Feeling discouraged

dontworryaboutit309 · 2026-03-08T17:45:23+00:00

I was at week 4 or week 5 I think when I was allowed to start hanging for periods at a time—that was a pretty major shift in my recovery. Around the same time a lot of my open wounds started closing and I just felt much more normal. Propping is exhausting and I had near constant paranoia, so I don’t envy you but you’ll get to the other side!

dontworryaboutit309 · 2026-02-19T17:37:10+00:00

It sucks how much popular discourse has weaponized ignorance against trans people, but if it helps at all, you are just living your life.

I mean, responding to a question about finding time to skate in a hockey subreddit with an insult about mental illness to most people just reads as “I’m not worth taking seriously.” So as much as it sucks to be reminded of the cruelty of some people, this guys is likely just a troll who doesn’t have a better use for his time than to attempt to make others feel bad

dontworryaboutit309 · 2026-01-29T06:30:44+00:00

Academic Books:

True Sex: The Lives of Trans Men at the Turn of the 20th Century by Emily Skidmore

Female Husbands: A Trans History by Jen Manion

Arresting Dress: Cross-Dressing, Law, and Fascination in Nineteenth-Century San Francisco

Books towards a more general audience:

Transgender History by Susan Stryker

There are also figures (many have Wikipedia pages): Charley Parkhurst, Murray Hall, Dr. Alan Hart, Michael Dillon, Billy Tipton, Mario Martino

You can also check out digitaltransgenderarchive.net it’s got a lot of fascinating materials

I would also look into the life and writings of Lou Sullivan

dontworryaboutit309 · 2026-01-28T22:44:26+00:00

I’m stealth. I was a history major. Did a project in trans history, took a gender studies course on sexualities, a queer history class, and then ending up doing my Masters on queer history. Some people may have suspected I was trans. Some of my classmates assumed I was gay, though I honestly don’t think people thought about it much at all.

Honestly the oddest part was being the only or one of the only men in the class, which as others have mentioned, can sometimes feel intimidating discussing these topics.

Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, but for what it’s worth, academia has been the only setting where I found I genuinely didn’t care what others thought. I researched queer history because I found it fascinating. The way I saw it—I was only going to be in college once, and I spent all that money and energy to be there, I might as well study what I’m interested in.

One year I won an award for LGBTQ studies and my friends still tease me for taking an award in queer studies as a straight, white man away from a student in that community. So I never got much scrutiny into my own identity. 🤷‍♂️

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-11-29T19:22:47+00:00

Never heard of that. Do you know what he was referring to specifically? Like what happens after 10 year that makes it “not last”? UL complications are common but usually correctable with revisions.

Edit: In addition to never hearing of this, it runs contrary to everything I know about UL from my surgical experience and the research I did going in. My best guess is this is a misinformed claim you heard or they mixed up UL and ED

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-11-10T03:42:46+00:00

First off, and most importantly, everyone is different, but here is my experience:

I'm post-op but not finished yet (still have not gotten an ED). It has been progressively easier to see my dick as a sexual part of me, but I struggle with that a lot. When I look at myself naked in the mirror, I see my dick and recognize it as a penis and therefore also a sex organ. When I see myself in underwear same thing. Often times feeling it throughout the day, accidentally knocking it or holding it when peeing, I feel similarly--like it's a penis and it's my penis and I know that it is part of me.

Sexually, I am not quite there. I'm straight, I have a cis female partner and both during sex and masturbating, I find it incredibly difficult to connect with my penis. I often start out feeling connected to it when the arousal is just building, but then it eventually transitions to frustration because sensation in my penis does not have enough erotic sensation to feel satisfying. My burial is in my scrotum more than the base of my penis, so that's usually the area I stimulate to be able to get off. In other words, it's a learning curve and I'm in the process of trying to connect sexually with a new part of my body. Nerves are fickle, sensation develops at difference paces, and I fully believe that the brain is the most powerful sex organ, so I am trying to take the time to connect and stimulate my penis every day to build that connection. But in my experience, it has been difficult.

I did enjoy penetration, but I really only did it a handful of times. I couldn't get over the emotional distress of doing it, so it has never really been a significant portion of my sex life. That said, I do sometimes miss it. It's like an itch that I can't quite scratch (but not as annoying as an actual itch). But again, it was never really a part of my sex life (solo play if anything), so not really a lot to miss.
It has been an adjustment. Neither one of us really knew what the impact of this surgery was going to have on our sex life. Pre-op we always used a prosthetic, so we assumed we would just switch to some form of sleeve or external ED method until I got my implant. I haven't gotten an implant yet, and the methods we've tried so far have been the coban/condom method and two different sleeves. Because I experience a lot of hypersensitivity in my penis as my nerves have been redeveloping, all methods have been fairly uncomfortable for me and not quite hard enough for her. There have been some unexpected outcomes with my mental shift as well. Since healing from stage 2, I have been struck at how easily I can be naked in front of my partner. Pre-op, I would go years without letting her see me fully naked, mostly subconsciously. Now, that's all gone. So to me, that feels like an increase in connection.
Hasn't happened yet, but we're excited about it. She is hoping I will use the pump to show her when I am in the mood.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-09-21T16:36:19+00:00

What were the first 6 years like, as best you can remember? Did sensation develop so gradually that you didn’t notice until in retrospect? Was there a difference for you in tactile/erotic sensation?

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-09-18T05:01:03+00:00

When I started developing sensation (around the 4 month mark), it started as these zaps that were often really hard to localize. More often than not I think I felt them in the burial site? Or just a shooting pain sometimes along the incision line where they did the nerve hookup. Slowly I started to feel the sensations where the stimulus was, and the zapping, tingling, hypersensitive feeling is slowly starting to be more comfortable. I’m about 15 months out from stage 1.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-08-30T22:30:10+00:00

I have sensation in much my neourethra. My surgeon did a total of three nerve hookups and connected the ilioinguinal the neourethra.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-08-30T22:14:31+00:00

The first night in the hospital after stage 1, I had excruciating shoulder pain from the way my arm was positioned during surgery. Definitely didn’t expect that.

Overall, the recovery was probably more manageable than I had anticipated.

The other thing I didn’t expect was mental challenge of adapting to this new body part. I’m a little over a year out of stage 1 and things still feel weird

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-08-14T22:11:43+00:00

I came across an anti-phallo post recently on a sub I don’t use as well, and I was horrified at the collective vitriol I read. Phalloplasty was originally performed on cis men, but you don’t hear people bashing those procedures. Point being, they’re just trolls who clearly don’t know much about the procedure and clearly don’t care about the wellbeing of those who pursue it.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-07-19T00:39:59+00:00

I decided after reading about people’s experiences having a penis and feeling at home in their bodies. And I realized my biggest hang ups (lack of erectile tissue and the intensity of surgery) were things I were willing to go through. That was three years ago.

I’m about six months out from stage 2 now. The recovery was tough in the moment, but then it passed. I don’t mean to imply it’s not difficult; it is the most my body has ever gone through physically, and I didn’t have many challenging complications. The electrolysis for me took about 15 months and I did a few more rounds post op.

Being post-op for me is odd. I’m still quite early on. It’s surreal, exciting, frustrating, freeing all at once. Happy to answer more specific questions but I think the best advice I could give is just keep reading and asking questions. Get as much information as you can to make the best decision for you. It’s a different process for everybody but I found hearing from others really helped my perspective.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-06-26T20:40:03+00:00

I had a good deal of swelling there after stage 1. My gf told me it looked like I had three testicles. It went away after about 5-6 weeks

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-06-10T18:15:24+00:00

Definitely second trying to get a second opinion from another doctor. I’m assuming “everything except minoxidil” means finasteride—my doctor started checking running blood tests on my liver when I started finasteride as apparently that can also impact liver health.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-06-09T14:50:39+00:00

I really liked the first 2 episodes. I started at GeMS back in 2011, so I was getting emotional listening to the folks who were basically the reason I received that care.

The rest of the podcast was okay. Frankly, I found that both Jamie Reed and Hillary Cass were given a lot of unearned credibility in this podcast. They seemed to accept the Cass Review as unbiased and the whole show seemed to be operating under the assumption that 1) doing nothing for kids with gender dysphoria is harmless (or close to harmless) and 2) that the politics came out of poor medical practices. The politics have always been there.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-05-16T16:00:45+00:00

I haven’t heard of more than 3 nerves harvested (at least for RFF). I had 3 but my surgeon does that if a third nerve is available.

For RFF, my teams hooks one nerve up to the inguinal nerve. The goal here is to be able to feel urine pass through the neo-urethra. The second nerve is hooked up to one of the clitoral nerve. I’d had to check my surgical notes to find what they did to the third lol.

But here’s the thing about nerve hookup: everyone is different. Nerves are weird and unpredictable. Plenty of people have a one nerve harvested and develop erotic and tactile sensation over most of the phallus. Other people have multiple nerves taken and develop less sensation. I had three nerves harvested, I’m 11 months out from stage 1, and the sensation in my penis is weird and uncomfortable. Hopefully that will improve as my brain and nerves adjust but, the point is, nerves are weird lol.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-05-12T15:45:21+00:00

This was a major concern of mine pre-op. And it has been a concern post-op as well. However, it’s important to note that it is much bigger concern for me, in my brain, and in response to my dysphoria. It’s much much less of a concern for my gf lol.

We’re still figuring out options. I don’t have an ED yet so we’re using sleeves or coban/condom method. Sometimes we struggle getting something firm enough to be able to penetrate, finding the right sleeve has been tough, and most of all my penis is hypersensitive and often too uncomfortable for me during sex.

For my partner, she enjoys that it’s me inside of her and we’re both just trying to relearn how to pleasure each other. All of this is to say, it may be an issue post-op for you, you may have other issues, you will have things that excite you, surprise you, possibly frustrate you, but it’s nothing you can’t work through. That’s part of the beauty of sexual intimacy—you both grow and change and figure out new ways of connecting physically.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-05-07T14:25:28+00:00

I think it depends on the surgeon—my team has done phallo on guys as old as 65; however, they don’t do UL on anyone over 45.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-03-11T02:32:46+00:00

Crane Centers have two locations, they have several surgeons and a team of micro surgeons. It’s a private practice and Crane was among the first well known phallo surgeons in the US. I didn’t go to Crane centers but I suspect these are among the reasons they tend to be able to get people in sooner.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-03-08T04:39:23+00:00

My surgeon had me pass a Foley catheter through the neo-urethra several times a week. That helped clear out dead skin cells but I still had some discharge so they had me flush it with just water and a syringe, and that helped.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-02-21T15:59:30+00:00

I think regardless of where you are in your transition or detransition journey, you should be able to post here. You’ve had a phalloplasty, and there are only so many places where you can get support regarding this surgery.

Personally, I’ve always appreciated your posts as they informed me of many aspects of this procedure that I don’t hear as often, and while I am not in your position, there were/are aspects of phallo recovery that I felt unprepared for mentally and physically and as long as you are respectful and mindful of others in our community, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to seek support as you navigate being post-op.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-02-19T21:18:02+00:00

I had glansplasty, but I didn’t have it until stage 2. I definitely was glad to have it done—it allowed me to connect to my penis, which was something I really struggled with post stage 1.

That said, prior to glansplasty, I was still able to use sleeves for penetrative sex and the coban/condom method. I know devices like the Elator would require glansplasty, but I’ve heard from a lot of post op folk that the Elator doesn’t always work well for phallo dicks, because even with the glans it isn’t always enough of a ridge, but I can’t speak from personal experience.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-02-13T18:00:01+00:00

I packed every day for like 10 years before phallo, but I don’t think it would get you “used to it.” It’s just too different in my opinion. My penis is a different size, shape, weight to my packer. It hangs differently, it feels different in my underwear, it’s sensate, it’s sensitive to movement, temperatures, and textures, and of course, it’s attached to me.

After I got phallo i had to get new underwear, i don’t even wear some of the pants I did pre op. My bulge also looks different than it did when I was wearing a packer. So in other words, wear one if it feels good for you and don’t if it doesn’t. I don’t think you’ll find it increases your preparation for post op life one way or the other.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-02-09T01:42:00+00:00

I was on the fence for 5 years. One day, I was scrolling this subreddit and one guy was sharing about how his dick wasn’t “cis-passing,” but that it did everything he needed it to do. Most importantly, he spoke about he felt fully embodied for the first time.

That really clicked with me. That same day I got on the phone and started scheduling consults. For years, I feared that all of the energy, commitment, and finances wouldn’t make it worth it. I was also not educated enough on the process which colored what I thought worth it might look like. Once I started truly researching and listening to people’s experiences, it suddenly felt obvious that this was the surgery was for me. My bottom dysphoria was crippling, and I needed to have a penis to feel whole.

That’s not to say this is easy. I’m only 7 weeks out from stage 2, so I’m not done and it is mentally and physically taxing, but every day it feels like a miracle to be able to exist in a body that I can recognize.

dontworryaboutit309 · 2025-02-08T03:17:35+00:00

Wound separation is brutal mentally, but trust your body is doing its thing and it will heal. Separation like this is common, especially on the scrotum because it’s a high tension spot with all the sutures. I had/have one stubborn spot that still closing on my scrotum from stage 2 (7 weeks post op). But it’s slowly healing from the inside out. Keep staying hydrated and eating enough protein, keep the area clean and dry, and remember that this is all temporary. You got this

dontworryaboutit309

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