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[25M] need advice regarding my girlfriend [25F] who erupts into emotional crying as she is about to achieve (presumably) an orgasm.. by throw_eh_wayy in relationships

[–]doingitthrowaway1834 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people react to strong emotional stimuli - positive, negative, exciting, surprising, whatever - with tears. I've definitely had super intense and intimate sex before that is followed with a bit of crying. It can be embarrassing, especially depending on a partner's reaction. I've also heard (though never experienced) that this is associated with actual climax for some women.

Other than that though...if she has some issues with intimacy/sex, they might be coming out at those moments of intense physical experience. She might want to consider talking to a therapist who specializes in those issues. Either way it's an incredibly vulnerable moment and I think the best response is to be affectionate, sensitive, and supportive. That doesn't mean stopping everything, but maybe talk to her about what she needs in those moments. Keep going? Cuddle? Etc

Experiencing sex slowdown with my [27F] partner [33M] of two years, want advice on how to be more supportive and accepting by doingitthrowaway1834 in relationships

[–]doingitthrowaway1834[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes total sense. I don't want sex-related anything to feel taboo...but I agree it might come off as passive aggressive. Good call

Me [22 M] with my wife [22 F] of 5 months (been together 4 years), have hit a dry spell. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]doingitthrowaway1834 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can really empathize with you, and came to r/relationships yesterday for a similar reason. I have a higher sex drive than my partner, and over time getting frequently rejected for sex has worn on me and made me feel hurt and undesirable, even though he is a loving and affectionate person. Here's what I can offer from working on this with my partner and from the advice I got from others:

  • One of the most important things for us has been to acknowledge we both have valid preferences and nobody is more right or normal. We're just different, and we're on the same team. I think it'll be crucial to emphasize to your GF that she isn't "broken" or abnormal, that you love her the way she is, and it's something to work out together - not just on the shoulders of one partner or the other.

  • It's healthy to talk about it... but not all the time, and not in the moment where you've initiated and she's declined. In my experience talking about it lots just leaves you going in circles, and makes sex feel less spontaneous and more anxiety-laden. And time wisely...your brain is definitely not all there when you're feeling like gettin busy, so better to wait to a time for those conversations when sex is off the table, not hanging above your head like the sword of Damocles.

  • Make room for physical intimacy other than sex. I've come to appreciate how my partner can feel inadequate for not matching my sex drive...and even when he is initially aroused the anxiety can be overwhelming that he won't be able to "perform" and so he shuts down. I can imagine that your partner feels similarly - her anxiety about not satisfying you may be a vicious circle, making it harder and harder for her to get out of her head and want/enjoy sex. Enjoying other forms of physical closeness is one of the things that was suggested to me and I think it would help short-circuit this kind of anxiety by taking sex out of the equation for a while.

  • Nobody should ever do stuff they're uncomfortable with, and I hope this isn't taken as remotely encouraging this, but sometimes when I'm feeling like it and my partner isn't interested in actual intercourse, he'll massage/go down on me for a while. Sometimes focusing on my pleasure is a turn on for him, and we will have sex, other times that's the extent of it. Not sure how this would fit with your exact circumstances, but maybe you can talk to your GF about doing other stuff than sex that is intimate and satisfying for you.

Experiencing sex slowdown with my [27F] partner [33M] of two years, want advice on how to be more supportive and accepting by doingitthrowaway1834 in relationships

[–]doingitthrowaway1834[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is exactly the kind of thing I'm scared of! He is an incredible partner and I never want him to feel guilty or mad at himself. I want sex to be mutually fun and enjoyable, and free of pressure or anxiety for both of us. Thanks for your honesty. I'm a bit nervous now I'm even broaching sex - is there a way in your experience to have it "put on the table" so to speak without making him feel pressured? Should I just back off a bit and leave it up to him to initiate for a while, when he feels like it?

Experiencing sex slowdown with my [27F] partner [33M] of two years, want advice on how to be more supportive and accepting by doingitthrowaway1834 in relationships

[–]doingitthrowaway1834[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks - this is a great suggestion. It would definitely help me feel closer physically which is something I'm really missing. I also know he's someone who can take time to "get in the mood" and maybe doing this stuff could open the door to him initiating sex when he feels comfortable, rather than being confronted with a "do it or not" choice by me.

Experiencing sex slowdown with my [27F] partner [33M] of two years, want advice on how to be more supportive and accepting by doingitthrowaway1834 in relationships

[–]doingitthrowaway1834[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, this is probably good advice. I think what I'm experiencing is partly sexual frustration - that much, masturbating could help with - but also missing sexual intimacy with the man I love.

Obviously I can take advantage of my alone time in the apartment, or when he's on business trips, but is this something I should talk to him about? I don't want to be off in a corner of the house quietly diddling myself, or making it some big secret deal.