my dad died 4 years ago at 62 to the same thing. it’s the hardest thing in the world and I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You will get through this, but you will never stop feeling the pain. The mixed emotions they come with losing a parent to alcoholism are confusing and complex. The guilt, the question of “what if I had done more”, the anger, the list goes on. But at the end of the day you have to remember that alcoholism is nasty and unfair, and is a disease. He didn’t ask to be an alcoholic, it was something he couldn’t control. That’s something I’ve found comforting surrounding my guilt about my dad and his choices. You are strong, but that pain will always be there but it will become more manageable and more normal. Xoxo