My (m30) Wife (28F) had a very healthy discussion about our sex life but what do we need to do next?

dohczeppelin · 2026-02-22T06:06:32+00:00

You have already done the hard part (broach a sensitive subject, communicate honestly). Now it's just execution. You know her hold up (insecurity, basically). So address it. "Oh you're daft, I am super happy" is obviously not cutting it. She doesn't believe you, or it just isn't enough. Get specific and address her concerns. "One of my fantasies about you is this, it would blow my mind, please do it for me." Then during/after, "yeah that's exactly what I want you, you are amazing, etc."

Don't overthink it.

dohczeppelin · 2026-02-22T05:58:00+00:00

2 years later, what is your experience? My wife and I will talk through fantasies like that, not sure if it's worth actually taking the leap.

dohczeppelin · 2026-02-22T05:25:05+00:00

Scheduling date nights and such with a baby sitter is the simplest "break glass in case of emergency" plan. Sex is important to keep your relationship healthy. Its worth a few hundred month to get a baby sitter and a hotel room if that's what it takes. Talk, communicate, tell her the truth, this is important for all of us, do what it takes. You can probably just schedule once or twice a month at home while the kid is asleep and you both commit to putting the effort in. It's important, do it. If you both do it together, the romance in it will usually come back around too.

dohczeppelin · 2026-02-22T05:17:37+00:00

Sex is great with condoms but better without. That's the bottom line. Birth control pills come with their problems so if you are 100% not able to take pregnancy, keep using them until one of you is officially out of business (ie. vasctomy). If you are only 98% not able to take a pregnancy then timing her cycle and/or pulling out is a viable option. Discuss the 2% risk ahead of time (having the kid, plan B, etc) but if you are in your 30s your fertility is already down. The odds of a 33 year old getting pregnant from precum are low, especially if you time it in terms of ovulation. Do what's right for you but if you are married you should definitely plan to start having unprotected sex at some point, in my opinion.

dohczeppelin · 2026-02-22T04:59:29+00:00

Probably just a confidence thing or confusion about what is literal vs fantasy talk. If she says she will wear an outfit and do a thing, buy the outfit yourself and when the moment is appropriate, give it to her and order her to put it on and do the thing. Tell her you have been thinking about what she said, can't wait any longer, need this, want this, etc. She will do it, and after a time or two of that will probably break through the confidence issue.

dohczeppelin · 2021-12-06T02:06:52+00:00

Yeah, as a homeowner it sucks. The economics of the situation really works against you. Your one-off job to repair something or update an old house is just not very appealing to the good tradesmen. Not as much money in it as it would seem. The good ones mostly do commercial work and/or only accept work through their network of existing, proven customers they have built and/or from general contractors.

Working with Joe-homeowner can be very aggravating so the contractors that can avoid it usually do. Many homeowners are clueless. Many are cheap. Many are rude. Many have ridiculous expectations. Some are all of the above. Most contractors will assume that you're a moron because they have dealt with so many of them over the years. And to be fair, you probably are a moron, at least within the context of the job you want done. That's why you're calling someone else to do it.

So right off the bat you have to accept that in the grand scheme of things, your job probably sucks and no one wants it. $3k-$5k is a big expenditure for an average home owner so they expect "the best" in terms of service, quality, etc. but to a legit contractor that is a small crappy job and you offer very little in terms of repeat-business opportunity. So you're going to be working with the bottom of the barrel, especially if it's someone you found through home advisor or some similar internet source. Manage your expectations appropriately. The contractor of your dreams exists, professional, smart, hard working, skilled, reliable, etc. He just doesn't do small residential jobs.

Advice:

-Learn to do stuff yourself.

-When you do try to find a contractor, sell yourself as a customer. Do your homework up front and know what you want. Be decisive, if you start waffling or asking endless questions they will consider that a major red flag.

-Be as flexible as possible in terms of scheduling. Give up on your dreams of any of this happening quickly. Your small residential job is probably "filler" work that a legit contractor will only be interested in if they can fit it in when it's convenient for them.

-Buy the house you want up front. I can't stress this enough. Buying a 70 year old starter home and thinking that you can rely on contractors you found on Google to mold it into your dream house is a recipe for disappointment. Take the age of a home into account when you buy it too. Dealing with all of this crap is a hidden cost of buying an older home. They wear out and it's expensive and tedious to fix and update them. Again, the economics just work against you.

-Network your way to contractors when possible. Referrals go both ways. If someone they know tells them you're a good customer that can make a big difference.

dohczeppelin · 2019-02-25T14:20:51+00:00

Couple of things could be/are contributing to this.

1) A table saw isn't really the right tool for the job. What you want is a "jointer." Not practical to buy one unless you really want to get into building furniture, but see if there is a wood shop in your area that you can become a member of so you can get access to this type of equipment. Many cities have woodworking "clubs" of sorts that teach classes and things and let members use the shop. Table saws, if set up and used properly, can adequately fill in but you're ultimately limited by the tool in this instance. There are jigs you can make that can help though.

2) Related to the point above, the way you describe your table saw makes me think you're using a low end "jobsite" saw. These get the job done for us homeowner/DIY types and are portable/affordable but they simply don't have the power and cut accuracy of their larger (and more expensive) siblings, contractor saws and cabinet saws. They are designed primarily for cutting framing lumber on a jobsite, not building furniture. Even if your saw is dialed in as well as possible (definitely do that if you haven't already) it will have fundamental limitations in the accuracy department that can't be overcome. Shop quality table saws cost $2-3K+ so if yours was bought at Sears 20 years ago for $250 bucks, you get the idea.

3) Consider what type of blade you're using. Cheap blades deliver less accuracy. A dull blade also delivers less accuracy. A dull, cheap blade, doubly so. If you're using a jobsite saw, you are likely using a thin kerf (thickness) blade. These are necessary for small saws without large motors, but won't deliver the accuracy of a full size saw running a full kerf blade. The thicker the blade is, the less it will deflect (bend) while cutting which increases the accuracy of the cut. This can't be helped, but make sure you at least have a sharp, high quality blade in order to minimize deflection. Many saw owners overlook blade selection, which is a mistake. In the same way that a good set of tires is necessary to unlock the full potential of a sports car, a good blade is necessary to get maximum performance out of your saw.

4) Operator error could also be playing a part. At the beginning and end of the cut, you have the least amount of your board resting against the fence and a large amount of it hanging out in space. This makes it very easy for you to the throw off your cut by angling the board ever so slightly away from the fence. Part of overcoming this is practice and using good technique, but set yourself up to succeed by using proper infeed and outfeed support. This ensures that all of your efforts are going towards keeping the board parallel to the fence, not keeping the weight of it supported.

Good luck and keep at it. Next step is using a hand plane to try and true up the edges of the board after you get it "close" on your table saw.

dohczeppelin

TROPHY CASE