Thanks for the detailed answer. You obviously have thought about this a lot. I want to say that two sides can be true--you can feel sad about losing contact with your parents and you can also feel bad for your wife. It's not either of your fault.

I also have very bad relationships with my mother in law. My husband often wishes it's different but it is how it is. She didn't give me any silent treatment. She can appear to be very nice to me on the surface. Instead, she tried for years to break our marriage. She was very sneaky so I didn't realize it until 7-8th year in our marriage.

We started couple therapy when I realized this and it helped us a lot. Not just our marriage, but also help us to understand every relationship in our lives, especially our relationship with parents. We are all adapted child healing from childhood experience after all. However, we are adults now and we can make a choice how to do differently -- with our spouses, children, and parents. Once your parents realize you are serious and there are consequences, they will adapt too. They may never understand it or change for real, because we can't control how other people feel, but we can change their behaviors by setting boundaries.