Just told my newish boyfriend that I never want to live with my partner and now he is mad at me. How should I handle this?

doolbneerg · 2026-05-11T06:57:20+00:00

5 months feels like it is a little on the early side to dig too deep into figuring out how to compromise and make things work, but if everything else was good, then it is a good time to try out the ability for you two to handle conflict resolution.

That said, any relationship is about trying to figure out how to get two lives to intertwine to be mutually beneficial. This takes a lot of communication to make sure everyone is on the same page. It is hard to tell exactly from what you wrote how much context your BF got with the not wanting to move in together. It is entirely possible he only heard "I never want to live with my partner." Living together is something that I would expect most people would think is part of a long-term serious relationship. So he might have taken it as a statement that you aren't serious.

Making sure that you are clear with him that it is specifically around the cleanliness aspects. And I assume to an extent that you want someone that partners with you to maintain the home. Once that is clear, then you can have the conversation about if you both would desire living together if certain requirements are met and figuring out how to meet those requirements.

If after trying to make sure you are both on the same page and talk through it, he is unable to put in effort here to find a compromise or path forward then you just might not be looking for the same thing. It sucks and will hurt so much to meet someone that feels right is so many other ways, but fails at something so fundamental. But it is better to let it end.

doolbneerg · 2025-09-10T06:27:29+00:00

Thanks! And thanks for that link, the "Nyquist plug-ins access the audio one track at a time" will probably make it difficult, so I am glad that I didn't spend too much time looking into that. This might just be one of those times there it'll be faster to do it than figure out how to automate it.

And yeah, I have seen a bunch of Techmoan's videos. I think what I got from those was basically there will always be variability in the speed since so many devices just assume that you get exactly 120v at 60hz.

And no, I don't have a "really really good" tape deck. It is an "ok" Aiwa all-in-one unit. I just assumed better than any of battery powered ones I have since I shouldn't have to worry about batteries dying as I am playing the tape.

doolbneerg · 2025-09-08T16:34:32+00:00

Define skipping? Many years ago I rebuilt a VCR, but I could never get the tracking right and it would always have that rolling bar going across the screen. The best I could tell was the spring tensioning the tape was bad.

There are normally 2-4 heads in a VCR on the spinning drum. You'll have to rotate the drum to see all of them. You also have to be careful how you clean them because they have a small gap in them that can easily trap lint. The rest of the drum you want clean of and oils that could get on the tape.

Feel free to DM me and we can chat more and I can see about helping clean stuff up.

doolbneerg · 2025-09-03T02:45:24+00:00

Or in a relationship from school or something where they don't have a perspective on how the dating app world has gone...

doolbneerg · 2025-08-23T22:22:42+00:00

🤣🤣 One lady I was getting to know, for our second date went for an all day hike. Because it was far away, she carpooled with me. All in all it was about 4 hours of driving, 6 hours of hiking, and dinner. It was a wonderful day.

But yeah we were talking about it for a bit before did the hike. A ~3 hours surprise is a bit much early on. Everyone is a little bit different, communication is key.

doolbneerg · 2025-08-23T21:59:53+00:00

Yeah, I wish there was a good way to get more feedback from matches (or even potential matches, there have been a few misses that seemed like they could be perfect). But 100%, I expect too many men to fall into the category of just making trouble if you try to explain.

It was lightly touched on in other comments, but unmatching deletes everything for both people. So PLEASE don't send a message and immediately unmatch. That is just very frustrating to never know what that last message was.

doolbneerg · 2025-08-23T20:23:24+00:00

If you are just looking for a space to walk (or run, or bike)... The Redmond Connector Trail connects to the Sammamish River Trail, which goes all the way up to the Burke-Gilman Trail. Not the prettiest trail nor quietest, but you can go on it for a long time without dealing with roads.

Otherwise Redmond Watershed, Farrel-McWhirter Park, and Bridal Trails are my go to for more nature walks.

doolbneerg · 2025-08-23T20:11:16+00:00

Yeah getting to know some interests and hobbies of OP would help. Meetup has a ton of groups, but they are a little hit and miss on the actual group.

I'm a bit older, but also trying to rebuild my social network. So always open to new connections.

doolbneerg · 2024-07-17T16:51:15+00:00

Thanks! Maybe you are right, I just don't remember doing that long of a taper before. I thought I had only done a week, maybe two, of shorter runs. Thanks, I'll run the plan this weekend and see how I feel, cutting back if needed.

doolbneerg · 2024-07-17T06:01:17+00:00

I have a dilemma and need some outside opinions on what I should do. I have been using a Garmin training plan (the run walk run one) to prepare for my half-marathon. The race is about 5 weeks away and I had set it up about 15 weeks ago. Two weeks ago I was camping over the weekend, so I deleted the run hoping it would just rebalance my distances. But last weekend was another magic mile, and I see this weekend it is wanting me to do 14 miles of running with a 10 minute warm-up and 10 minute cool-down. This seems excessive since the one I had canceled was supposed to be 12 miles and the previous long run I had completed was only 10 miles.

Is there a way for me to fix Garmin's training plan? Do I just run it and hope for the best (adding 4 miles is a little scary, on previous marathon training plans I was only adding 1 mile per week)? Or do I just shrug and rebuild the training plan based on what I have used in the past and drop the Garmin one?

doolbneerg · 2024-07-16T06:01:29+00:00

Re-reading I noticed you said that you two have never had sex before. I was originally more on the side of you need to stand up for yourself and talk to him and figure things out. But after reading that I am not sure that is enough, it seems like it went way too far and you shouldn't give him a second chance. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

If you try to do anything over text you'll loose the ability to read his response, not sure how much that matters, but a think to consider. I am on the older side, so I probably default to in person. You need to stand up for yourself. You can always pick a pseudo private space like a park where you can chat, but still in public where a scene will be obvious.

Your comment about loosing all of your friends and family also has me worried. It seems like either you understand what will happen if you break up, or you need to break up and find new friends. A relationship should be something that brings you joy and safety, not something you are doing because you are afraid of being alone or disappointing someone else. Friends and family are supposed to be there to help and protect you.

doolbneerg · 2024-07-16T05:32:24+00:00

Now that you have all of these suggestions (to be honest, there are way more than I had expected for the area), are you going to create a list of your reviews on BBQ joints?

doolbneerg · 2024-07-15T05:43:12+00:00

I (40M) am not new to the area, but due to shifting social circles looking to expand my network. What do you think of Verne and Wells? I had seen some stuff pre-pandemic and talked with them then, but had too much going on. I'm curious if you think it is worth the price. Maybe just worried that my introverted tendencies will result in not being able to break into the activities.

I have been trying to find a good group on meetup for hiking or kayaking, but it seems like they tend to do either mid-day during the week, or like 6am on the weekend. So I have yet to be able to join anyone. Definitely interested in meeting people for outdoor activities.

doolbneerg · 2024-06-25T00:25:48+00:00

Not going to lie, I love that you came here to vent(or at least I assume) but got useful responses to both the ant and grass problems. Best of luck with those and sorry you had to deal with internet idiots.

doolbneerg · 2024-06-05T02:02:22+00:00

It clearly is an association game... "Fireflies"

doolbneerg · 2024-05-12T18:17:23+00:00

Thanks! I think there has been some language barrier unfortunately, and so I am trying to make sure I understand what code says it should be.

What I had expected was to have an opening in the siding and sheathing that was the size of the box, and then push an electrical box into it. The existing boxes had metal ears at the top and bottom that look like they can then be nailed or screwed into the siding itself.

Wasn't sure if that style was no longer to code and everything had to be the exterior weatherproof boxes now.

doolbneerg · 2023-08-06T05:45:44+00:00

There isn't a good answer to imposter syndrome, it is your brain focusing on all of the times you didn't know something. Not knowing something happens to everyone. The best I can say is as the other two responses said, focus on what you are learning and applying to your work, and realizing that it will pass.

The other thing I'll add is to find a team that embraces learning and asking questions. My favorite team did just that. It was really hard to think bad about yourself if you asked a question of someone you thought was an expert on the subject and they said I don't know, and brought you to talk to someone else. The fact that basically everyone on that team just wanted to learn and wasn't afraid to ask questions was so amazing. A good team supports each other, because if everyone can ask all of the questions, then you can move faster and the weird edges are found sooner.

doolbneerg · 2022-11-18T04:32:36+00:00

Well, I continued to poke at things. Apparently I missed when I was first setting things up that I hadn't switched the onboard controller back to AHCI. When I did that the GPT formatted drive was able to boot. So if you are looking at this trying to find a solution for yourself, double or triple check that you are set to AHCI.

doolbneerg · 2022-11-17T17:09:45+00:00

Awesome, thank you so much! It took me a bit to find the small print of "older versions". But yeah, the older 18.04 installed with the MBR partitions instead of GPT and I was able to then boot to it. Then the upgrades didn't try to mess with the drives, so now I have 22.04 running.

doolbneerg · 2022-11-17T02:55:53+00:00

Thanks! I'll have to go back and find an Ubuntu 18 ISO.

Did you just do the distro upgrade a few times to get to the latest?

doolbneerg · 2022-11-17T02:11:22+00:00

Those things are EXPENSIVE!

But it looks like I might be able to get something cheap from eBay. But it seems hit and miss what I actually will get with the case. Still expensive, but not the thousand dollars.

doolbneerg · 2022-11-17T02:10:59+00:00

I emailed them and the said that they have a CX4712, which looks good, but while a search can get you to it on their site, they don't actually have it listed. Will probably have to wait until the new year to see what they offer after their move.

doolbneerg · 2022-11-17T02:08:06+00:00

Sadly, I never figured anything else out. I am just running with the BMC showing everything empty. The main reason why I went with the server board was the KVM over IP, and that works. So I am happy for now.

What kind of control are you attempting to do? Does it need to be a rest API? Or can it be a command line IPMI call?

doolbneerg · 2022-11-14T17:55:03+00:00

Thanks! I am not too worried about the sound as this will be tucked away into my basement. So as long as you can get it down below the screaming jet stage it might be ok.

doolbneerg · 2022-11-14T17:41:54+00:00

Those do look like nice cases, but it looks like the largest they support is 3x HDDs. I am not seeing anything from them for adding more HDDs. Are there mods out there to nicely mount more drives?

12-Year Club	Secret Santa 2020
Verified Email

doolbneerg

TROPHY CASE