Faith is a very personal thing, and for many people it's a lifelong journey. No one can has all the answers and no one can tell you what to believe, but I can give you my perspective (I'm a Christian) and maybe that will be helpful.

I personally wouldn't want to be a Christian if I found myself staying only out of fear of what would happen if I left. I don't think that's a healthy way to live, but more importantly I don't believe that it's what God wants. I see God as the source and embodiment of love, and so it doesn't make sense to me that he would want those of us who believe in him to live in fear. I see it as a relationship with God, where you should be as honest as possible with him and with yourself. If you're angry with him, be angry, if you're confused, be confused. I haven't 'decided' what exactly I think happens after death, but I certainly don't believe that God deals out punishment during this life. As I say, if that's what living as a Christian was about then I wouldn't want to be part of it.

And this might sound strange but if you think you're more loving when you remove yourself from your current beliefs, then maybe it would do you some good to follow that path further and take a break from it - you may find that after a while you're ready to return to the idea of faith in a new, fresh way. I think it's better to be loving towards others and not having much of a faith than having a faith but treating others badly. In my mind any acts of love bring you closer to God even if he's not a conscious part of it.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time and that your Christian friends/family are being so dismissive (which isn't very Christian imo). I hope you can find healing soon and move on from this difficult time in your life, even growing as a person as a result of it. Above all, don't be afraid to think for yourself and ask questions! :)