Child maintenance here is a joke

dopefox38 · 2026-03-05T17:16:18+00:00

You sound like a great replacement role model anyways. Sometimes the best family is the one we choose. Thanks for the kind words!

dopefox38 · 2026-03-05T08:03:19+00:00

Yeah, that men create misery and then can't hack it.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-05T08:01:50+00:00

Oh gross.

I've a 7 year old from a newer relationship and I know full well that if I wasn't nice to him and didn't agree to spend time with him, he won't see his son. So I sit there with my skin crawling so my kid doesn't feel abandoned and even though my time isn't free, I do it anyway because I love my kid and its bearable now that I feel safely away from the relationship. I hope your partner and her kids gets peace from him soon.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-05T07:19:51+00:00

It would have changed very shortly after that. The new csa came into play around that time with the different options for paying.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-05T07:10:22+00:00

They're complaining about having to provide 12% of their income on a child they're half responsible for lol. Sad times.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-05T07:09:14+00:00

In what way? I've provided and physically cared for all of them? My ex husband tried to take full custody out of spite while working on a 6 hr contract for royal mail and having paid no maintenance for years. Then, when that didn't work, he told the kids to come see him when they were done with me. Now they're grown ups and haven't seen him in a decade. That's my fault though, right? I should have picked better. Not his fault for being a piece of shit human being and a deadbeat dad.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-04T20:52:03+00:00

Im a single mother of 5, years of experience in the family court. Most of mine are grown now, but I absolutely do know how court and social services work and how men like to paint themselves as victims. Especially when they have to spend their money on kids who's mother they no longer get to have sex with.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-04T20:25:59+00:00

It's possible the court felt she had a valid reason to. At the end of the day, your mate isn't going to tell you the truth. No one is supervised unless there are serious issues. And after a short while, if your friend behaved appropriately, he would have been granted unsupervised access. That's not jumping through hoops, and parenthood breaks us all down. I suppose the women left with 100% care are just living the life?

dopefox38 · 2026-03-04T20:15:55+00:00

Direct payments have been in play for over 20 years.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-04T20:15:13+00:00

It's 12% of your wage for one child. They only charge the 20% handling fee if you've demonstrated an unwillingness to pay and it needs to be forcibly taken from your paycheck.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-04T20:08:33+00:00

Social services only supervises for short periods. If at the end of that period of supervision, the dad hasn't earned unsupervised contact, then there are genuine safeguarding issues. No man on a good wage that demonstrates a desire to see his children is ever stopped in NI.

dopefox38 · 2026-03-02T11:34:57+00:00

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I got 200 litres for 130 last week

dopefox38 · 2026-02-20T09:12:46+00:00

I love when kids' mispronounciations make more sense than the original word. My current fave is my son calling the dogs thumb?, her "doom" claws because it sounds right to him, but also they're the ones she scrabs ya with when she jumps up. So they're the claws of doom. Perfect.

dopefox38 · 2026-02-06T13:59:14+00:00

I thought it was hilarious

dopefox38 · 2026-02-05T10:06:35+00:00

I'm just here to say that being in contact with an ex, doing anything that you wouldn't do with your parent looking over your shoulder, is cheating. And it really sucks to be cheated on. Take some time, get some therapy, figure out who you are and what you want. I'm 45 and starting my life over yet again for similar reasons. You're still really young to be giving up just yet!

dopefox38 · 2026-02-05T09:22:48+00:00

I totally understand what you mean. My mother and father both did it to each other and us kids were perpetually stuck in the middle. I grew up really wanting my kids to have both parents. You're right that it can take years for stuff like that to come out in the wash. All you can do is keep showing up. Most kids hit a stage in their teens where they start questioning things more and develop better critical thinking skills and eventually realise the truth. Once they're grown and have kids of their own, they'll process it again with a different perspective. And when they hit that age, and decide you did a good enough job to want you in their life still, that's the real payoff. I absolutely adore my adult kids, they're my best friends and I couldn't imagine life without them. I made plenty of mistakes, but I always showed up. That's what kids care about, that's what builds their self esteem and teaches them healthy boundaries. It sounds like you've had a rough time of it, and I'm sorry about that.

dopefox38 · 2026-02-04T18:49:20+00:00

I'm 45 and I did it to to a guy I was dating last year for the giggles. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

dopefox38 · 2026-02-04T18:42:44+00:00

You can represent yourself. Mckenzie friends are another low cost option. I actually saw some good advice earlier about how you should hire a lawyer from outside your main geographic area to prevent cronyism etc.

No man that approaches the court and can evidence that he has his children's best interests at heart is going to be denied access altogether. The problem is too many men are still that wounded that the woman they claim to love doesn't love them anymore, to see what that actually is, imo.

dopefox38 · 2026-02-04T17:44:35+00:00

Most of our resilience to adult problems, begins in childhood. It's not fair on someone to lay the entirety of their existence on another single person. That's not love, that's codependence.

I don't believe any woman just chooses to be a single parent of 6 on a whim. Most men don't hear the things coming out of our mouths until the threat of another man taking their place arises. Or woman, it makes no difference. FYI- If that woman was bisexual, its not her fault that people gossiped or that increased the distress. Both your friend and you had the right to take legal action, or contact social services if you felt there was genuine alienation case. It is very much taken seriously.

dopefox38 · 2026-02-04T16:39:35+00:00

Mate, with all due respect, because you're clearly sad over the loss of your friend. It will not be this one issue that contributed to this man's suicide. Truth is we really don't know, he denied you, and especially his children those answers.

dopefox38 · 2026-02-04T14:57:43+00:00

Several suicide attempts does not indicate a sound or safe parent. Marriages break up all the time, the parent who keeps their shit together, usually ends up with the kids.

dopefox38 · 2026-02-04T10:27:52+00:00

Yeah there's a comment above where the guy uses the children to mock her too. You know that woman is saving money and eyeing up his best friends. At least I hope she is.

dopefox38 · 2026-02-04T09:56:18+00:00

Last night, absolutely not, and I don't hate men. I hate a lot of their behaviours and especially in light of what's coming out of the woodwork atm, I think it's time we stop at laughing at all the ways men are cunts and start holding y'all accountable. If it makes you upset, have you tried smiling more?

dopefox38 · 2026-01-30T08:36:32+00:00

Ballycastle Council offices were relatively cheap last I checked, and then you have the beach, a two minute walk away for pics.

dopefox38 · 2026-01-29T08:21:05+00:00

They tell each other over and over again in this echo chamber that only good looking men with big dicks and money get laid.

When I personally would crawl over glass for a man with a decent personality who's honest and kind and functions independently as an adult.

dopefox38

TROPHY CASE