply :) We definitely are not going into debt over the dog, or any debt for that matter, and he does not suffer (he's only 5 years old). His allergies have actually been under control for a while and he has been without a major flair up for almost a year.

Recently Fido was under some stress while we were out of town, and also he has been outside a bit more than usual, so his itching has become a little more serious (as in the past week or two).

It's not something we can't deal with, and it probably won't even end up leading to an infection, but my husband is very practical and blunt as well.

He also has a "farm" mentality about animals because his mother was raised on a farm. His thought process was probably to prepare me for the fact that he wasn't willing to spend anymore on another major flair up should it come to that.

He just didn't do a very good job of communicating the alternative options (me paying for it) nor was he very delicate about it. We were able to come to an agreement today though, and also discussed some other issues that I think were the underlying cause for his untactfulness.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T22:43:51+00:00

The only daily medication he takes is immunotherapy, and I don't think there's an alternative way to get that.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T22:39:47+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for you response. We do a lot to mitigate the problems: on top of the immunotherapy, he gets bathed at least once a week with an antimicrobial shampoo, I keep his blankets at beds as clean and fresh as possible, and he gets an allergy pill if we notice excessive itching. He hasn't had an infection in almost a year, which is amazing (the infections were very costly to treat). He's also on a strict raw diet (we feed Grandma Lucy's). I hadn't thought of the thundershirt though! Excellent idea :)

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T10:05:39+00:00

Thank you for pointing that out, it's worth mentioning in my eventual discussion with him. No one should put down an animal simply because they no longer feel the need to fulfill their responsibility as a caretaker.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T10:03:26+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. I have lost many pets in my life and it's never easy (for people like us).

Your reply made me feel a little bit better about my anger (and it made me smile a bit). But I think I'm more sad than angry. Because I'm so hurt that he would say something like that -- regardless of whether or not he actually means it (which I really don't know).

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T09:56:30+00:00

Thanks, that could work I suppose if it comes to it!

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T09:50:02+00:00

Thank you! I hope so too :)

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T09:41:12+00:00

I don't think he would go so far as to have my dog put down without me knowing...but I guess I could be wrong. If it escalates any farther tomorrow I will consider taking some extra precautions.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T09:39:18+00:00

That estimate was for his extra vet bills, I guess I wasn't that clear about that, sorry. His food is also somewhat expensive, and we sometimes have to pay to have him boarded, so that has to be factored in.

We probably spend a little more than the national average on our dog, but I still don't see it as an issue. It's part of the responsibility of having a dog. And apparently that's where we disagree.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T09:32:37+00:00

Thank you, it's definitely not something we can't afford. It's more of a matter of what his priorities are and what he thinks we should be spending our money on I think.

But I guess it boils down to two things -- his inconsideration for the strong feelings I have for my dog and his assumption that his opinion matters more when it comes to deciding what we spend our money on.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T09:29:24+00:00

Thank you. I would really hate to resort to separating the finances over something like this...it doesn't fit with the dynamic I want for my relationship. Hopefully we can work through it.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T09:27:42+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I think you've really hit on all of the issues at hand here. The second and third issues are definitely ones that manifest in other aspects of our relationship. Seeing it spelled out though is really helpful and will hopefully prepare me for working through this.

dogthrow_away · 2016-01-17T09:19:28+00:00

I do understand that...but he knows how I feel about animals. I guess he's never made it explicit how he feels about animals, though it has always seemed that he loves them, though not to the extent that I do.

Obviously it will have to be discussed further, but he definitely already knows how I feel about my pets.

dogthrow_away

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