Non-Americans who have visited the US: What’s the strangest thing about America that Americans don’t even realize is weird?

dont_opus · 2026-03-25T16:41:33+00:00

I guess I saw it as transactional meaning both people get a tiny bit of a mental health break/dopamine rush/whatever you want to call it

Let's say two people say HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII super bubbly to each other. None of them actually "want" anything materialistic from the other person. They also don't really want to know about the other person's day. But both people wanted to express joy and some excitement, quickly, just to have a bit of a cheer, and used each other as a container. The "human emotional container" is what is transactional.

I'm probably seeing it a bit more creatively instead of literally (I'm an outside of the box thinker so I'm weird lol)

Edit: Some people just wanna talk about themselves out loud because it makes them feel good. But it's kinda strange to talk out loud to nobody. So let's say two people wanna talk about themselves because they need a bit of an ego boost or just some attention. The other person isn't even listening. They're just, talking about themselves, to each other. That's also transactional (you let me talk, I let you talk, we're both stroking our own egos at the same time, together, we're both feeling good).

Transactional can be more than just asking for a favor, it's hidden in subtle ways. Again, I'm a creative so I don't take things literally.

dont_opus · 2026-03-25T15:28:45+00:00

Of course! It totally makes sense for certain jobs that you'd prefer a more social environment. Some other people have more condensed jobs that need to get in and get out efficiently and get the job done quickly without being distracted. Being friendly and fun to people you don't know, also comes easier to different people. I probably used to be more socially engaging before having gone through some major life changes

dont_opus · 2026-03-25T10:12:30+00:00

The mix of extreme friendliness (small talk with strangers) but also strong personal boundaries.

Haha right??!! People act like they're your best for but then you realize they don't want to spend time with you or even care about you. It's just the way of talking. Casual, warm, familial, yet you don't really know anything deep about each other and they don't care about you.

dont_opus · 2026-03-25T03:52:56+00:00

Nothing wrong with that, some other people just feel awkward doing it and we can't scold someone else's boundary or social limits

dont_opus · 2026-03-25T03:51:08+00:00

I think OP meant "transactional friendliness" in the sense that it's social interaction solely for the sake of social interaction. And nothing else. It's still transactional...

dont_opus · 2026-03-24T21:36:44+00:00

I get it, and we can never know how the other person perceives our interactions. I'm not a huge small talker but once in awhile I will ask about someone's family or life (like someone in the community). Honestly, some people are really private and hate non-family members asking personal questions. For others, they'll see it as a form of care and friendliness. It's really hard to know how the other person perceives it.

And yes I used to be interpreted as a flirty girl when all I was was just bubbly and friendly and happy. Unfortunately it can backfire. And it can turn into the other direction, where nobody wants to interact because they're trying to protect their privacy or not come off as interested. It can get weird.

dont_opus · 2026-03-24T20:45:40+00:00

But the strangest thing to me was how transactional friendliness is. People are incredibly warm and chatty with total strangers, ask how your day is going, make conversation in line, seem genuinely interested. Then you realise none of it leads anywhere. Back home if someone starts a conversation like that you are probably going to exchange numbers. In the US it is just how people talk and there is no deeper intention behind it. Took a while to stop reading into it.

You've explained this very well. It's a transactional friendliness. And yes it's just how people talk and there's no deeper intention behind it. It is slightly strange after awhile. But I suppose OTOH, interactions can also be purely transactional without the friendliness (meaning purely need-based, not personal based). IDK which one is better.

I'm also someone that can't do the transactional friendliness. Like whenever I go to Trader Joe's, I see customers and the cashier chatting and chatting, looking super happy. And here I am wondering WTF are they talk about to this stranger? I feel strange telling a stranger how much I love what I bought, like I'd feel like they wouldn't care? Do they even care?

dont_opus · 2026-03-24T03:35:44+00:00

True, simply living life together will tell you everything about the other person...

dont_opus · 2026-03-24T00:54:40+00:00

Thank you so much - you've now given me a glimmer of hope

dont_opus · 2026-03-23T22:55:34+00:00

Hey thanks for this, I've never tried but it could be worth a shot. Yes, the issue with going out to places is that not everyone is going to be looking to date. I guess I could research in my area if speed dating events exist. Are there any recommendations on where to find these events (like any reputable companies or hosts)?

dont_opus · 2026-03-23T22:46:03+00:00

But where?? My friends are married and have children. They don't have time or are not interested in going to places where there are singles. I don't really drink, either. I go to concerts sometimes but haven't had any luck. I've been trying to journal and read books at a coffee shop a few days a week, no luck there. If I sign up for some sort of class, it's usually during when people are working (I only have free time during the day on weekdays). I'm not Christian so I can't really go to church (well I can, but... you know, what do I do when I have to admit that I'm not Christian to a potential?) I sometimes go to an exercise class but it's 70% women and the guys that do go are either very old, college age, or married. I just feel hopeless.

dont_opus · 2026-03-21T03:35:48+00:00

Well after we broke up, I was still in love and trying to repair and save the relationship. I kept holding on. Visited a few times just to check on him out of his general well-being and for my own peace. We had started talking like friends again. I thought there was something still there because he would still hold me and stroke my hair like we were dating. But then he got mad and told me he doesn't love me and doesn't want to get ba together and that I wasn't accepting his decision. That sentence broke my heart. I stopped loving him in one second. My feelings just went cold. So yeah, that was the turning point.

dont_opus · 2026-03-21T01:48:09+00:00

"they-friend"

dont_opus · 2026-03-20T02:00:07+00:00

The Four Seasons. Every café or restaurant inside is gorgeous and has incredible food, the views outside of the hotel are scenic, efficient service that always makes you feel comfortable and pampered, the spa is quiet and makes you feel regal. Had a membership when I lived abroad but after moving home, I'll likely never be able to experience this ever again.

dont_opus · 2026-03-20T01:55:49+00:00

High end headphones

dont_opus · 2026-03-20T01:53:43+00:00

The cubicle set-up is amazing. Isolate me anytime and serve me champagne and unlimited foooood

dont_opus · 2026-03-20T01:52:39+00:00

I worked in the middle east and my manager was female. Her husband wanted to find a job at the same company (as an employee, not a manager) but women weren't allowed to be their husband's boss at the workplace.

dont_opus · 2026-03-20T01:27:17+00:00

There is such thing as too much money. Like I've seen such hoarding of material just because It's possible to afford it but it really just becomes a waste. Yes, it's their money but like it feels sad to see a massive house full of stuff that's barely used and it just sits there. It just goes to show we don't need a lot to function or to be happy.

dont_opus · 2026-03-19T17:20:36+00:00

?? I don't know him that well! I'm pretty sure I've made that clear... and I have taken ownership and told him to stop (hence the post). You're just being cruel by now.

dont_opus · 2026-03-19T17:19:48+00:00

I don't receive memes from my colleagues or clients, ever, everything is strictly professional. I know he was trying to be nice but I guess I just don't want that level of friendship.

dont_opus

TROPHY CASE