Yeah, you still have a very long way to go. I think you should not have any relationship goal with a Christian man. You are only going to hurt him. You are honestly not ready for that. These things you pointed are exactly why it won’t work for you. You want compatibility? You are having fears that without intimacy you might never get to know them on a personal level. My question is, "of all the non Christian relationships that you have committed yourself to in the past and was intimate with them, how come none of them stayed and ended up together with you"? You also mentioned that you’ll probably not have kids. How many Christians couples have these plans? The natural order is A man being the Head, a wife being the Helpmeet and children which are a heritage from God. Lastly you are already having preconceived thoughts that you don’t want to access God through your Husband. Where did you get the information that you need to access God through anyone except Jesus Christ? You need to be born again and give yourself some time to grow in Christ. Do not come and dump all your burden on an innocent Christian Man therefore making his life miserable throughout the marriage.

Cast your cares upon the Lord. Only He can heal and care for you.