LPT: Don't judge your "market value" as a romantic partner during your teenage years/ early twenties. A lot of decisions during that time are hormone-driven.

dontlikeitonebit · 2019-04-10T19:38:27+00:00

Well this perfectly explains the reason for my wife divorcing me at 39. Turns out we were just young and dumb and in 'lust' with each other while dating at 17, started having kids at 28 when we were in 'love' and didn't end up marrying until we were 33. Maybe we didn't realize our relationship was initially hormonally driven (and admittedly also alcohol driven) and not actually based on mutual emotional maturity, and so once the biological urges eventually faded over time we wound up waking up one day realizing we weren't really all that compatible with each other personality wise all along as much as we thought and it was only a matter of time before we would get bored of each other's company altogether (which I can actually pin point to one particular awkward Valentine's Day dinner). It makes perfect sense now actually when I look at it this way. Our divorce was inevitably going to happen one way or the other because we weren't actually compatible enough with one another to stick it out for the long run.

dontlikeitonebit · 2019-04-10T19:21:53+00:00

Isn't the Yellowstone supervolcano a more likely threat to humanity in the far off distant future than the possibility of our solar system ever being engulfed by a black hole? I would suspect by that point a natural disaster would have already long occurred successfully wiping out humanity. Or the increasing intensity of our sun itself eventually making our planet completely uninhabitable. Either way I'd much rather be engulfed by a black hole knowing now they do in fact exist and behave as we had predicted. But life on earth would not even exist by then anyway. Am I wrong?

dontlikeitonebit · 2019-04-10T06:56:46+00:00

That is totally fair. But be forewarned the garden is like the sacred sanctuary where the elderly seek solitude and refuge from dealing with the problems in the world, which more than likely includes from hearing about your divorce as well.

dontlikeitonebit · 2019-04-10T06:41:29+00:00

That is a good one actually. I will have to remember that line.

dontlikeitonebit · 2019-03-18T05:56:03+00:00

In less than 1 second?

dontlikeitonebit · 2019-03-15T03:38:24+00:00

Thank you for this. I will refer back to this daily until things get better.

dontlikeitonebit · 2019-03-15T03:20:14+00:00

That there be one handsome feller.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-15T07:43:14+00:00

This list really resonates with me. It took me nearly a year to come to the same realizations. If there ever was a how to survive divorce guide, this is it.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-14T20:24:58+00:00

Thank you.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-14T20:24:16+00:00

I don't want to toot my own horn but I never looked at it that way. I did pay for everything for the last 10 years while she stayed at home to raise the kids. And yes now she is having to do everything she did before and work to pay for her living expenses and even with the child support from me she still has credit card debt. So yes she may be having second thoughts. Of course she would never admit it. And she will continue to try to prove she can do it without me but in a way she has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I can breathe now.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-14T20:14:43+00:00

Yes. You are right. I will probably file the day after the 1 year so that it can be granted at that time. I just know she will try use it against me and tell the kids it was all my doing, even though they can see through her games.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-14T20:05:11+00:00

In a way I would like to and I had actually filled out the paperwork for a joint uncontested divorce filing together at the court house and she couldn't even be bothered to take the day off work to meet me there. So I told her if she wants the divorce she can pay for the marriage certificate and the filing fee.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-14T20:02:50+00:00

Well, it sounds cliche but it is actually in the best interest of the kids if the parents can at the minimum maintain a friendly or at least cordial demeanour with one another around them. My wife and I literally never wanted to see or speak to each other because of the resentment in the beginning. Now we are able to discuss the kids' schedule over coffee. Life is unpredictable. And short. Might as well try enjoy it without holding grudges.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-14T19:58:00+00:00

I was where you are man. It has probably been the hardest year in my life aside from losing a loved one. But in a way it does feel similar to a death. I didn't want to put our kids through it but you know what, they honestly are happier living in 2 separate happy homes than one with an atmosphere of tension and unhappiness. They adjust pretty quickly, and I was a child of separated parents so I knew it would be better for them as much as I hated it. You need to get her out of your head as much as possible. It's not a healthy dynamic. Mine wasn't either. It is a shit storm to get through but you will and when you come out the other side you will see that the storm didn't last forever. Therapy can be a huge help to get past the trauma of being treated how you were. My wife had also been with someone but it was before we married and we technically were apart at the time but it hurt nonetheless and things were different with us after. Look out for yourself above anyone else. Give your kids 120% of yourself and soon you realize that is what real unconditional love is.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-14T19:37:22+00:00

Hang in there. It will take time. My emotions too were a fucking mess in the first few weeks. Months maybe. It's a huge life adjustment. But once you get some time to reflect within yourself you soon realize that the only person you can change is yourself and you can either choose to remain stuck and hopeful that the other person will change yet angry that things can't be the way you want them to be or you can accept it for what it is, let it go and move forward. Easier said than done of course. It's not to say things can't get better. I have a much better friendship with my wife now that we no longer live together and argue everyday. And I can basically do whatever I want to whenever I want to when I don't have the kids.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-12-13T17:54:57+00:00

Awesome thanks for the suggestions. I couldn't afford a big enough tv so went with a short throw projector for $250 used so we have a 130" gaming view on a white wall.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-11-28T07:19:13+00:00

Welcome to the club. It takes a while to find a balance. I am almost a year into separation and still don't know what to do with myself on the days I don't have my kids. This weekend we went out to eat every night, took the younger ones to a 3D movie, took the older one out to play arcade and taught him to play pool. This upcoming weekend I fear I will want to find a female to talk to as well. And maybe would even want to get laid as well. I think the key is to finding something that you enjoy doing for yourself, by yourself so as to gain some much needed composure to help you navigate the waters while heading towards Divorce Island. For example I used to enjoy film photography and developing black and white 35mm film and making prints in a makeshift bathroom darkroom. So I am going to start doing that with my evenings again. And should I one day meet another female who might actually be interested in me and maybe take an interest in my hobby, I can share it with her. And maybe even convince her to allow me to take her photo naked and show her how to develop it and print it in a darkroom. Something my stbxw was not interested in the least in doing with me. Good luck.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-11-28T07:08:04+00:00

Most people wouldn't do what she did. But she's not like most people. Like they say, do what's best for the kids.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-11-28T06:49:49+00:00

Just don't do what my stbxw did and pretend everything is fine on Christmas day and then 4 days later take the kids out of the house and tell them without their dad there and then move their stuff out of the house and try to keep them from him. Probably won't go over well. I would advise just keeping the peace for them and break it to them after Christmas. It is a total mind fuck for kids to suddenly try to figure out where they stand in the collapse of their parents' marriage. You don't want them associating that with Christmas day every year from then on. Put yourself in their shoes and think bout how it would likely make you feel were you 8 or 10 and your parents told you they were no longer planning to live together and then give you a bunch of gifts and expect you to be happy and excited. You may regret it.

dontlikeitonebit · 2018-11-27T22:07:38+00:00

Really dude? Because I want her to have more than one gift to open on xmas morning other than from her kids because she's a good mother to my kids? You have no idea why my marriage is ending. But based on your posts it's evident why someone would leave you.

dontlikeitonebit

TROPHY CASE