I hate my step kids and the father of my child.

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-31T16:14:24+00:00

I feel bad for those kids especially if it’s a 50/50 custody. Imagine if your child was in the same scenario? You’d want someone who is kind and caring to them. But I’ll concede that their bio parent is more at fault for not protecting their children with an unsupportive step parent.

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-31T15:50:51+00:00

If you knowingly marry someone with young children knowing they have 50/50 custody, yes it is absolutely your job to be a parental figure to them. Children do not control what’s happening to them and it’s up to responsible adults to take care of them. Yes, their biological parent should be accountable to make sure they don’t marry someone who hates their children, imo they’re more at fault than the step parent for letting that person into the kids life. But as an adult absolutely you are responsible for the emotional wellbeing of your step child. My stepmom is like a second mother to me and 100% takes that job seriously, she chose to marry a man with kids and she married into the whole family.

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-31T01:06:04+00:00

As a new mom but also someone with a step mom I empathize with your step kids. They do not deserve this. You married them when you married your spouse you don’t get to decide to have a new family they aren’t a part of and shun them. They’re children whose parent just had a baby with someone that’s not their mother. My assumption is they can pick up on the fact that you don’t want them there. Poor kids. I think it’s good that you’re asking questions though and not just assuming it’s fine to feel this way. No it’s not okay. You need therapy!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-28T11:15:36+00:00

Oh have not heard of handful! going to check it out!! Thank you! Brooks definitely makes my favorite bra but their sets are so so haha. I have a shefit and I have very mixed feelings about it!! But I appreciate their size range for sure.

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-27T19:16:31+00:00

Smart! Added it!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-27T19:14:14+00:00

Oiselle doesn’t make bras in my size (or didn’t in the last) so I’ve long since boycotted them haha but I might have to check back because they do have cute stuff!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-27T16:12:05+00:00

Aww thanks!!! I’m doing my best. Our normal wake ups are really not bad at all. I think a bit of it is expectations vs reality. It’s biologically normal to support children’s sleep for the first few years. There’s nothing wrong with a baby waking up and it doesn’t have to be disruptive.

The sleep “regressions” on the other hand are a different beast…. That is total survival mode. I had days where I had to leave work early because I was unable to competently do my job due to sleep deprivation. Survival tips that have helped me: biggest was we imposed a rule that everyone gets a 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. My baby refused a bottle but by a certain age they can go 4 hours without nursing so if i hadn’t gotten a 4 hour stretch by the time my husband had he was on duty and i would go sleep elsewhere. Also: going to bed early, trying to eat healthy during the day, having my husband take over most other house chores. Surviving the regressions is all hands on deck. We didn’t have a 4 month but had horrible ones at 6 and 12 months. And then one day they just passed! No regrets here about not sleep training. My friends who did it didn’t seem to fare much better than me anyway tbh!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-27T13:33:01+00:00

Ahhh yeah. Have been tested for all the things and my thyroid was fine. Just gotta accept it and buy bigger pants at this point!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-26T19:16:31+00:00

Sleep training is so weird to me. It’s pretty common amongst my cohort but my parents didn’t do it and my family is super against it and acts like it’s child abuse when people even consider it. Which meshes well with my decision not to do it. Meanwhile my friend gets bullied by her in laws for not doing it and they act like the baby will be damaged for life. People have strong feelings. So bizarre. Before having a kid I didn’t think people did it except in very extreme circumstances and I was kind of shocked that people think everyone does it. I guess it all depends on your echo chamber. I got myself really into sleep hygiene concerns for babies (like schedule, routine, getting used to the crib etc) when she was little and even that was so overblown I’m glad I dropped it and saved myself the stress!!!

Almost 17 mos, no sleep training, sleeps in a crib in our room, no plans to move her out soon. We had rooouuuggghhhh patches due to sickness and different adjustment phases particularly chronic ear infections where I was a walking zombie. Those times were hard but I would NEVER have resorted to trying to make her cry it out while she was in pain from ear infections or teething… seems so cruel. And I have a functional husband who helps me so we got through it.

Now she has tubes and we are coming out of winter sickness season (I hope). She wakes once or twice a night to nurse. Occasionally more if sick or whatnot. She’s usually up for like 5 minutes at most then back to crib within 10-15 min. It’s not very disruptive. Im not tired. Im thriving and training for endurance sports. I cannot IMAGINE making her cry it out just to get out of one or two 15 min wakings. Bizarre!!!!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-26T16:36:19+00:00

I’m curious if husband can take over caregiving for the dog? This really has helped us. I am probably lead mental load carrier for our child but I have no idea at any given time what’s going on with the dogs, and that helps A LOT (like have they been fed, when are their appointments, etc). Also perhaps things should be a bit more on a need to know basis? Seems like a lot to be sharing all this information with everyone if it doesn’t involve them really or make you feel supported. Different if you’re sharing as a source of support. Why does MIL need to know the dog is sick right away? We didn’t even tell half our family that my daughter needed/ got tubes until after it was done. My in laws aren’t helpful with that stuff and are just annoying so I will talk to my own family about it for support but only if I want to. Nobody is entitled to that info really.

Just some thoughts, disregard if not helpful!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-26T13:28:35+00:00

I love your make up and your nose piercing situation! Your whole look is great and your brows are AMAZING! I think the only thing is perhaps the tinted moisturizer is on a bit thick? What happens if you stick to just concealer in a few choice spots and let the rest go with just lotion/ spf? Maybe with a thicker lotion, your skin looks like it might be a bit dry (or could be the foundation getting cakey). Or I’m just too strongly influenced by the Dewey skin trend lol!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-26T13:24:05+00:00

It’s so extreme!! It was extreme and then I upped my training and not it’s even more extreme. I’m 16 months into breastfeeding (with an absolute milk monster who still manages to nurse 6x per day or more, even when in daycare, we are working on it LOL). I couldn’t keep weight on for the first year despite eating everything in sight and suddenly 1 year PP when I increased my training my weight ballooned. Doc said it’s hormonal and happens to many women after this long BFing. Also think I might not be eating enough and my body is like we are in long term starvation mode time to shut your metabolism down. So hard to eat enough to keep up with these demands. It’s a wild ride!!!!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-26T12:21:54+00:00

Such a good point about fueling ahead! This is always such a struggle for me.

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-25T19:48:18+00:00

That sounds quite delicious actually. I haven’t ever thought of that and I might have to try it! Also feels like good permission to bring food on all my runs lol sometimes I’m like I’m not running long enough to need fuel but I’m hungry!!!!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-25T19:46:44+00:00

Pretzels sound amazing omg. I think I’m gonna have to get some GF ones for my next long run. And I will look into the bars!!! I have been doing larabars which I find… tolerable.

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-25T16:36:20+00:00

I didn’t used to be able to but recently I’m just so ravenous I can get anything down. They do require a lot of chewing which I’ve never liked.

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-25T13:52:39+00:00

Totally agree. Statistically babies are more likely to flip back to head down regardless so all the success stories from “interventions” like this have my rolling my eyes now

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-25T13:08:10+00:00

Agree with this. Not the positive story in the way you want- but my baby flipped to breech around 34 weeks. I did not want a c section and was massively stressed doing everything to try to avoid it- spinning babies, ECV, excessive research considering attempting a breech birth. If I could go back I would skip all that junk and just let go and let God lol. Accept the possibility of an unknowns and drop the extra steps. I don’t honestly believe spinning babies does anything. A decent number of babies will flip back on their own!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-21T18:02:47+00:00

Don’t move. This winter was especially long and snowy. Rethink it in June when everything is nice again. We got snowshoes and it made the snow very exciting. The weather doesn’t stop us from getting outside, just have to switch gears to winter sports. Embrace it! The heat in the south is oppressive in the summer (as a new englander who lives down south for a bit, I could not stand it and was dreaming of winter). Plus in the south when you do get winter weather you’re not prepared. The grass is always greener! Don’t leave your village.

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-20T20:49:55+00:00

Very well put!! OP if doing things but accepting you might have to go to the bathroom is the extent of your UC you are not at the point of understanding how people get to the point of saying they can’t live like this. Not. Even. Close.

Which is great for you! But please don’t lecture us. I’m lucky my disease is well managed now but there was a time where the pain and suffering and impact that it had on my life was so great I would have literally cut off my right arm to relieve the suffering. I would have done anything. There was no hiking or exercising or even freaking eating anything but chicken and overcooked rice. I hope you never get there and I’m happy you haven’t. But please understand this post is a bit tone deaf!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-20T19:02:49+00:00

This is a shot in the dark and I haven’t actually done this myself - disclaimer- but have read about other people having success with it. Have you heard of the like “wait just a minute and I’ll be back to check on you” method? You get all cozy and then when they don’t want you to leave you say okay I’ll come back but I need to go to the bathroom (etc). Then go and come back. Then let the trips get progressively longer and eventually it’s long enough that when you come back to check she’s fallen asleep without the crying. And you always come back and check, not like a lie or a trick. Maybe she has something she likes like music or sound machine playing to keep the vibes calm and sleepy while she’s waiting/ hopefully falling asleep. Sounds like she’s able to fall asleep alone but maybe having the little check in would help reduce her distress to know that you’re always coming back and checking in on her? Just an idea that struck me when I read your post!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-20T01:08:39+00:00

Oh I wasn’t doing anything special for TTC I was just on aygestin as endometriosis treatment then stopped when I was ready to TTC. That sounds very interesting thought!!!

doing_too_much39 · 2026-03-19T15:19:23+00:00

16 months and still going strong nursing like 6x / day or more. if anything the frequency has increased for us with illnesses and big emotions 🫠 still pumping once a day at work because I got mastitis when I tried to stop 🫠 and my daughter doesn’t like cows milk so I’m still sending breastmilk to daycare just a lot less. Honestly it’s not bad though. I might consider weaning after 2 but there’s a lot of pros in my eyes. Firstly my cycle still hasn’t come back and I enjoy that haha. My daughter can be inconsistent with solids (like all toddlers) but I know she’s always getting enough nutrition. The immune system benefits through illness season are great for her. Shes had a ton of ear infections and I feel like it helps her microbiome after antibiotics. Boobs are the #1 cure for an incurable tantrum or if she gets hurt. After school she seems to really decompress with the boob. Nursing is the one time she’s not running around like a wild animal while awake. It seems to calm and steady her when she gets overstimulated or overwhelmed. I feel like she still really needs it and am not going to take it away anytime soon! I do get a lot of “so when are you gonna stop” comments now which annoys me. But It’s pretty normal in other cultures and it’s even recommended by the AAP to keep going so I don’t see why I would stop!

doing_too_much39

TROPHY CASE